# An Apology to Americans. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2003, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706 "2003-03-07T14:29:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/21 "2003-03-07T15:59:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\*1) You have good hockey players. (Hey, its Christmas Break and your town gets 2 TV stations & 3 radio stations; I guess you’re going to learn to do Something) > > 1. I’m sorry that you don’t have the money to keep them on your country’s hockey teams. > > 2. I’m sorry our side of Niagra Falls is far better than your side. > > 3. I’m sorry that our wine making region out produces and out classes yours every day of the week…but good luck with that ‘beer’ thing. > > 4. I’m sorry for Alex Trebec. You can have him back now. > > 5. I’m sorry your economy is in the dumper right now just because ours is. Its a shame that Canada’s economy leans on its southern neighbor so much that it can’t stand on its own legs. I would have thought you’d have more pride. > \*\* At the danger of being whooshed 😉 … 1. This isn’t 1955. 🙂 We have this marvellous thing called Kay-Bull and Satty-Light. 😉 2. I agree, sadly. 🙂 3. You ARE kidding right? Or do you just mean the view from your side to our side is better than the view from our side to your side? 4. Our Ice Wine is tops in the world. Though your Turning Leaf is better than most here, I’ll give you that. 5. Please no. 6. Our economy is NOT in the dumper. Do your research on this one. Then come back and tell me what you find out. 🙂 In fact, Canada is spending more on social programs, while balancing the budget, and our economy is chugging alon nicely right now. Look it up for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/22 "2003-03-07T16:00:31Z")
LOL. How long before this goes to the pit? (In the spirit of the thread) I’d reply, but the sun doesn’t care what the candle thinks… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/23 "2003-03-07T16:09:21Z")
Are you going to apologise for being America’s hat? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/24 "2003-03-07T16:18:26Z")
It’s because we’re Americans that we can forgive people like Rick Mercer for being stupid hosers. And you don’t have to go all the way back to the War of 1812 for a military highlight. Wasn’t it just in 1863 that the RCMP kicked Chief Sitting Bull’s ass? Of course, he was all by himself, but hey, you still showed him! This is fun. ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/25 "2003-03-07T16:20:02Z")
Hey… THAT is soemthing I didn’t know about 🙂 Though I have to say that I am saddened by the fact that Pringles sees fit to make Chees-Ums in the US but not up here ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/26 "2003-03-07T16:20:37Z")
And frankly, we’d have annexed you guys a long time ago if we had felt like paying for everybody in Quebec to just learn ENGLISH! ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/27 "2003-03-07T16:23:32Z")
You’re all ungrateful ex-colonials as far as i’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/28 "2003-03-07T16:30:05Z")
Isn’t Canada still a colony? I mean they still have your Queen on their currency (although she looks sort of like an aquatic fowl on some of the coins; on others she appears in the guise of a beaver). ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/29 "2003-03-07T16:53:39Z")
pah! they have independence in all but name. We were too soft on them 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/30 "2003-03-07T16:53:49Z")
We’re better! You’re all phony and want to bomb everyone! No, we’re better! You’re just jealous! No, WE are! We have better beer! Good lord, you guys. What is this, the second grade/grade two? Every time this thread appears (this is like the twentieth time), my eyes practically fall out of my head from rolling. ---
**Author:** ![garius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e19b73/32.png) [@garius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garius)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/31 "2003-03-07T16:56:51Z")
Sorry Miss. ---
**Author:** ![SLASH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SLASH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SLASH)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/32 "2003-03-07T17:12:41Z")
I’m sorry that Canadians spend much more time brooding over the US than Americans spend thinking about Canada. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/33 "2003-03-07T17:15:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by quietman1920 \* > \*\*I’m sorry our (American) side of Niagra Falls is far better than your side. \*\* Even as I type this, my sides are splitting. Not even close, and I _live_ on the American side. As long as we’re making overblown generalizations about Yanks and Canucks, let me add a few gross comments of my own. Winter in Canada lasts for six months a year, and they still haven’t learned how to drive in bad weather. I have known sneaky Canadians to come over here and launder their change to take advantage of their own currency problems. It explains why 1/3 of the average handful of change I get here in Western New York is in inferior-value Canadian money. And to balance the scales…you have to pay to drive into Canada from Western New York, but they let you back in for free. What does that say? ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/34 "2003-03-07T17:18:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by garius \* > \*\*Sorry Miss. \*\* \And you should be, young man! What are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be having an argument over whether Britain is really part of Europe, or something equally inane?\ ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/35 "2003-03-07T17:20:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Isn’t Canada still a colony? I mean they still have your Queen on their currency (although she looks sort of like an aquatic fowl on some of the coins; on others she appears in the guise of a beaver). No. Liz is the Queen of Canada, a separate crown from that of the UK. Canada is an independent country that happens to have the same Queen as a number of different independent countries. All Commonwealth countries were made equal and independent with the Statute of Westminster, and we repatriated our constitution in 1982. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/36 "2003-03-07T17:33:43Z")
I hope I’m not asking for a Canukle-sandwich, but please convey our responses to Mr. Mercer 1. You can call GWB whatever you like. Most of us are neither proud nor ashamed of him. He’s not like some obnoxious woman we once dated and would not want to be reminded of. He’s more like some obnoxious woman our brother dated. 2. Yep, the US has screwed Canada on lumber. And on fish, too. How could you forget the “Save The Fish (for US)” treaty? We made a treaty with Canada to stop over-fishing. When the fish population rose again, the Americans went back out (and even up Canadian rivers), but the Canadians politely observed the treaty. I sure hope Canada has appealed to NAFTA on these ones, the same way it forced California to accept toxins in its gasoline made by a Canadian chemical firm or forgo federal highway funding. 3. As with most sports, I think you have to learn to appreciate hockey in person before you can enjoy it from the remove of TV (perhaps even more so with hockey, since the puck is so small and moves so fast). Our own “national pastime” baseball has lost ground to basketball because large grassy areas are harder to find these days than small asphalt areas. Ice-covered areas are even rarer. 4. No organized Canadian auxiliary units were present at the burning of the White House. That has been cited on these boards several times now. If it makes you happy, you may brag that you encouraged your First Nationals to massacre women and children at the Racine River. 5. Some beers are much, much better than other, but there is no such thing as bad beer. Besides, beer, like drunkenness itself as well as poetry and motherhood, belongs to mankind as a whole, and neither observes nor respects national boundaries. 6. If it makes you happy, you can wait two years after we invade Iraq to decide what you’d like to do. From what I’ve seen on TV, Iraq looks a place that could stand to import a few trees and some decent beer. ---
**Author:** ![Coilean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@Coilean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coilean)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/37 "2003-03-07T17:41:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Inky- \* > **And if it makes you feel any superior, I totally bow down to the Canadian superiority in sports that involve ice and living close to the fucking arctic circle.** I’d hold on to snowboarding if I were you. Olympics 1998 -Canadains can’t make it to the podium without the use of, ummm, “preformance enhancing” drugs. -US takes two medals 2002 -Canadians can’t make it to the podium. -US mens team sweeps half-pipe competition. US takes Gold in women’s halfpipe, and places in men’s downhill ---
**Author:** ![mmm.forbidden\_doughnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e68b1a/32.png) [@mmm.forbidden\_doughnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mmm.forbidden_doughnut)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/38 "2003-03-07T17:47:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Slithy Tove \* > \*\* > > 1. If it makes you happy, you can wait two years after we invade Iraq to decide what you’d like to do. From what I’ve seen on TV, Iraq looks a place that could stand to import a few trees and some decent beer. \*\* Heck, in two years, it could be a popular holiday destination for those Canadians not in the mood to freeze their arses off all winer.😃 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/39 "2003-03-07T17:52:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*No. Liz is the Queen of Canada, a separate crown from that of the UK. Canada is an independent country that happens to have the same Queen as a number of different independent countries. All Commonwealth countries were made equal and independent with the Statute of Westminster, and we repatriated our constitution in 1982. \*\* Wow, can’t even afford your own queen so you had to take England’s out as a loaner. That’s even more embarassing. At least we’ll be rid of Bush in 2-6 years. That Liz seems purt near indestructible. But probably better than the alternatives given that you’ve got your own jug eared simpleton waiting in the wings.\* \ ***Matt** , I’m not serious on any of this (as I think most others are not), just having some fun at our Northern sibling’s expense, one of my favorite non-contact sports. We love you guys deep down inside. Except for Celine. And maybe that Tom Green character. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706/40 "2003-03-07T18:04:05Z")
Hee hee. Kwyjibo showed me that list a week ago and I wrote a humorous response to it then: > [@](#): > > Dear Canadians, > > In the wonderful spirit of your recent letter of apology to us, I would like to apologise on behalf of the United States of America for many of our shortcomings over the years in reguards to your fine country. > > First of all, we apologise for not paying more attention to your political situation, but to tell the truth, we’re not real sure what it is. We honestly thought you were still one giant providence of Great Britan, but now we realize you’ve gotten your own government. Isn’t that cute! Just like a real country! We would like to offer one word of advice, however. Y’all better have a doctor take a look at your Premier or Prime Minister or whatever you call him. We think there’s something wrong with his face. > > We would also like to apologise for spending large portions of our GNP over the last 60 years supporting a military that is now second to none. We didn’t realize at the time, but by providing blanket military protection for all of North America, we allowed you to spend your money on things like communist health care systems. Unfortunately, this has also left you with a derth of things to brag about, forcing y’all to point to acomplishments that British units made almost 200 years ago as if they were your own. > > We apologise for monopolizing all of the cool sports, forcing you guys to settle for things like curling and hockey. Really, on this one we were sneeky, figuring that since you are burried under snow 6 months a year you wouldn’t be able to complain. > > We’re sorry that the giant American auto industry drove dozens of Canadian car companies out of business with unfair trading practices…oh, wait, there were no Canadian car companies. Anyway, we apologise for employeeing so many Canadians in the Ford and GM plants north of the border. > > We are also sorry that we provide such a close market for all of your oil, allowing you to put these resources to good use. > > We also apologise that we don’t export any of the good beer we make to Canada, but hey, you guys send us all that Molsen crap so this one is a push. > > Finally, I am sincerely sorry that we haven’t spent more time paying attention to you, but we kinda forget that you’re there, after all we could put all of y’all in New York without even using Statin Island ( and yes, it WOULD do wonders for the place ). We pledge to work harder to incorporate the word “eh” into our everyday conversations, revere the mighty beaver and start drinking beer for breakfast. In this way we hope the ties between our two great countries can be made even stronger. > > Thank You, > > Weirddave [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-americans/159706.md?page=3)