# An apology to waitstaff everywhere **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 9, 2011, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266 "2011-05-09T13:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/21 "2011-05-09T18:27:34Z")
I dont understand people tipping in ninja mode to make up for their embarassing family. Do it plain and open. Might be educational, and if it isnt it’s your fucking money. Let them do with their miserliness and assholishness what they do with their tipping money, keeping it to themselves. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/22 "2011-05-09T18:31:16Z")
I don’t tip in “ninja mode” although that does sound fun. I should get a black turban and sword for these occasions. I openly write my tip on my credit receipt, and if my mom wants to look at it, she’s free to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/23 "2011-05-09T18:33:10Z")
My dad and I have come to an arrangement when we dine out - he pays for dinner and I leave the tip. He’s a terrible tipper and thinks 10% is exhorbitant. But he’s an old geezer so I guess it’s ok as long as I’m with him to leave the proper amount. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/24 "2011-05-09T18:44:13Z")
I used to wait tables at an Outback in rural Alabama, and some of my favorite customers were little old ladies who tipped $2. One of the first things you learn as a waiter (or, should learn) is that you really don’t have a lot of control over how people tip. Most people tip what they’re used to tipping, and only being extraordinarily good or bad is going to change it by any real amount. So long as you were polite, friendly, and earnest, I honestly didn’t care if you tipped at all. Somebody else would probably make up the difference. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/25 "2011-05-09T18:45:55Z")
> [@](#): > > I sometimes wonder if it ever strikes her as strange, how she gets uniformly bad service at every restaurant she ever goes to. No, it probably doesn’t. My husband is a VERY bad tipper, he always used to round DOWN from 10%. And he’d bitch about the service, and notice that when I was with him, the service was much better in a place where we’d both go. And I’d explain to him that it was because I tipped decently. He’s become a little better about this, though. He’ll show me the bill, and ask about the tip amount. He used to be a busboy, and his sister a server, so you’d think that he’d know better. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/26 "2011-05-09T18:50:50Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > He used to be a busboy, and his sister a server, so you’d think that he’d know better. I used to date a server, and she was the most critical person I ever dined with. She’d find fault with everyone and tip accordingly. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/27 "2011-05-09T19:09:21Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > I dont understand people tipping in ninja mode to make up for their embarassing family. Do it plain and open. Might be educational, and if it isnt it’s your fucking money. Let them do with their miserliness and assholishness what they do with their tipping money, keeping it to themselves. I tried ninja-tipping once with my FIL and got caught. He got hostile when I tried to insist. So after that we switched to “one pays, the other tips.” If my husband and I paid the bill, we’d add a tip anyway. If we tipped, it wasn’t his say any longer, or if we thought he still might fuss - though usually he’d insist on being the tipper if he thought the service was bad - we’d ninja-tip extra when he wasn’t looking. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/28 "2011-05-09T19:38:12Z")
My BIL Jim the Plumber (his real name) would not only tip as though it were 1950, he would actually pocket part of what we left as a tip if given the opportunity. We started leaving our tips by our plates rather than putting them in the tray with the bill. What a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/29 "2011-05-09T20:02:02Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I used to date a server, and she was the most critical person I ever dined with. She’d find fault with everyone and tip accordingly. Yeah, my aunt who worked in restaurants for 20 years is like that. And she’s _loud_ about it. I won’t go anywhere nicer than a Golden Corral-type buffet with her because her behavior is so humiliating. Of course, she is the world’s foremost expert on most everything, so any way of doing things that isn’t how she would do it if she were waiting this table is WRONG and grounds for trumpeting said wrongness to not just our whole table, but the three or four tables around her and a nickel tip. Most present and former servers are pretty laid back customers who are good at distinguishing kitchen/hostess issues from incompetent server issues and won’t penalize you for the former. Lord knows we’ve all been there trying to get a misread ticket fixed while we’re getting triple-seated. But the latter? Kiss your tip goodbye. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/30 "2011-05-09T20:11:00Z")
I don’t think age is an adequate excuse. Surely old people know things cost more now than they did 50 years ago. So why shouldn’t they expect the amount of a decent tip has increased? When I am old, I hope I find a way to adapt to the world and not pretend it’s still 2011. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/31 "2011-05-09T20:37:52Z")
It’s kind of refreshing to see that this is a fairly common situation. My father-in-law is fine as far as not being a twit to the waitstaff, coming up with stupid problems, etc. But he’s an atrocious tipper. And he _always_ insists on paying. I won’t go anywhere with him that we frequent, unless we can come up with some excuse to stay behind and put more money on the table. Which is a pain because we usually don’t carry cash. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/32 "2011-05-09T20:49:47Z")
It would be interesting to poll a sizable group of waitstaff with this question: How often do you get a very small tip on the credit card, and also find cash on the table? ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/33 "2011-05-09T20:54:51Z")
> [@pohjonen](#): > > My BIL Jim the Plumber (his real name) would not only tip as though it were 1950, he would actually pocket part of what we left as a tip if given the opportunity. Yikes. :mad: Did he ever get called out for it and if so, what did he have to say for himself? I’m wondering if his motivation was “Our server doesn’t deserve this much money” or “hey, no one will notice if I steal from our server so what the heck”. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/34 "2011-05-09T21:15:56Z")
> [@PotLuck](#): > > Yikes. :mad: Did he ever get called out for it and if so, what did he have to say for himself? I’m wondering if his motivation was “Our server doesn’t deserve this much money” or “hey, no one will notice if I steal from our server so what the heck”. Like others of his ilk, I’m pretty sure his motivation was “I’m the only one whose labor is worth anything.” No we never confronted him, just made it impossible for him to do it anymore. Our sister would have had a puckyboo if anyone tried to hold him accountable for his assholery. He also thought plumbers should be paid more then teachers. Thank God I decided it just wasn’t worth putting up with him anymore. Haven’t see him in two years. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/35 "2011-05-09T21:27:39Z")
To the OP: So why do you think he does this? Have you ever asked him why he’s never satisfied? Does he have any explanation for being so nit-picky? Have you ever called him on it while in the restaurant? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/36 "2011-05-09T21:36:00Z")
90% of the time I go anywhere - for a few drinks or dinner, it’s to someplace I go more or less regularly. I tip pretty well, some places where some of the servers are friends of mine as well, I tip extra well. But I know enough servers to know the difference between poor service and things that aren’t in the server’s control. I can’t recall a time I’ve EVER stiffed someone. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/37 "2011-05-09T21:43:59Z")
_sigh_ I really miss my Dad - he never waited a table in his live [well, maybe back in college when he was a pledge] _loved_ good waitstaff and tipped well. Always patient with new waitstaff, not snarky if they made a mistake. I try to make sure my tip is 15%, am forgiving of honest errors and don’t hold kitchen problems against the waitstaff. I remember working in restaurants … ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/38 "2011-05-09T21:48:16Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I don’t think age is an adequate excuse. Surely old people know things cost more now than they did 50 years ago. So why shouldn’t they expect the amount of a decent tip has increased? Although I will confess to wondering why the standard tip was 10% when I was a kid, 15% when I was an adult, and now is nudging 20%. Assuming restaurant bills increase at least as fast as the rate of inflation, a constant percentage should increase at the same rate. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/39 "2011-05-09T22:05:47Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > I don’t think age is an adequate excuse. Surely old people know things cost more now than they did 50 years ago. So why shouldn’t they expect the amount of a decent tip has increased? > > When I am old, I hope I find a way to adapt to the world and not pretend it’s still 2011. Many people nowadays tip a percentage, not a fixed amount. That may mitigate it, though “tip creep” and regional differences may never go away. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266/40 "2011-05-09T22:12:45Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Although I will confess to wondering why the standard tip was 10% when I was a kid, 15% when I was an adult, and now is nudging 20%. Assuming restaurant bills increase at least as fast as the rate of inflation, a constant percentage should increase at the same rate. If the relative cost of eating out (compared to average income) has gone down over time that means if the servers are getting the same percentage off of something that costs less and less their relative income is going down compared to everyone elses. It would be like Real Estate agents getting the same standard percentage while the cost of housing was decreasing. They would be doing the same relative amount of work but getting paid less and less over time to do it. And its my WAG that the relative cost of eating out HAS decreased over time. It USED to be a rare treat. Now, its quite common. Also, I think there is a social component where folks as a whole have decided that waitstaff in general work hard and deserve to be paid a bit more for their efforts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology-to-waitstaff-everywhere/581266.md?page=3)