# An apology. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 29, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086 "2004-11-29T03:55:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/1 "2004-11-29T03:55:05Z")
[Judgmental woman](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5537444&postcount=57) \>[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=288107](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=288107) My words in the final posting in vanilla’s last thread were quite sharp; in retrospect, perhaps too sharp. Some of you have let me know this, publicly and privately, and I hope I have taken your counsel as it was intended. Someone we had given many chances to straighten up and fly right kept cruising down the same sorry path, leaving management with little option as to what to do in response. Other members of our community were incredibly nasty to an innocent party who had the misfortune to hold a differing point of view and wander in here looking after someone he considered a lost sheep in his flock, making us all look petty and mean – and worst of all, as tiny-souled and narrow-minded and bigoted as he was considered to be, making us no better, no better at all. It was not our finest moment. These are not excuses; however, they are reasons, and I hope you see them as where I stood at the time. We strive to moderate and administer with equanimity and calm, and mostly we make it. In righteous anger, I did go too far, and I apologize to vanilla and to the community for my intemperate remarks. I cannot apologize for what took me there – though I did apologize to the minister personally – but I wish I had been more thoughtful and less distressed. your humble TubaDiva Administrator ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/2 "2004-11-29T08:30:29Z")
In case people don’t get out of the Pit much. > **[In regards to "vanilla"](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289026)** > > After some reading of the record, the decision of the staff is that vanilla will not be returning to the board. We wish her all the best, but feel it’s appropriate that her time here should end. She has been notified. Our normal policy has been... All things considered, I don’t think you were at all too harsh or sharp in that final post. I think either people are a little too sensitive, or their personal feelings for **vanilla** make them biased. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/3 "2004-11-29T08:30:29Z")
Thank you, Tuba. 🙂 If it’s any solace to you, only a couple of jerks pounced on the reverend. There were others who chastised them, and expressed the same surprise at the behavior that you expressed. As Gobear said there: > [@](#): > > Could we maybe be nicer to Vanilla’s pastor? Surely we have a golden opportunity to show that goodness and compassion are not limited to the theists. So, your example for us has been a good one overall. Good stuff runs downhill too. You slip up once in a blue moon, and that’s a lot better than most of the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/4 "2004-11-29T08:34:12Z")
Don’t know if anyone else did, but I e-mailed the guy to apologise for the shabby way in which he was treated {I made it clear that I had no official standing whatsoever on these boards, and that it was purely a personal response}, and received a courteous reply. ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/5 "2004-11-29T09:14:45Z")
That’s part of why I love this message board, even the admins are willing to be rational. Kudos to you **Tuba** ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/6 "2004-11-29T09:32:43Z")
**Tuba** , to come here and 'splain why you took the actions you did is commendable. It would be oh so easy to just do it and ignore any concerns. Thanks for giving a little back. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/7 "2004-11-29T10:19:32Z")
It’s a tempest in a teapot, **Tuba**. We love you, and FWIW I didn’t think you were out of line at all in your last post in **Vanilla** ’s thread… sometimes a written spanking is in order (though I do hope that she will be allowed to come back, and I also hope that **pastorjc** will stay on and add to our community here). Remember all, this message board, and indeed the entire internet!, is still a new media for all of us. The rules are even now being ironed out. Patience and understanding will be of great benefit to all while we adjust. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/8 "2004-11-29T10:49:08Z")
Count me in as one of the ones who didn’t think you were out of line, **Tuba**. It was harsh, but we are all human(I think). That you felt the need to apologize show you have class. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/9 "2004-11-29T11:01:47Z")
Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re complaining and this (unnecessary, in my opinion) apology reinforces and validates that behaviour While I understand the rationale behind your making this apology, I don’t think it was warranted… what \*\*vanilla \*\*did was stupid and you rightfully called her on it as one of the senior administrators of this board. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/10 "2004-11-29T11:11:07Z")
I really wish you wouldn’t trivialize her apology by saying it was unnecessary. It wouldn’t be classy if it were unnecessary. She’s apologizing because she felt like she did something wrong, not to find out who’s fer her and who’s agin her. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/11 "2004-11-29T11:30:27Z")
As I said, I understand the rationale behind it, I just don’t agree with it and if posting to say as much is seen as saying I’m “fer her” or, to put it more plainly, sucking up, so be it. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/12 "2004-11-29T11:56:41Z")
I just wanted to add my appreciation for your apology, **Tuba Diva**. You really are a class act. I understand your frustration with **vanilla** , and with the way this board treated her pastor. Thank you. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/13 "2004-11-29T12:06:22Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Count me in as one of the ones who didn’t think you were out of line, **Tuba**. It was harsh, but we are all human(I think). . Speak for yourself, monkey boy! ---
**Author:** ![Aldebaran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Aldebaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aldebaran)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/14 "2004-11-29T12:19:00Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > We strive to moderate and administer with equanimity and calm, and mostly we make it. In my view this counts for much more then “mostly”. I seldom saw a moderator’s remark I couldn’t agree with or which made me wonder what happened. > [@](#): > > In righteous anger, I did go too far, and I apologize to vanilla and to the community for my intemperate remarks. I don’t know if you are Christian yourself. If yes, then I think your anger is very understandable. One can say that it would have been more prudent to express that in a private mail, but that is only reasoning afterwords. > [@](#): > > I cannot apologize for what took me there – though I did apologize to the minister personally – but I wish I had been more thoughtful and less distressed. Being human is apology enough. Most people now and then make a post they would have written more thoughtful at an other moment. (Looking in dampish miror… See nothing… I must be completely innocent.) In your case the sad thing is that posts made by a moderator or administrator have much more impact and weight then those of the average member. It makes however your apology having equally much more impact and weight. That you or an other administrator had sent an apology to the minister was something the members could suspect without having confirmation about it. Salaam. A ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/15 "2004-11-29T13:12:51Z")
You’re a class act, **TubaDiva**. But we already knew that. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/16 "2004-11-29T14:43:20Z")
You’re the best, **TubaDiva**. We are, indeed, all human. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/17 "2004-11-29T14:54:27Z")
Is **Vanilla** suspended or banned? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/18 "2004-11-29T15:01:42Z")
[Banned.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289026) > [@World Eater](#): > > Is **Vanilla** suspended or banned? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/19 "2004-11-29T15:06:22Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > [Banned.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=289026) Bah. \ ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086/20 "2004-11-29T16:03:38Z")
Thanks, **Tuba**. I did think your words were too sharp, but the frustration was certainly understandable, and that was a good apology. Thanks! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apology/277086.md?page=2)