# An Apostrophe to the Gum-Chewing Siren at My Left **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 29, 2005, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725 "2005-07-29T12:43:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/41 "2005-07-29T19:23:06Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > They should be hunted like wild animals for sport. They should be forced to endure crushed ice enemas. We should be allowed to cram railroad spikes in their eyes and then pee in the empty sockets. Wow, finally, someone who agrees with me about ice chewers! ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/42 "2005-07-29T19:57:17Z")
I thought of you **Eve** , the other day when a woman was wearing a leopard print ruffled skirt and a shirt printed with vertical black and white stripes with large red roses plastered all over the print, over top of the stripes. I imagined you pushing her under the train. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/43 "2005-07-29T20:11:18Z")
> [@lee](#): > > I thought of you **Eve** , the other day when a woman was wearing a leopard print ruffled skirt and a shirt printed with vertical black and white stripes with large red roses plastered all over the print, over top of the stripes. I imagined you pushing her under the train. Justifiable homicide. Entirely justifiable. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/44 "2005-07-29T20:18:09Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Justifiable homicide. Entirely justifiable. No kidding. I got retinal burn just thinking about that. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/45 "2005-07-29T21:51:04Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Just for my own curiosity, could you put this statement into context for me? I did a little poking around, and didn’t find you making similar statements in other threads, so I find myself a bit curious as to why you decided to take a swipe in this one. I do like to at least try to keep up on the goings on around here. > > So, what’s the deal? Did Eve kidnap your puppy? Are you a spokes model for cud chewers monthly, and take offence at the bad mouthing of your industry? Did you suffer a disfiguring accident attempting to chew gum and walk at the same time? > > Seriously. What’s the deal? What exactly was stopping **eve** from moving exactly? Was it a chartered train? Were there absoloutely no seats left that she couldn’t move? Somehow this is not really pit material. It’s a girl chewing gum fer’chris’sakes. And don’t get all PC on my ass, because there are certainly people who would find transvestites not too agreeable to look at, although I am not one. It’s just an opinion. Fuck, find some better pit material next time, **Eve.** OH NO someone was chewing gum on the train. I am so outraged. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/46 "2005-07-29T22:03:03Z")
**Go You Big Red Fire Engine** , Well, that’s all interesting and stuff. Honest. It’s just that you don’t seem to be playing the thread avenger in all of the other threads in the Pit, so I thought that it was worth checking from a bizzaro personal issue stance. For the record: are you or are you not a spokes model for Cud Monthly and have you or have you not suffered a disfiguring accident from attempting to chew gum and walk at the same time. Remember, this is for posterity so please be honest. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/47 "2005-07-29T22:06:43Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > … And don’t get all PC on my ass, because there are certainly people who would find transvestites not too agreeable to look at, although I am not one. It’s just an opinion… Also, where the fuck did that come from? You seem to be posting randomly. All that I am doing is asking for some context, because I am really not getting where you are coming from at all. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2005, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/48 "2005-07-29T23:32:31Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > For the record: are you or are you not a spokes model for Cud Monthly and have you or have you not suffered a disfiguring accident from attempting to chew gum and walk at the same time. Remember, this is for posterity so please be honest. I think he’s just a Chewley’s Gum representative. ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/49 "2005-07-30T00:30:09Z")
“beleaguered wad of gum” Now, **that’s** some fine writing! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/50 "2005-07-30T01:01:59Z")
A Scarlett Johansson lookalike would have to be some kinda disgusting (see: _Houston, Whitney, and Bobby Brown_) before I’d let it bother me. Gum chewing? Blah. Nose picking? Meh. Displaying her grossly ingrown toenails on lunch counters? Maybe, but don’t bet on it. Snoring? I should _have_ such problems… ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/51 "2005-07-30T01:49:31Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > oh my god… my junior high band teacher had that on a poster on the wall… I haven’t chewed gum more than a dozen times since then… The verse is ubiquitous, and impossible (at least with my ability and resources) to source accurately. The original had the word “student” instead of “female” of course, and other differences, no doubt, as well. It’s appeared in childrens’ joke books since the early 70’s at least. **GYBRFE** , I’ll call you **Dalmatian** for short. Your first mistake was in assuming that **Eve** might have some flaws in her own personal ettiquette. She might, but it’s a mistake to assume it. Second mistake, **Dalmatian** , (Heck, I’ll call you **Puppy** for short) was invading a thread to impose such a supposition (by no means a fact) upon the rest of us, with no point of view as to the topic of your own. Third mistake, **Puppy** , (Still too long – I’ll call you **DimBulb** ) was to post in complete ignorance of the human density of morning train cars into Manhattan. Fourth mistake, **Dimbulb** – Hell, change it back to **Puppy** (And let’s just shorten that right now to **Pup** ), and the one that will probably haunt you the longest, is your baseless interjection of an infantile bias against transvestites’ appearance, which has nothing to do with this thread. Your fifth mistake, yet to come, is to appear again in this thread to say anything other than “I apologize.” ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/52 "2005-07-30T01:54:29Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > Also, where the fuck did that come from? You seem to be posting randomly. All that I am doing is asking for some context, because I am really not getting where you are coming from at all. It’s a lame pit thread. Exceedingly. She could’ve moved. She could not have pitted such a lame topic. But since she seems to find someone else’s activities in public so disgusting, then perhaps her own presence in public should be examined. Of course, if you pitted trans-sexuals you’d be hacked down immediately by the eve brigade. She is pitting chewing gum. The OP is lame. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/53 "2005-07-30T01:58:16Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > What exactly was stopping **eve** from moving exactly? Was it a chartered train? Were there absoloutely no seats left that she couldn’t move? > Somehow this is not really pit material. It’s a girl chewing gum fer’chris’sakes. And don’t get all PC on my ass, because there are certainly people who would find transvestites not too agreeable to look at, although I am not one. It’s just an opinion. > Fuck, find some better pit material next time, **Eve.** Alright, being an organized sort of a hairpin, I shall thrust aside our Doublemint-cracking slattern and address **Mr. G.Y.B.R.F. Engine** ’s questions. 1. There _were_ absolutely no more seats available on the train. I would have had to get up and stand on another part of the train, submitting Cracky McPopdagum to a social shunning in public which she may never have recovered from. 2. Yes, I have known for 25 years that “there are certainly people who would find transvestites not too agreeable to look at,” which is why I try to keep my appearance as low-key and unsexual as possible. There will always be people who do not wish to look at me, but I have to earn a living and go out in public, looking as inoffensive as I possibly can. 3. Find better Pit material? What could be better than spotting an amusing but disgusting social faux pas and addressing it in a humorous rant as roared by John Barrymore? _“I had to close my upstage eye to block her out of my vision, for I was a hair’s-breadth away from pouncing on her and thrashing her soundly for the slatternly fishwife she was, till she choked on her vile cud.”_ Can’t you just hear that from the golden tones of John Barrymore at his actin’est? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/54 "2005-07-30T02:02:33Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > Of course, if you pitted trans-sexuals you’d be hacked down immediately by the eve brigade. Waitaminute–I got a _brigade?_ It would kill them to come in and dust once in a while, pick up some cat food, maybe order me a few sweaters from Lands’ End? Oh, wait, do I have to pay a brigade? Are they union? ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/55 "2005-07-30T02:05:16Z")
> [@The King of Soup](#): > > The verse is ubiquitous, and impossible (at least with my ability and resources) to source accurately. The original had the word “student” instead of “female” of course, and other differences, no doubt, as well. It’s appeared in childrens’ joke books since the early 70’s at least. > > **GYBRFE** , I’ll call you **Dalmatian** for short. Your first mistake was in assuming that **Eve** might have some flaws in her own personal ettiquette. She might, but it’s a mistake to assume it. Second mistake, **Dalmatian** , (Heck, I’ll call you **Puppy** for short) was invading a thread to impose such a supposition (by no means a fact) upon the rest of us, with no point of view as to the topic of your own. Third mistake, **Puppy** , (Still too long – I’ll call you **DimBulb** ) was to post in complete ignorance of the human density of morning train cars into Manhattan. Fourth mistake, **Dimbulb** – Hell, change it back to **Puppy** (And let’s just shorten that right now to **Pup** ), and the one that will probably haunt you the longest, is your baseless interjection of an infantile bias against transvestites’ appearance, which has nothing to do with this thread. Your fifth mistake, yet to come, is to appear again in this thread to say anything other than “I apologize.” I don’t have an infantile bias against trans-sexuals appearances. That was your first mistake. Second, you seem to be missing the lame-ness of the OP. Third, was to assume I need to apologise for not conforming to the eve brigade. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/56 "2005-07-30T02:13:46Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Alright, being an organized sort of a hairpin, I shall thrust aside our Doublemint-cracking slattern and address **Mr. G.Y.B.R.F. Engine** ’s questions. > > 1. There _were_ absolutely no more seats available on the train. I would have had to get up and stand on another part of the train, submitting Cracky McPopdagum to a social shunning in public which she may never have recovered from. > > 2. Yes, I have known for 25 years that “there are certainly people who would find transvestites not too agreeable to look at,” which is why I try to keep my appearance as low-key and unsexual as possible. There will always be people who do not wish to look at me, but I have to earn a living and go out in public, looking as inoffensive as I possibly can. > > 3. Find better Pit material? What could be better than spotting an amusing but disgusting social faux pas and addressing it in a humorous rant as roared by John Barrymore? _“I had to close my upstage eye to block her out of my vision, for I was a hair’s-breadth away from pouncing on her and thrashing her soundly for the slatternly fishwife she was, till she choked on her vile cud.”_ Can’t you just hear that from the golden tones of John Barrymore at his actin’est? 1. Fair enough. See point 3) 2. See point 3) 3. This was not pit material. This was MPSIMS material. No doubt about it. Maybe if you had’ve got up and followed you and chewed mouth open right in front of you. Then maybe, pit material. What if someone pitted you for “an amusing but disgusting social faux pas”? Hell give it 2 minutes there would be 100 replies pitting the OP’er instead. But not here, no, not here. Hell, I didn’t have to read this thread, I didn’t have to post, and no-one had to reply to me. But after a while it just gets annoying seeing the pit filled with annoying MPSIMS crap like this. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/57 "2005-07-30T02:16:38Z")
:: Pats **Go etc.** on head :: OOOOOOOOOOO!!! Aren’t you just the cutests widdle Junior Mod! Yes, you are, yes you are! Good widdle Moddy! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/58 "2005-07-30T02:30:28Z")
> [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > This was not pit material. This was MPSIMS material . . . after a while it just gets annoying seeing the pit filled with annoying MPSIMS crap like this. I guess some people like Alexander Woollcott; some people like Howard Stern. If my hideous appearance offended the sensibilities of anyone on the train, I would rather they inform me of this in the voices of Mr. Wilde or Mrs. Parker, rather than the late lamented Happiness Crew, **Joe** and **Jersey**. I cannot help being “not too agreeable to look at.” Ms. Johansson can, however, chew her gum silently, with her gob shut. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/59 "2005-07-30T02:34:52Z")
Oh, so you want to be told when you’re offending people, but you don’t tell people when they’re offending you? However, I am sure some people believe that you yourself could’ve made the choice to “not offend the sensibilities” of some people. Just like the siren. Only opinions after all. But I find your post rather hypocritical and do not wish to subscribe to your newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2005, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725/60 "2005-07-30T02:45:24Z")
Wow, Go You Big Red Fire Engine. And I thought I was a flaming cunt. I bow to your superior cuntositude, my liege. I am but a wee bitch before you. I mean, pissing in a thread that, yes, should have been in MPSIMS was one thing. Who among us hasn’t wanted to do that? But bringing up transvestites? Bravissimo. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-apostrophe-to-the-gum-chewing-siren-at-my-left/314725.md?page=4)