# An average person asks you out on a date. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 10, 2015, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034 "2015-12-10T02:55:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e79b87/32.png) [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/actualliberalnotoneofthose)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2015, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/81 "2015-12-10T23:41:22Z")
I am a male. I have never asked a woman out, but I have never turned one down intentionally (it has been pointed out to me after the fact when I have unintentionally) while single. I would be more than happy with “average” for the hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/82 "2015-12-11T00:09:17Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > There is, though, in the sense of ‘typical,’ ‘common’ or ‘ordinary.’ Still means nothing to me. I have no idea what a ‘typical’ personality would be like. I’m not deliberately being awkward, I just can’t form a mental image. I wonder if some of this is cultural. I’ve never been on a date with a stranger or near-stranger. The norm here is\* to go out with people from your social/work/whatever group - you know each other for a while, you know you get on well, you know you find the person attractive, and gradually the acquaintanceship or friendship turns into something more. So the idea of going on a date with someone while knowing almost nothing about his personality is bizarre to me. \*Or was, anyway. I get the feeling it’s shifting slightly, with internet dating. ---
**Author:** ![Marlonius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Marlonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlonius)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/83 "2015-12-11T00:26:38Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > In the poll, I had suspected that most men would say yes and most women would say no. > Actual results so far:\*\* 79% \*\*of men would accept; **57%** of women would accept. So the gender stereotypes are still somewhat true. …or men are more honest, both when filling out a poll, and with themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/84 "2015-12-11T00:27:54Z")
> [@iljitsch](#): > > I should start asking people their IQ test scores to see whether this is true. Most people don’t know their IQ because most people don’t give a shit - but I’m not saying IQ tests are useless. They can be very useful in conjunct with other evaluations to pinpoint an individual’s specific issues. My husband is a shrink and administers them all the time to kids who are struggling in school. It helps determine whether the issue is cognitive impairment or learning disability or purely behavioral. In terms of real-world predictability, IQ is generally a decent predictor of how well you do in school. That’s pretty much it. That’s leaving out the myriad ways a person can be smart outside of book learnin’ – musically, linguistically, athletically, mechanically, etc. I try never to confuse education with intelligence. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/85 "2015-12-11T01:59:27Z")
I will admit that part of what would make an otherwise average woman interesting is that she is asking me out. I think I’m somewhere between moderately unusual and way unusual among males that I detest the conventional expectation that the malebodied folk are supposed to do the asking, and boycott it to a significant extent. So my entire pool of possibilities consists of women who initiate things on at least some discernable level. And that filters out a huge percentage of female-bodied folk. The remaining contingent is sparsely populated enough that I rarely if ever decline an invite. (The ones I do tend to be coarse and hostile and contemptuous in their lewdness and I should not really describe such events as “asks you out on a date”) [QUOTE=you with the face] Women have more experience being asked out, so it’s not a special big deal to them. Whereas men may see it as unusual enough that they feel intrigued by the gesture alone, even if they aren’t particularly drawn to the person doing the asking. [/quote] ^^^ with regards to what he said: So would all this change for me if the world changed and women were asking men out as often as vice versa? I’m sure it would. No doubt about it. I think and hope that I’d be willing to see what results from spending time with someone who was interested in me but didn’t initially impress me in a standing-out non-average way, but it’s totally a factor. Just like the entire unequal phenomenon is the impetus for my boycott. I’m not willing to be the annoyance and I have to feel special so I do it this way and it works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/86 "2015-12-11T05:10:15Z")
Male here. Sure, why not. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/87 "2015-12-11T05:36:41Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Most people don’t know their IQ because most people don’t give a shit - but I’m not saying IQ tests are useless. They can be very useful in conjunct with other evaluations to pinpoint an individual’s specific issues. My husband is a shrink and administers them all the time to kids who are struggling in school. It helps determine whether the issue is cognitive impairment or learning disability or purely behavioral. > > In terms of real-world predictability, IQ is generally a decent predictor of how well you do in school. That’s pretty much it. That’s leaving out the myriad ways a person can be smart outside of book learnin’ – musically, linguistically, athletically, mechanically, etc. I try never to confuse education with intelligence. Slight addendum as I got some schooling after making this post. Apparently IQ is a pretty good predictor of economic success as well. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/88 "2015-12-11T05:43:16Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Or. > > 1. Women have more experience being asked out, so it’s not a special big deal to them. Whereas men may see it as unusual enough that they feel intrigued by the gesture alone, even if they aren’t particularly drawn to the person doing the asking. Or run away screaming and hide in the bathroom, like some guys did when unexpectedly faced with Ladies’ Choice (apparently they didn’t do that in Asturias; we did, our guys would grin like loons if they got chosen). ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/89 "2015-12-11T06:39:07Z")
First question: Who is defining ‘average’? The ‘average looking’ person in LA (city) looks much different than the ‘average looking’ person in LA (state). Then the problem is intelligence. Sorry, but I require mental engagement. My mother was quite bright. My father was ‘average’. Father was a damned moron. There is a reason it’s called ‘small talk’ - because that is the level at which all can engage. Some of us want a bit more. ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/90 "2015-12-11T09:31:49Z")
_“On a 1 to 10, they’re a 5. Average looks, education, personality. IQ is 100. Nothing particularly remarkable, unusual or different.”_ In this hypothetical I would be intrigued, as I don’t remember meeting a woman who is average in looks, education, personality and intelligence. To me that makes her extraordinary rather than average so I don’t know if the OP’s suggestion works. Also she’s asking a man out which - by my observations - isn’t average, plus she’s _asking me out_ which puts her in the category of unique, in which case I can’t actually say if I would agree or not to the date as I’ve no past history to go on. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/91 "2015-12-11T10:46:44Z")
I’d say yes, just to find out what an average personality is. ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/92 "2015-12-11T11:20:32Z")
> [@Aangelica](#): > > There’s a thing you’re not considering though - there’s a non-zero percentage of women who wouldn’t accept a date from any complete stranger, regardless of how average or not-average they appear, due to safety considerations. I don’t think you’re really sticking to the spirit of the hypothetical, here. Re-reading the OP, I think it’s pretty clear that “not a rapist” was pretty heavily implied. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/93 "2015-12-11T15:05:21Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And why is there no same-sex option in the poll? Oh, who knows? [ul] [li]As a deliberate snub to you personally?[/li][li]Because everyone knows that gays are horndogs and will go with anyone who asks, sometimes without the formality of an actual date (NTTAWWT)?[/li][li]Because the OP for reasons of his own wanted to focus on straight relationships and the entire forum is open to you if you want to start a poll of your own?[/li][li]Inadvertently and with no malice aforethought?[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/94 "2015-12-11T20:08:26Z")
Sure, though I wouldn’t already hoping for future dates. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/95 "2015-12-11T20:17:17Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > I am a male. I have never asked a woman out, but I have never turned one down intentionally (it has been pointed out to me after the fact when I have unintentionally) while single. I would be more than happy with “average” for the hypothetical. Assuming you’re straight, how did you ever end up _not_ single? ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/96 "2015-12-11T20:20:30Z")
I’m not sure why so many people are sticking on “average personality”. To me it seems obvious that it’s a person who’s not exceptionally funny, clever, engaging or charming. Nothing extra-ordinary about their personality…you know, “average”. Add in average intelligence to that average personality, and that reads “dull” to me. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/97 "2015-12-11T20:27:21Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > I’m not sure why so many people are sticking on “average personality”. To me it seems obvious that it’s a person who’s not exceptionally funny, clever, engaging or charming. Nothing extra-ordinary about their personality…you know, “average”. > > Add in average intelligence to that average personality, and that reads “dull” to me. I see “average” as just that … an average. There will be some things better about an average person, and some things worse. If I’m lucky, there will be more differences that appeal to me than don’t. Perhaps I’m fighting the hypothetical, but it’s hard for me to even imagine that anyone can be average in _everything_. How are someone’s eyes “average”, or their smile? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034/98 "2015-12-11T21:11:06Z")
Average has different connotations to different people, apparently. When I think average, I think of someone who overall isn’t particularly good or particularly bad. Plain in other words. They have a sense of humor, but you wouldn’t call them funny. They have some knowledge about things, but smart isn’t the first adjective that comes to mind about them. Appearance-wise, it’s hard to peg them as anything except “regular”. They blend in. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-average-person-asks-you-out-on-a-date/740034.md?page=4)