# An etiquette question: how do you tell a complete stranger her butt is showing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 1, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557 "2010-06-01T21:52:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![HeadNinja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b4bc9f/32.png) [@HeadNinja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeadNinja)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/41 "2010-06-02T15:53:47Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Similarly, guys, if your zipper was down, would you want to be told? How? Polite applause is a favorite. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/42 "2010-06-02T16:05:19Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Since this was a restaurant, perhaps asking one of the wait staff to do the deed would be more appropriate? I was thinking maitre d`. Isn’t that his job? I know it would be above my pay grade. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/43 "2010-06-02T16:35:07Z")
I once noticed a woman outisde of a church with her skirt caught in her pantyhose. She was talking to some guy. As soon as he left, I went up to her and said very quietly “Excuse me, but I think you want to know: your dress is caught in the back of your pantyhose.” She looked in a car’s side mirror, then turned her back to the car and did a little dance to pull the dress out, all the while blushing and saying “Thank you. THANK YOU.” U cold not lether go into church like that. God hates hald-assed people. As for a zipper being down, I merely say “Nice underwear.” ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/44 "2010-06-02T17:42:10Z")
How? Immediately, softly, while standing so as to shield her as much as possible without crowding her in a creepy way. And definitely without stopping to gossip about it first. ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/45 "2010-06-02T17:59:43Z")
I was at the grocery store a while back and the checkout clerk was having a wardrobe malfunction. I don’t remember if her shirt had become unbuttoned or if her zipper was down. I didn’t want to embarrass her by telling her, so I discreetly told one of her female colleagues. I am truly hoping she didn’t tell the other person, “Hey, some guy says …”. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/46 "2010-06-02T18:07:55Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > I discreetly told one of her female colleagues I did this recently with a co-worker who had managed to create for herself a little tail out of toilet paper. As I was leaving the desk, I quietly whispered to another co-worker that the first co-worker would “probably be less embarrassed to hear [it] from you than from me.” ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/47 "2010-06-02T18:12:41Z")
A critical piece of data is missing. Was it a nice ass? The answer to that question has a definite influence on what action should be taken. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/48 "2010-06-02T18:19:15Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Similarly, guys, if your zipper was down, would you want to be told? How? I had a pair of pants that I didn’t notice that the zipper would not stay up on its own. I wore the pants twice. The first time, someone pulled me aside and whispered in my ear. It was embarrassing, but no more than finding out myself would have been. And, due to my long shirt, I don’t think anyone else would have noticed. Another guy told me a in a loud voice while alone in a hallway. It didn’t matter that few people would have heard him, it was embarrassing. If the guy didn’t appear to have Asperger’s, I’d have been upset. I personally would tell a woman to tell her if I knew one well enough. If not, I’d unfortunately remain silent. I don’t see myself having the guts to tell her myself, or to ask someone I don’t know to do it. (although, the idea of asking someone on the staff might be possible.) ---
**Author:** ![Jake\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Jake\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake_Jones)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/49 "2010-06-02T19:30:52Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Similarly, guys, if your zipper was down, would you want to be told? How? I absolutely want to be told, and I wouldn’t think a woman was checking me out if she mentions it. How? With plain words is fine. “Your zipper is down” or “your fly is open” work equally well. Sure, it’s embarrassing, but I’d rather know than not. I’m grateful when someone points it out, and it’s happened to me more than once. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/50 "2010-06-02T21:36:14Z")
I once worked for a small company where I was the only guy. One year the boss threw a pool party at her house. I was in the pool and one woman was laying face down on a towel by the side of the pool and at one point sort of propped herself up on an elbow to have a conversation with someone, and when I looked up I saw that her nipple had popped out of her bikini top. I quickly spun around to not be mistaken for staring, and eventually made my way out of the pool to a lounge chair. I kept looking over just to see if she had noticed, or if someone else had and told her. Nope. Her nipple was sticking out there for about 20 minutes or so. I had to leave before the party was over, and the next day at work someone told me “you missed all the fun! Susan’s boob popped out and she was flashing everybody without knowing it!!” Susan was there to hear it, and laughed along, saying “I don’t know how it could have been out without me noticing it, oh well. I guess you’re sorry you left so early, huh corkboard!?!?” If I knew how cool she’d have been about it I would have said something, but I was afraid that, as the only guy, it would have been better if someone else had mentioned it. I have to admit, it was a nice nipple. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/51 "2010-06-02T23:40:14Z")
I don’t care if my fly is unzipped. Stuff happens. You can tell me and I’ll just zip it up. It’s not like I go without underwear. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/52 "2010-06-03T01:12:16Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > I once worked for a small company where I was the only guy. One year the boss threw a pool party at her house. I was in the pool and one woman was laying face down on a towel by the side of the pool and at one point sort of propped herself up on an elbow to have a conversation with someone, and when I looked up I saw that her nipple had popped out of her bikini top. I quickly spun around to not be mistaken for staring, and eventually made my way out of the pool to a lounge chair. > > I kept looking over just to see if she had noticed, or if someone else had and told her. Nope. Her nipple was sticking out there for about 20 minutes or so. I had to leave before the party was over, and the next day at work someone told me “you missed all the fun! Susan’s boob popped out and she was flashing everybody without knowing it!!” Susan was there to hear it, and laughed along, saying “I don’t know how it could have been out without me noticing it, oh well. I guess you’re sorry you left so early, huh corkboard!?!?” > > If I knew how cool she’d have been about it I would have said something, but I was afraid that, as the only guy, it would have been better if someone else had mentioned it. I have to admit, it was a nice nipple. Perhaps she’s an exhibitionist? I mean, how could you not know that? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/53 "2010-06-03T02:07:08Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > I don’t care if my fly is unzipped. Stuff happens. You can tell me and I’ll just zip it up. It’s not like I go without underwear. Exactly. What’s the big deal here? ZZZZIIIPPP. Thanks. Nice weather today, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Chief\_Pedant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@Chief\_Pedant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chief_Pedant)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/54 "2010-06-03T02:14:30Z")
I seem to recall Judith Martin suggesting how one handles, say, a nose booger caught on someone’s cheek (I don’t think she specified a nose booger, but that was the idea). Her Miss Manners suggestion was to point it out so it could be taken care of, but to do so in such a way as to make it seem that the event was barely noticeable. Thus: “Pardon me; might there be a little dust speck blown onto your left cheek?” and not, “Hey, I have never seen a booger that huge get caught on someone’s cheek!” Or, to the case at hand: “Pardon me, is your dress a little bit askew in the back?” and not “Hey, nice ass!” ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/55 "2010-06-03T02:34:13Z")
Quickly and quietly. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/56 "2010-06-03T11:39:52Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > I once worked for a small company where I was the only guy. One year the boss threw a pool party at her house. I was in the pool and one woman was laying face down on a towel by the side of the pool and at one point sort of propped herself up on an elbow to have a conversation with someone, and when I looked up I saw that her nipple had popped out of her bikini top. I quickly spun around to not be mistaken for staring, and eventually made my way out of the pool to a lounge chair. > > I kept looking over just to see if she had noticed, or if someone else had and told her. Nope. Her nipple was sticking out there for about 20 minutes or so. I had to leave before the party was over, and the next day at work someone told me “you missed all the fun! Susan’s boob popped out and she was flashing everybody without knowing it!!” Susan was there to hear it, and laughed along, saying “I don’t know how it could have been out without me noticing it, oh well. I guess you’re sorry you left so early, huh corkboard!?!?” > > If I knew how cool she’d have been about it I would have said something, but I was afraid that, as the only guy, it would have been better if someone else had mentioned it. I have to admit, it was a nice nipple. I’m sorry corkboard, but this I think this is an excerpt from a ‘76 Playboy Forum. You state that you were the only male employee, and the day after the pool party “_someone_” said, “You missed all the fun! Susan’s boob popped out and she was flashing everybody without knowing it!!” This “someone” would HAVE to have been a woman. Unless she was channelling a 14-year-old boy at the time, she’s not likely to have said _that_. Or anything like it. At the pool party all partygoers were women. Certainly Susan’s Elaine Benice moment (or 20) occurred when she was TALKING TO A WOMAN, WHO WOULD HAVE TOLD HER. So sorry cork - it ain’t floatin’ for me. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/57 "2010-06-03T13:06:32Z")
True story. Don’t believe it if you don’t want to. If I was going to make it up I would have tacked on an epilogue about how the two women and I made mad monkey love in the conference room, but I wouldn’t do that because I don’t feel the need to make up shit. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/58 "2010-06-03T13:18:25Z")
Plus, it was in the supply closet. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/59 "2010-06-03T13:25:55Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > So sorry cork - it ain’t floatin’ for me. In defense of corkboard, let’s get this straight. [In the mosquito thread, you say you believe in a woowoo bug repellent item](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=565378) > [@Mosquito problem - HELP!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mosquito-problem-help/541533/24): > > These things [here](http://www.shootag.com.au/default.aspx?page=7&name=Testimonials) REALLY work - it’s a small plastic tag with an electromagnetic strip that you wear. They work for 3 or 4 months, and they’re fantastic…no chemicals. The device you state that you believe in claims: > [@](#): > > The Science > > ``` > * Shoo!TAG represents a paradigm shift in the pest management industry. > * Shoo!TAG utilises Nature’s energetic principles in combination with physics, quantum physics and advanced computer software technology. > * The key to Shoo!TAG is the three dimensional electromagnetic field embedded in the magnetic strip. > * Shoo!TAG utilises the power of the bio-energetic field which surrounds all living things to create a frequency barrier which repels targeted pests for up to four months. > * Shoo!TAG’s magnetic strip is encoded with beneficial frequencies and resonances and an electromagnetic charge bearing a polarised energy signature, which when introduced into the bio-energetic field of the wearer produces results. > * Shoo!TAG also assists the body in altering its external bio energetic field so as to effectively repel targeted pests. This is possible because various insects and pests react to frequencies. These frequencies are introduced into the bio-energetic field of the wearer. These specific frequencies and resonance have proved to disturb pests and create a barrier. > > ``` Yet you are calling out corkboard?:dubious: ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557/60 "2010-06-03T13:26:08Z")
No, no, no. You do it in the supply closet only when you’re trying to hide from others. Since I was regularly porking all the chicks in the office during our lunchtime gangbang sessions, there was no reason to hide it. Which is why we did it on the conference table. Or not, as it happens. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-etiquette-question-how-do-you-tell-a-complete-stranger-her-butt-is-showing/541557.md?page=4)