# An interview tip. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 25, 2006, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139 "2006-08-25T03:47:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/1 "2006-08-25T03:47:04Z")
When interviewing with the person who will be your immediate supervisor, don’t call her “dear.” No matter how much older than her you are. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/2 "2006-08-25T03:56:11Z")
I think the appropriate response to that is to refer to her as ‘fluffy-wuffy snoochikins’. If she get affronted, you can say ‘Well, after you called me ‘dear’, I thought we were just \*that \*close, y’know.’ ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/3 "2006-08-25T04:17:39Z")
Agreed. The best form of address for a man to woman interview is “Hun” and for a woman to woman interview is “Sister”. Both convey the appropriate levels of respect yet intimacy that the job will eventually require. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/4 "2006-08-25T04:27:46Z")
[QUOTE=Shagnasty] Agreed. The best form of address for a man to woman interview is “Hun” and for a woman to woman interview is “Sister”. Both convey the appropriate levels of respect yet intimacy that the job will eventually require. [/QUOTE] I still gotta go with “sugartits.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/5 "2006-08-25T08:16:53Z")
I once had an interview for a job in my hometown’s water-purification plant. When the interviewer asked me to describe my research, I asked her how much chemistry did she know, to adjust the explanation. She laughed and told me she was the person I’d be replacing as plant manager; she’d just been promoted so she would be my boss, if I got the job. I ran into her a few days later. She was very upset. She’d proposed three candidates: myself and two other women. Her boss had interviewed only the single male candidate. She hadn’t proposed us out of feminism; she’d proposed us because she’d thought we’d be best at the job. And he was the one candidate she absolutely didn’t want to work with. He’d called her “honey”, “love” and “dear” at different points through the interview, as well as refusing to explain details of his previous employment on grounds of “well, sweetie, you wouldn’t understand the chemistry involved”. Gee, I’m sure that telling your interviewer what they don’t know about the field where they got their degree is very wise. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/6 "2006-08-25T17:50:51Z")
I have found that turning the interview back on to the interviewer helps. [QUOTE=Steven Wright] One time right in the middle of a job interview, I took out a book and started reading…The guy said "What the hell are you doing? I said “Let me ask you a question…If you were in a vehicle and you were travelling at the speed of light, and then you turned your headlights on…would they do anything?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said “Forget it then, I don’t want to work for you.” [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/7 "2006-08-25T17:56:52Z")
[QUOTE=Greenback] I have found that turning the interview back on to the interviewer helps. [/QUOTE] I _was_ the interviewer. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/8 "2006-08-25T18:08:00Z")
Sorry. I read the OP the other way 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/9 "2006-08-25T18:09:36Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] I ran into her a few days later. She was very upset. She’d proposed three candidates: myself and two other women. Her boss had interviewed only the single male candidate. She hadn’t proposed us out of feminism; she’d proposed us because she’d thought we’d be best at the job. And he was the one candidate she absolutely didn’t want to work with. He’d called her “honey”, “love” and “dear” at different points through the interview, as well as refusing to explain details of his previous employment on grounds of “well, sweetie, you wouldn’t understand the chemistry involved”. [/QUOTE] This is what really bugs me, leaving out the flagrantly icky part: she is supposed to be trusted to pre-screen the candidates and make a recommendation. Why would he second-guess her and even see the guy at all? That must make her feel great :rolleyes: especially when the person will be her direct report, not his. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/10 "2006-08-25T18:24:43Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] This is what really bugs me, leaving out the flagrantly icky part: she is supposed to be trusted to pre-screen the candidates and make a recommendation. Why would he second-guess her and even see the guy at all? That must make her feel great :rolleyes: especially when the person will be her direct report, not his. [/QUOTE] Apparently the extent of her pre-screening was supposed to end once she had identified the gender of the applicants. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/11 "2006-08-25T18:38:03Z")
At a job interview some years ago and after having programmed a CNC milling machine the interviewer said to me “You’re just the person we’ve been looking for” He followed this up with “We’ll let you know” I asked him if he’d any idea how stupid his last two statements were. I didn’t get the job and about 4 weeks later the company went tits up…oh great joy! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/12 "2006-08-25T18:57:10Z")
[QUOTE=chowder] At a job interview some years ago and after having programmed a CNC milling machine the interviewer said to me “You’re just the person we’ve been looking for” He followed this up with “We’ll let you know” I asked him if he’d any idea how stupid his last two statements were. [/QUOTE] 😕 Maybe he had some hoops to jump through and couldn’t hire on the spot? We certainly can’t here. And probably he was pissed that you just stood around while he programmed the machine. ---
**Author:** ![Alistair\_McCello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/58956e/32.png) [@Alistair\_McCello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alistair_McCello)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/13 "2006-08-25T19:39:16Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Maybe he had some hoops to jump through and couldn’t hire on the spot? We certainly can’t here. And probably he was pissed that you just stood around while he programmed the machine. At the risk of being whooshed I think that **chowder** meant that he had been programming the machine. On a related note to all of those interviewers out there. Please, _please_ do not promise, or imply a promise, to hire an interviewee if there is no official decision made. I cannot express how frustrating it was when I was searching for an internship to here interviewers essentially (and sometimes literally) tell me that I was going to get the job only to here back later that week that someone else had been hired. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/14 "2006-08-25T20:38:38Z")
[QUOTE=Misnomer] When interviewing with the person who will be your immediate supervisor, don’t call her “dear.” No matter how much older than her you are. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Now, now, don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. Just run along. _[pats **Misnomer** on the ass]_ 😃 D&R ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/15 "2006-08-26T03:03:11Z")
**Misnomer** , does this mean you’ll be hiring the less-qualified applicant who remembered to call you “ma’am?” If so, you’re sacrificing your organization’s best interests to your personal sensibility. All the more needlessly, since it was a _faux pas_ that could have been so easily fixed. Your applicant misspoke, certainly, but not in a rude, bigoted, misogynistic or even frankly condescending way. He called you “dear,” which is overly familiar, but if he is enough your senior for that to be the explanation, well, then that’s probably the explanation. If you’re less than confident of your ability to establish forms of address with your staff, which I hope is one of the _least_ important protocols for which you’re responsible, even in a situation such as a job interview where you hold _all_ the power, how on Earth do you manage your department? By hiring only perfect people who never need correction? You’re absolutely right, in that the incident deserves to be included in the next edition of 1,001 interview mistakes, but if you excluded the best applicant for this alone, that’s a management mistake as well. I like you and I’m all for you, **Misnomer** , but are you sure you weren’t merely seizing an excuse to blackball the old guy? **chowder** , I once spent an entire day interviewing, taking tests, etc., at a certain company, and was told at the end of the day that I was a top candidate but that they were concerned that I scored a couple percent lower than optimum on the “impulsiveness” section of one of the personality tests, and so they’d need a week or so to make their final decision. I excluded myself from further consideration by asking, “So you’re telling me that _you_ need a _week_ to decide whether _I_ can make decisions fast enough?” I got a great job shortly after I decided that the interview process was all about how quickly I could establish a pleasantly subordinate relationship to the interviewer. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/16 "2006-08-26T03:59:28Z")
[QUOTE=The King of Soup] **Misnomer** , does this mean you’ll be hiring the less-qualified applicant who remembered to call you “ma’am?” If so, you’re sacrificing your organization’s best interests to your personal sensibility. All the more needlessly, since it was a _faux pas_ that could have been so easily fixed. Your applicant misspoke, certainly, but not in a rude, bigoted, misogynistic or even frankly condescending way. He called you “dear,” which is overly familiar, but if he is enough your senior for that to be the explanation, well, then that’s probably the explanation. If you’re less than confident of your ability to establish forms of address with your staff, which I hope is one of the _least_ important protocols for which you’re responsible, even in a situation such as a job interview where you hold _all_ the power, how on Earth do you manage your department? By hiring only perfect people who never need correction? You’re absolutely right, in that the incident deserves to be included in the next edition of 1,001 interview mistakes, but if you excluded the best applicant for this alone, that’s a management mistake as well. I like you and I’m all for you, **Misnomer** , but are you sure you weren’t merely seizing an excuse to blackball the old guy? [/QUOTE] I’ve heard that jumping to conclusions is especially dangerous from up on a soapbox. :rolleyes: [ul][li] **Nowhere did I mention the sex of the applicant**. It happened to be a woman.[/li][li] **Nowhere did I say that I expect to be called “ma’am.”** I don’t expect to be called anything. What I expect is to be treated professionally.[/li][li] **Nowhere did I say whether the applicant would be getting an offer.** That hasn’t been decided yet, but your overreactions can take a break: if we _don’t_ hire her, it will be because of her iffy technical skills, not because of one condescending slip of the tongue.[/li][li] **Nowhere did I make any comment about my ability to handle condescension in the workplace.** As a woman who is young and looks as much as 10 years younger, it’s something I’ve certainly gotten used to. It didn’t endear me to the applicant, and if she’s not able to treat her potential supervisor professionally during an interview I wonder if she’ll be able to control herself when working full-time at the customer site, but it would never be the sole reason I didn’t hire someone.[/ul][/li]The only part of your little diatribe that is accurate is the part that says “your applicant misspoke.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/17 "2006-08-26T05:36:36Z")
[QUOTE=Misnomer] I’ve heard that jumping to conclusions is especially dangerous from up on a soapbox. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Gee, and here I was trying to prevent you from over-reacting to someone calling you “dear.” If I’m on a soapbox, lambikins, you’re on stilts. Sweetie. [QUOTE=Misnomer] **Nowhere did I mention the sex of the applicant**. It happened to be a woman. [/QUOTE] So there was even _less_ reason to take offense than I assumed for you. An older woman calling a young woman “dear” is as an expected a constuction as anyone other than someone looking for offense could expect. [QUOTE=Misnomer] **Nowhere did I say that I expect to be called “ma’am.”** I don’t expect to be called anything. What I expect is to be treated professionally. [/QUOTE] I bet you’d be pretty freaked out if you “weren’t called _anything_.” Treating someone professionally would include a frank admission of why being called “dear” wasn’t acceptable to you. But _that_ apparently didn’t happen. > [@](#): > > **Nowhere did I say whether the applicant would be getting an offer.** That hasn’t been decided yet, but your overreactions can take a break: if we _don’t_ hire her, it will be because of her iffy technical skills, not because of one condescending slip of the tongue. So the OP is meaningless? The slip of the tongue _wouldn’t_ lose her the job? Calling you “dear” _doesn’t_ override qualifications and experience? Well, good, then. The slip of the tongue still wasn’t “condescending,” though, which raises the question, why is this an issue for you? [QUOTE=Misnomer] **Nowhere did I make any comment about my ability to handle condescension in the workplace.** [/QUOTE] Your OP provides more than enough evidence on that score. [QUOTE=Misnomer] As a woman who is young and looks as much as 10 years younger… [/QUOTE] I believe the first part and will take on faith the second. Doesn’t excuse you from doing your job, though. Hire the people who can do the job, not the ones who suck up to you hard enough. > [@](#): > > …and if she’s not able to treat her potential supervisor professionally during an interview I wonder if she’ll be able to control herself when working full-time at the customer site… And that is _entirely_ outside your control, as both an interviewer and a supervisor? I begin to understand why you might prefer young untrained kids, however much damage it might do to your company, but it doesn’t exactly speak to your value as a hiring manager. > [@](#): > > The only part of your little diatribe that is accurate is the part that says “your applicant misspoke.” And that’s a pointer as to why your boss made a big mistake in promoting you. You see only others’ errors, never your own. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/18 "2006-08-26T05:54:18Z")
**Gigi** As **Alistair Mc** says I was the one who programmed the machine, the interviewer just stood and gawped and obviously hadn’t the faintest idea what I was doing. Also as Alistair says, **Don’t** hold out false hopes. There is nothing more annoying than being told that you’re the one they want and then being told that they’ll let you know…dummies! ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/19 "2006-08-26T13:29:50Z")
[QUOTE=Misnomer] **Nowhere did I mention the sex of the applicant**. **Nowhere did I say that I expect to be called “ma’am.”** **Nowhere did I say whether the applicant would be getting an offer.** **Nowhere did I make any comment about my ability to handle condescension in the workplace.** [/QUOTE] Simmer down dear. 😛😉 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139/20 "2006-08-26T15:54:31Z")
**King of Soup** , I’m really not sure where all of your attitude is coming from. You professed to “like me” and “be on my side,” yet you make all kinds of negative assumptions about the OP and then get nasty (and personal, btw, which I don’t believe is allowed in this forum) when I dare to correct you? [QUOTE=The King of Soup] Gee, and here I was trying to prevent you from over-reacting to someone calling you “dear.” If I’m on a soapbox, lambikins, you’re on stilts. Sweetie. [/QUOTE] The problem is your assumption that I would overreact, and that I needed some kind of intervention. > [@](#): > > So there was even _less_ reason to take offense than I assumed for you. An older woman calling a young woman “dear” is as an expected a constuction as anyone other than someone looking for offense could expect. I’m not sure why you hold to this belief that it’s ok for older people to be condescending and inappropriate just because they’re older. You seem to expect it of them. Besides, this woman was maybe 20 years older than me, we’re not talking about a senior citizen or something. > [@](#): > > I bet you’d be pretty freaked out if you “weren’t called _anything_.” Treating someone professionally would include a frank admission of why being called “dear” wasn’t acceptable to you. But _that_ apparently didn’t happen. First, you have no idea what did or didn’t happen. Second, you’re wrong: treating someone professionally would include an understanding that the “dear” was just a slip of the tongue, a recognition of the fact that the woman seemed to know that what she’d said was inappropriate, and the grace to let it slip. If we decide to hire her – _and if it happens again_ – _that’s_ when a discussion about such things would take place. > [@](#): > > So the OP is meaningless? The slip of the tongue _wouldn’t_ lose her the job? Calling you “dear” _doesn’t_ override qualifications and experience? Well, good, then. I have no idea what made you draw those conclusions, but of _course_ the OP is meaningless! This is MPSIMS! What forum did _you_ think we were in? > [@](#): > > The slip of the tongue still wasn’t “condescending,” though, which raises the question, why is this an issue for you? I will never understand why people on this board feel the need to defend their opinions as though they were fact. IT IS MY OPINION that the way this woman used “dear” was, in fact, condescending. You weren’t there, you have no information other than what I have provided, therefore it’s a little rude – and condescending – of _you_ to be telling me that I’m wrong. > [@](#): > > Hire the people who can do the job, not the ones who suck up to you hard enough. React to what the OP says, not to what you read into it. > [@](#): > > And that is _entirely_ outside your control, as both an interviewer and a supervisor? I begin to understand why you might prefer young untrained kids, however much damage it might do to your company, but it doesn’t exactly speak to your value as a hiring manager. Yawn. > [@](#): > > And that’s a pointer as to why your boss made a big mistake in promoting you. You see only others’ errors, never your own. Right, one brief, misunderstood OP in MPSIMS and of _course_ you now know everything about my management style and whether I should have been promoted. Uh huh. [QUOTE=QuickSilver] Simmer down dear. 😛 😉 [/QUOTE] 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-interview-tip/370139.md?page=2)