# An MMP about my dad **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** mmp\ **Created:** [March 26, 2012, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833 "2012-03-26T10:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/21 "2012-03-26T14:48:37Z")
Hang in there, **Bunz.** ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/22 "2012-03-26T14:50:08Z")
**יהי זכרו ברוך** - May the memory of him be blessed. {{{ **Ivory** and family }}} ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/23 "2012-03-26T15:09:50Z")
He’s ok. He just had his ringer turned off. I can finally breathe again. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/24 "2012-03-26T15:09:55Z")
_phew_ They’re taking me back! I’ll probably have to sign a disciplinary form or some such, but they’re taking me back! AND, they’re going to pay me for the sick/personal/vaca time I’ve accrued this fiscal year! again, I say _phew_ ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/25 "2012-03-26T15:22:56Z")
Congrats, **rosie**! Saves you the trouble of trolling bars looking for a sugar daddy! 😉 OK, off to move logs… ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/26 "2012-03-26T15:29:03Z")
> [@Noone\_Special](#): > > **יהי זכרו ברוך** - May the memory of him be blessed. > > {{{ **Ivory** and family }}} Thank you- to all of you. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/27 "2012-03-26T16:12:24Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > What I learned through this, while waiting in hospice everyday, was we all feel alone in this and yet everyone goes through it. Everyone room on the hospice ward had it’s own private sorrows. > > We are alone and yet we are all together. Well said. 147 different emotions will run through your brain in the next few weeks; from being glad that its over to being horribly sad that its over to not knowing how to feel. Whichever emotions visit you, whatever ones you feel, are right and proper. They won’t be the same as anyone else’s – but they will be right. I would have given everything never to have gone through this (checking out slowly - my family always dies quickly or by accident) but now that I have I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. It allowed me to see behind a curtain I never knew existed. **{{{{{{{SOAPY}}}}}}}** And feel free to run over the other building and have our mutual friend hug you for us IRL. We’ll “pay her back” at Knoebels in a couple weeks. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/28 "2012-03-26T16:21:54Z")
Something odd the Old Wench and I have gone through; don’t know that I mentioned it here. We never had kids; most of our last 12 years have been keeping her parents as independent as possible and as happy as possible once the independence couldn’t be done. Now with the last one gone there is this really odd empty nest thing happening. Wishing we could still do more, wishing we were still needed, wishing they would call. We look at the warm weather we’ve had and think how much Muvver would have enjoyed a ride around in it in her wheelchair – or maybe a car ride for an Italian ice. Watching the decline was much like watching someone become “ungrown” and “unborn” but it never really prepared us for the final separation if that makes any kind of sense at all. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/29 "2012-03-26T16:25:47Z")
It’s amazing, isn’t it, **soapy** , how long it takes us to appreciate our parents as whole people who had a full existence long before we were born. My dad was born in Oklahoma to an itinerant farmer and gambler. He used to tell stories of growing up in the Depression, when he would steal chickens from a neighbor and sell them back (and the neighbor knew exactly what was going on and always ransomed his chickens, because he knew how broke Dad’s family was), how he hunted squirrels as a boy, and how he envied the orphans at the local orphanage because they always had shoes to wear. When I was in my twenties, Dad got really interested in genealogy and started researching. He found out that when his mom married his dad, her oldest brother cut her out of the family and forbade all of the other brothers and sisters from speaking with her. He thought he’d had one aunt on her side. He found out he had sixteen aunts and uncles and that his grandfather had been married four times. His mother was the youngest daughter. Now, Alzheimer’s has mostly stolen him away. He had a good weekend, and there were a couple of times I could see Dad peeking out. When I read up on the disease, it took me a while, but I finally found statistics regarding lifespan after diagnosis. For a man of Dad’s age, at his stage of Alzheimer’s, the average lifespan was just over a year. He told me once that he wanted to be buried at Arlington. His military service has always been the accomplishment he’s most proud of. As a retired military officer, he has the right. It turns out that as his unmarried daughter, _I_ have that right. But it makes me a little sad. His parents are buried in Oklahoma. His mother’s parents are in Texas in a graveyard outside a now disappeared town, and I’ve no idea where his father’s parents are. If we do bury him in Washington DC, we will rarely be able to visit his grave. I want to honor his wishes, and at the same time, I’d like to have him close enough to visit. It seems sometimes that my whole family, alive and dead, are scattered to the wind, but then, I suppose it was that way long before I was born. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/30 "2012-03-26T16:59:32Z")
OK, time for a Mumper sing-along. Ready?? \* ♪♫♪ I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay… ♪♫ \* 😃 I just finished gathering up logs and branches to make room so \*\*FCD \*\*can cut down more trees and hack them into more logs and branches… We’re getting rid of the dead and dying pine trees along the driveway and making room for nicer plantings (he doesn’t know that part yet. 😉 ) I loaded all I could on the trailer, except for some large hardwood branches, which will be cut up for firewood. The stuff on the trailer will go to the mulch pile at the landfill where it’ll be ground up and given away to any locals who want miscellaneous mulch. I’m eating the last of the chickie pot pie and then I may go out and move a few hosta. It’s a pretty day with a nice breeze, so it’s not too hot to labor. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/31 "2012-03-26T17:27:53Z")
He sounds like a wonderful man and was well loved {{ **soapy & family** }} Monday is chugging along OK. I need to go eat lunch but I am sick of Subway and I didn’t pack anything today. I need to get back in that habit. 80 and sunny here in OKland. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/32 "2012-03-26T17:55:31Z")
Nothing like talking to doctor’s offices over and over… I got a call from the surgical center where I’m having my colonoscopy next week. They needed to ask the usual bazillion questions prior to the procedure, and one was about an EKG. Apparently one must be done before they can probe. So I’ll be going Weds afternoon for that. Rah. The leaning tree is down! There was just enough wind that it shook loose from the branches that were supporting it. I need to clear a few stray branches off the driveway before \*\*FCD \*\*comes home. I’m glad it’s down and that it didn’t fall on me when I was working out there. That would have been unpleasant. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/33 "2012-03-26T18:12:54Z")
**ITD** thanks for the great story! That’s a way for a person to live on - in the hearts of loved ones. Same for **pouka** , who is going through great grief but also has good memories that will someday outshine the bad. My parents are still living, my dad is 80 and Mom will turn 80 May 1st. My sister & I are planning a family get together. About a decade ago my dad decided to write down his early child memories in a book. Went as far as to have it bound, and gave copies to my sister and me. Stories of growing up in Arbutus and SW Baltimore. He always said he wished his dad had written down some of his stories, so when given the opportunity he did it himself for us. Just had another very long morning. After a flurry of texts with my soon to be ex’s son, I blasted from Annapolis to Richmond this morning (3 hrs) and retrieved my truck that my wife had presumed to give to her son. God she beat the hell out of it. F350 deisel - not cheap! I get to go to work in a couple minutes. I’m tired… **FCM** I’m still on for tomorrow barring any surprises. We’ll be in touch. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/34 "2012-03-26T18:46:38Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > OK, time for a Mumper sing-along. Ready?? \* ♪♫♪ I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay… ♪♫ > \* > 😃 - ♪♫♪ I cut down trees. I wear high heels, Suspendies, and a bra. I wish I’d been a girlie, Just like my dear Papa. … ♪♫ - And now the sound of John Denver being strangled ------------ thank you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/35 "2012-03-26T18:55:46Z")
I went to see the apartment this morning. It’s basically a basement apartment - it’s below the ground, but the hallway to it is still open to the weather, because this is California :rolleyes: Anyway, it’s big. It’s basically a long rectangle with the kitchen as a spur at the end. It doesn’t have a lot of the original features like the other one did. It’s floored with ceramic tile and the bathroom was redone with a fiberglass shower, probably in the 80s. But it has a bench-like shelf built in all along the wall, there’s a small shelf unit built-in in the kitchen, and the closet is a good size. And it’s right next to the laundry room. I hope I get it. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/36 "2012-03-26T18:56:39Z")
> [@2gigch1](#): > > Just had another very long morning. After a flurry of texts with my soon to be ex’s son, I blasted from Annapolis to Richmond this morning (3 hrs) and retrieved my truck that my wife had presumed to give to her son. God she beat the hell out of it. F350 deisel - not cheap! I get to go to work in a couple minutes. I’m tired… :dubious: Are you now going to wind up on a judge show, getting sued for repoing your own vehicle? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/37 "2012-03-26T19:12:29Z")
Howdy Y’all! Takin’ a break and postin’ from irk. Very frustratin’ day. On top of achy sinuses, stuff just does not want to work thereby makin’ irk all the more irksome. Sometimes I can access information, sometimes I can’t. AARRRRGGGHHH!!! **Ruble** you beat me to it re _The Lumberjack Song_.😃 **mmmmmm’s** I was readin’ your post and when I got to OKland I kept thinkin’ “what’s she doin’ in Oakland? she didn’t say she was goin’ to Oakland.” Just like you’d have to tell us if you actually were goin’ to Oakland, which, you would, of course, have to do. Lots of great memories of family goin’ on in this thread. ETA: Yay for **Rosie**! Ok, reckon I should get back to irk. Le Sigh ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/38 "2012-03-26T19:26:17Z")
\*\*Tugig \*\*- I’m now expecting lots of fascinating stories from you tomorrow - you better not let me down! \*\*kopek \*\*- good job! I, of course, gave myself that earworm. And from our “It Figures” department - I managed to move and load all the logs and branches with no problems and minimal back ache. Naturally, that means I would come into the house and draw blood opening an envelope. :rolleyes: There are few things worse than a paper cut - especially one on the tender inside of a finger joint. owie! I just watched Taz sneak up on and attack Ziva - these cats crack me up! I hate to think what they’ll do home along all week while we’re in FL. I expect poor Ricky will be forced to do much skritching when he comes over for feeding time. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/39 "2012-03-26T19:30:05Z")
**Soapy** - thank you for telling us about your Dad. He sounds like a very interesting man. I have my own dear Dad here with me, and when I get home I’ll give him a hug - just 'cause. I hope when the time comes I can be as strong as you have been. And **kopek** - I know what you mean. Taking care of my Dad has many similarities to raising a child. He’s about to turn 88. Thanks God he’s in (relatively) good health. **{{{all the Mumpers}}}** ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833/40 "2012-03-26T19:34:51Z")
So, I’m now going to spend my day humming “The Lumberjack Song”, which will make my day better in every possible way. 😃 In the meantime, the day started with a solid /headdesk and D’OH, as last night, Mom had given Dad all three copies of his birth certificate. Which he hid. And this morning, when he woke up - surprise! - he couldn’t find them. Someone had stolen them. In taking his room apart, Mom and bro found two _other_, completely unrelated copies of his birth certificates, as well as car titles to cars that haven’t been owned since before I was born. Oy. Mom has run Dad to the nearest military base to get a new ID. I’m looking up stuff for her, doing laundry, contemplating planting my new tomato plants, and going to the hardware store. I also have an afternoon appointment to see an assisted living facility which sounds fantastic, but costs $6K a month, which we can swing if we drop everything else, I get a full time job, and nothing bad happens for the rest of Dad’s life. Also, it costs $4K to go on their waiting list. Now, I need some practical advice. The other night, Dad went for a stroll at 3 a.m. The only reason we knew about this was because he couldn’t figure out how to get back in, so he rang the doorbell. Clearly, we need some sort of alarm/chime/notification on the exterior doors, so we know if someone’s coming and going. I tried the hardware store, but the versions they had were so loud, I nearly had a heart attack, and I’m in relatively good health. I’m considering a shop bell - you install it on the door or just above it, and the cute little bell rings anytime the door is opened. Mom frowns. There’s also a full on alarm system, because friends of mine had it, and whenever the alarm was turned off, it still did a “beedle-eep” anytime a door was opened - just loud enough to hear, not loud enough to scare. The other stuff out there refuses to say what decibels the chime is, what frequency (higher is better, because then we can hear it, but Dad can’t), or anything else. It also needs to be something that it up high or down low so Dad doesn’t see it in his normal field of vision. Locking the doors in such a way that Dad can’t get out is not an option, as the thought of what would happen during a fire freaks Mom out to no end. Has anyone else dealt with this? What worked for you? What didn’t? Any other ideas occur to you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-mmp-about-my-dad/616833.md?page=3)