# An Ode To A Smoke Alarm **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 18, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914 "2004-09-18T23:02:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/1 "2004-09-18T23:02:23Z")
You wait until the quietest moments in the middle of the night to beep your loudest to the void with your greatest might. It seems you time your efforts to coincide with my slumber. You’ve woken me many, many times, far too many to number. I wonder why you feel the need. Do you really need the practice? Your constant, loud, annoying beeps grate me like a cactus! And just for added effect, as if that wasn’t enough, you wait until I’m under you to holler loud and gruff. It’s not as if I don’t know you work because when I burn the toast, you spring into action to protect us all and in your task, become engrossed. To the point that we must hover there whilst waving a teatowel, to get rid of all that smoke that causes you to howl. So now I know it’s not because you need the exercise. I think it’s pathological! You need to brutalise! I’ve replaced your batteries before so I know that they’re not failing. I think you want the attention that arises from your wailing! Now I know it’s said in many circles there’s no such thing as bad publicity. But that saying was crafted by people ignorant of your duplicity! So I have no option now, but to send you to the pit. Or to remove your batteries to silence you You worthless piece of shit! 😃 Max ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/2 "2004-09-19T00:17:04Z")
Priceless **Maxxxie**. I’ve got to forward that to my firehouse buddies. 😛 Do you have any idea how old the unit is? The NFPA recommends replacement if it’s 10 years old or more, owing to sensitivity drift. If it isn’t that old, it probably needs to be cleaned. I found spiderwebs inside the photo chamber of one unit. Thanks for a helluva good laugh. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/3 "2004-09-19T00:21:37Z")
An excellent ode, **Maxxxie**. Reminds me I need to replace the battery for the one I have here. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/4 "2004-09-19T01:27:31Z")
My smoke alarm hates it when I Forget that I’ve left set on high The flame 'neath the pot Where my eggs boil, too hot, Till the smoke hits the 'lectronic eye. Then it’s rush to the kitchen, to see What has triggered the wailing banshee. Open windows, doors wide! Flap that towel! Subside! I cry vainly, while cats madly flee. All the water has boiled clean away From the blackened pot. Say I: “Oy vey!” See those hot eggs explode! Fragments far and wide throwed\* I’ll be cleaning this mess up all day. \*Yes, I know. Poetic license and all that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/5 "2004-09-19T01:29:14Z")
Or is it “oy veh”? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/6 "2004-09-19T03:04:27Z")
> [@](#): > > So I have no option now, > but to send you to the pit. > Or to remove your batteries to silence you > You worthless piece of shit! Excellent. Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/7 "2004-09-19T03:41:42Z")
Thinking about [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=275804), a female doper has an exciting morning: Hot, steamy shower feels good What’s that racket from the hall? There’s no fire-Shut up! Phone call sidetracked thoughts My toast has turned to charcoal Howling din again! Neighbor being kind Heard smoke alarms and worried She dialed 9-1-1! Sirens in the street Many feet thunder up stairs Firemen at my door! Air is clear again The cute guys have left my home **fessie** was quite right! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2004, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-ode-to-a-smoke-alarm/264914/8 "2004-09-19T06:02:46Z")
Thankyou one and all for your replies 🙂 **EddyTeddyFreddy** , I think it’s “Oy vey”. To both you and **danceswithcats** , thankyou for the poetry. Loving it! Also, **danceswithcats** , I have no idea how old it is, except to say that I’ve been here almost five years, and it came with the house when I moved in. I will probably replace it - not because I think it’s too old (though it probably is). I just want to get its infernal, whinging self out of my house! 😃 Max.