# An open letter to my latest foe, the European Chafer. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 23, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552 "2004-04-23T02:23:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/21 "2004-04-23T15:39:30Z")
You’re missing a great opportunity here. Embrace the grubs. You could be a supplier for _Fear Factor._ Collect them up and sell them for profit! The Four Steps to Success 1. Collect grubs 2. ?? 3. Sell them to Fear Factor 4. Profit!! Grubs- they’re what’s for dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/22 "2004-04-23T16:16:52Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Tell us, **Snooooopy** , are you now, or have you ever been, a lawn grub? Nope, just a Communist seeking to undermine the American way of life! ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/23 "2004-04-23T16:24:47Z")
> [@Hamlet](#): > > So **Brutus** is going to war against some Frenchman with questionable hygiene and unfortunate underwear? I thought they were all like that. No, no - can’t be Frenchmen. They would have surrendered already, just from reading **Brutus** ’ OP. Let’s see - **Brutus** ’ foes are small, vaguely creepy, somewhat disgusting, and don’t communicate much. **Brutus** - your lawn has been invaded by Belgians. I recommend poisoned _pommes frites_. Regards, Shodan A Pitting on lawn care. Only on the SDMB… ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/24 "2004-04-23T21:29:31Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > I am a man of ample resources, much spare time, and few morals. You’re little more than “the turd in the punchbowl” in the Pit. But I’ll give you this much: That line is what I aspire to, and that was one hell of an OP. Napalm should fix your problems. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/25 "2004-04-23T21:52:37Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > **Brutus** - your lawn has been invaded by Belgians. I recommend poisoned _pommes frites_… _Pommes frites_? My God, man, have you no decency? No compassion in that black lump you call a heart? \<_Runs off and googles ‘pommes frites’_\> Oh. Twice-fried Freedom Fries (HA!). Well, short of flying to Belgianistan and purchasing some, I am hosed. I do not have the technical skill or courage to fry a potato…_twice_. I will hand **Coldfire** this, though; For a 2-inch long squirming white worm-ish thing, he can type awfully well. (Although, I suppose he could be dictating…) > [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > …But I’ll give you this much: That line is what I aspire to, and that was one hell of an OP. Napalm should fix your problems. Well, once you lose the morals, the other two come pretty easily! ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/26 "2004-04-24T01:14:31Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > _Pommes frites_ I will hand **Coldfire** this, though; For a 2-inch long squirming white worm-ish thing, he can type awfully well. (Although, I suppose he could be dictating…) Does this mean that the grubs use the board or not? ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/27 "2004-04-24T01:24:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Does this mean that the grubs use the board or not? No really…Do they? I need to know. 😃 > [@](#): > > Not for nothing, but I think you should make that your sig. Cause if you don’t, I will… ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/28 "2004-04-24T02:24:04Z")
Admit it, **Brutus** , you’re [Dale Gribble](http://www.fox.com/kingofthehill/bios/index.htm), aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/29 "2004-04-24T03:48:24Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > Tell us, Snooooopy, are you now, or have you ever been, a lawn grub? > [@Snooooopy](#): > > Nope, just a Communist seeking to undermine the American way of life! Oh, well, that’s all right then. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![UselessGit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/74df32/32.png) [@UselessGit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UselessGit)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/30 "2004-04-24T14:49:58Z")
> [@Chairman Pow](#): > > Does this mean that the grubs use the board or not? They do. In fact, I believe the artist formerly known as **Dutchboy208** signed them up because they didn’t want to use their AmEx over the internet. > [@Steelerphan](#): > > Grubs- they’re what’s for dinner. Man… and I just got used to your "ham"burgers… ☹ Good OP Brutus - I, for one, will happily sign up for your newsletter and whatever spam you want to send my way. May you be victorious in your fight against this evil. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/31 "2004-04-24T16:10:49Z")
> [@Brutus](#): > > _Pommes frites_? My God, man, have you no decency? No compassion in that black lump you call a heart? Of course not - what a silly question. Since the _pommes frites_ idea is no go, I recommend the ultimate, most sinister, most dastardly way imaginable to forever rid yourself of these evil creatures. Have **Lynn Bodoni** come over to your house and ban them. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Chairman\_Pow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Chairman\_Pow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chairman_Pow)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/32 "2004-04-24T17:07:28Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Have **Lynn Bodoni** come over to your house and ban them. For the love of God, no! Save that for something _really_ major…like the neighbor kids. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552/33 "2004-04-24T20:42:47Z")
> [@Chairman Pow](#): > > For the love of God, no! > > Save that for something _really_ major…like the neighbor kids. Nonsense. What do you think **Brutus** got the pesticides for? Silly rabbit - Tricks are for kids. Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-my-latest-foe-the-european-chafer/241552.md?page=1)