Because A Horse With No Name is a stupid song.
I wouldn’t mind so much if they were addressed more honestly:
To: Myself
Cc: Everybody I’m Trying to Impress
Bcc: Whoever I’m Ostensibly Talking To
Subject: Blah blah blah blah nobody cares
Dear Sir,
I am sitting in the smallest room of my house.
I have your letter before me.
Shortly, it shall be behind me.
Sincerely,
C. Plant, esq.
Hey! What’s the matter with “V”? Or “W”? It’s doubly opened after all.
A short list of things people need to stop doing:
Writing open letters
Deflating balls
Making distasteful jokes
Buying Outdoor LED lights
Commenting on Game of Thrones (book)
Commenting on Game of Thrones (TV show)
Shooting people
Using the word “thug”
Using the word “cisgender”
Using the word “heteronormative”
Using the word “antidisestablishmentarianism”
Being racist
Being Homophobic
Being sexist
Doing all the raping
Voting Republican
Voting Democrat
Voting Independent
Causing Global Warming
Vaccinating Children
Making lists
Being a troll
Feeding a troll
Masturbating like a mtherfck
and
Doing things (generally)
There go ALL of my hobbies!
You can still do some of the raping.
East Cheam starts just east of where you live, East Sutton also ends there 
I see nothink!