# An open letter to the public about my noisy kids **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940 "2013-10-22T16:31:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/101 "2013-10-24T17:14:31Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > You have failed to explain why children are an extra special nuisance in stores. How is their presence more of a bother than the hordes of doddering, confused senior citizens clogging up the aisle on the 3rd of each month? Or the chatty Cathys who stop to gossip in front of the very item you would like to shop for? Or the giant, noisy scooters that a buggy can’t fit past? I don’t know how in the world some of you people manage to run errands if the mere presence of kids is such an insurmountable burden. The only explanation for your complete lack of empathy is that a few of you managed to skip infancy and childhood and emerge as fully formed adults. > > But yeah, shoot yourself now if you don’t wish to be cared for by people who will patiently assist you when you are helpless, confused, and even more ornery. Or the people who do half their shopping while they’re checking out? Or the elderly men who think it’s funny to snatch money away from the cashier as s/he’s reaching for it? (I once saw security get called on a man who wouldn’t stop doing this.) ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/102 "2013-10-24T18:24:53Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Oh, make no mistake. Those people are annoying PITAs too, and I’m sure you can dig up posts and threads where Dopers bitch about that kind of behavior as well. It’s not an either/or thing here. There’s plenty of annoynaces, and plenty of bitching, to go around! > (Forgive my ignorance, but, uh, what’s so special about the 3rd of each month … ? 😕 ) Meek, nobody seriously proposes that it’s rude to take grandma shopping, or that the disabled should be more considerate and stay home. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/103 "2013-10-24T18:58:55Z")
Fine then, I guess it’s up to me. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/104 "2013-10-24T19:14:42Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > It would be much easier, and lazier, for me to leave the kids at home with my husband and do my shopping without distraction. I take them with me deliberately because it’s an opportunity for them to learn and interact with others. As I said earlier, if it’s inconvenient for a cranky stranger to step around the toddlers, too bad. You already know how to navigate a crowd, they do not. You have the choice of shopping at more expensive less family oriented stores. I do not. You have a choice of shopping during hours in which kids are more likely to be home in bed, I do not. And I am very invested in their learning and future habits. Yours are none of my affair. You sound as if you are mostly engaged and present when you’re out with the kids. Therefore, you’re NOT one of the lazy clueless parents some of us are complaining about. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/105 "2013-10-24T19:41:07Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > You sound as if you are mostly engaged and present when you’re out with the kids. Therefore, you’re NOT one of the lazy clueless parents some of us are complaining about. I’m stupidly grateful for this. I’ve planted the littles in front of Sesame Street because I need a break after a trip to the grocery store and Walmart, and this grown up world is a nice diversion when I can sneak in a glance. I’m one of those people who has a habit of saying “I’m sorry” even when mistakes aren’t my fault. I hate getting in anyone’s way and I’d rather do just about anything than take a stand, but about this one I’m certain. If I want these kids to be considerate adults, I have to start teaching them now so it’s rote to respect others and place most needs above their own. This is especially prudent in light of the negative feedback from those people who think their space and time is somehow more important. Learning to pick your battles and give way to avoid unnecessary conflict is a life skill equal to standing up for what you believe. Thanks, **CanvasShoes**. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/106 "2013-10-24T20:28:52Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > I’m stupidly grateful for this. I’ve planted the littles in front of Sesame Street because I need a break after a trip to the grocery store and Walmart, and this grown up world is a nice diversion when I can sneak in a glance. > > I’m one of those people who has a habit of saying “I’m sorry” even when mistakes aren’t my fault. I hate getting in anyone’s way and I’d rather do just about anything than take a stand, but about this one I’m certain. If I want these kids to be considerate adults, I have to start teaching them now so it’s rote to respect others and place most needs above their own. This is especially prudent in light of the negative feedback from those people who think their space and time is somehow more important. Learning to pick your battles and give way to avoid unnecessary conflict is a life skill equal to standing up for what you believe. Thanks, **CanvasShoes**. Awwwww! Well, if it helps…it’s unfortunate the the few bad apples spoil the whole bunch. The truth is probably that most (normal human) parents, are fairly decent at it if they’re giving it any energy at all. Sadly the bad ones make those of us who have ears absolutely cringe any time we hear any kid noise at all. We’re bracing ourselves for the onslaught of 20 minutes of "I WANT COCO PUFFSI WANT COCO PUFFSI WANT COCO PUFFS…SCRRREEEEEEDEEECHHHH, I WANT COCO PUFFS!!!I WANT COCO PUFFS…SCRRREEEEEEDEEECHHHH, I WANT COCO PUFFS!!!I WANT COCO PUFFS…SCRRREEEEEEDEEECHHHH, .SCRRREEEEEEDEEECHHHH,.SCRRREEEEEEDEEECHHHH,I WANT COCO PUFFS!!!, " while we attempt to do our own shopping. I’m kind of evil though. I would (and have) buy the coco puffs in the store and then put them in some hidden spot once arriving home, and make it clear that the fact that they’re not coming out any time soon is a direct result of the temper tantrum. My daughter (mom of my 7 year old granddaughter) was just laughing about this the other day. I absolutely HATED spankings, so I’d do what my daughter calls “Mommy Mind Ninja”. I think it took once for her of actually leaving the grocery store without buying anything, coming home and having some godawful dinner (oatmeal, or maybe peanut butter, she hates oatmeal) and being told “sorry, I was going to make fried chicken, but you didn’t want to behave long enough for me to get it”. My son was a little more thick headed, I think he had to go a number of times before “bad behaviour = lack of yummy dinner” sunk in. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/107 "2013-10-24T21:53:50Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > So it’s ok if other parents give you advice - albeit wrong - because they’ve “been there” but someone else who has not been a parent could never understand? > > What’s the difference between saying “do X for Y because it always works for my son” versus “do X for Y because it always works for my niece”? > > If you don’t like advice from anyone because there’s no “umbrella answer” then ok. But if it’s just non-parent advice you don’t like, you’re just back to being in some sort of club. Posting from phone, sorry about not trimming down the quote more. Yes, it’s the “always works” part of the advice that becomes annoying. Or anything suggesting that there’s a simple or easy solution to all parenting problems. (“Just show them you mean what you say. It worked for my parents”, e.g.) Advice like that isn’t the SOLE province of nonparents but it’s a lot more likely to come from them, in my experience. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/108 "2013-10-25T00:31:51Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Posting from phone, sorry about not trimming down the quote more. > > Yes, it’s the “always works” part of the advice that becomes annoying. Or anything suggesting that there’s a simple or easy solution to all parenting problems. (“Just show them you mean what you say. It worked for my parents”, e.g.) > > Advice like that isn’t the SOLE province of nonparents but it’s a lot more likely to come from them, in my experience. And the reason for that is, IMO, because they haven’t had the experience of getting parenting advice that doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/109 "2013-10-25T13:27:58Z")
_Open Post-it Note to the parents of the toddler in the seat behind me who screeched and wailed over most of the five-hour duration of yesterday’s flight:_ Thank you for those couple of times when you made a brief, halfhearted effort to shush the li’l pterodactyl. I heard your precious gift’s drum-bursting shrieks echoing through the airport while we were still at the gate, and (as the laws of such things go) knew immediately that I would be seated either near your family or near the consumptive doggedly hacking his lungs up onto his Cinnabon. Sorry Doc Holliday, but you lost this round to a three-year-old Nazgûl impersonator. Maybe catch you on the return flight, if you’ve still got one unbarfed lung? Love Always, **Turnip** ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/110 "2013-10-25T16:15:25Z")
This wouldn’t have been a problem if you flew after midnight, when screeching pterodactylettes are in bed. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/111 "2013-10-25T19:10:53Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > _Open Post-it Note to the parents of the toddler in the seat behind me who screeched and wailed over most of the five-hour duration of yesterday’s flight:_ I thought the boards were strangely lacking in snappy one-liners yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/112 "2013-10-25T19:57:38Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > (Forgive my ignorance, but, uh, what’s so special about the 3rd of each month … ? 😕 ) I’m assuming she’s referring to when Social Security checks/debits come out. > [@CLee](#): > > You have a choice of shopping during hours in which kids are more likely to be home in bed, I do not. I don’t get this one, why can’t you shop when the kids are home in bed? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/113 "2013-10-25T20:15:16Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I don’t get this one, why can’t you shop when the kids are home in bed? Because she is not the one with the problem. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/114 "2013-10-25T20:15:25Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > I’m assuming she’s referring to when Social Security checks/debits come out. > > I don’t get this one, why can’t you shop when the kids are home in bed? I keep the same hours as the kids, and I need sleep, too. They wake at daylight, so I have to wake at daylight. Not a parent, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/115 "2013-10-25T21:02:10Z")
Quit acting like an ass, I was just curious. And, apropos of nothing, no I’m not a parent. I work part-time at a grocery store and constantly see reasons I would not want to be a parent. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/116 "2013-10-25T21:04:17Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Quit acting like an ass, I was just curious. > > And, apropos of nothing, no I’m not a parent. I work part-time at a grocery store and see constantly see reasons I would not want to be a parent. I’m a parent who spends part of my time at grocery stores, and constantly see reasons I would not want to work part-time at a grocery store. We should probably just keep our own lives and not trade, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/117 "2013-10-25T21:10:15Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Quit acting like an ass, I was just curious. > > And, apropos of nothing, no I’m not a parent. I work part-time at a grocery store and constantly see reasons I would not want to be a parent. You’ll be amazed at the instinctive shift in priorities when it’s your turn. And if doesn’t happen, that’s cool, too, just remember that not everyone shares your priorities or POV. There’s enough room for all of us. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/118 "2013-10-25T21:21:29Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Quit acting like an ass, I was just curious. > > And, apropos of nothing, no I’m not a parent. I work part-time at a grocery store and constantly see reasons I would not want to be a parent. > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I’m a parent who spends part of my time at grocery stores, and constantly see reasons I would not want to work part-time at a grocery store. We should probably just keep our own lives and not trade, I guess. You know what, you’re right that part was stupid and I apologize. I do see some very well behaved kids while working. It’s just not my cup of tea. I can barely take care of myself. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/119 "2013-10-25T21:25:55Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > You know what, you’re right that part was stupid and I apologize. I do see some very well behaved kids while working. It’s just not my cup of tea. I can barely take care of myself. 🙂 That’s the thing, though. You will, when it’s your turn. I was purposefully childfree until my late 30s and had a pretty low tolerance for free range kids. Until I had some, and realized that at least some parents were teaching their kids how to fit into society and be decent people. And when you run into wild kids who aren’t being taught how to behave, remember it isn’t their fault. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940/120 "2013-10-25T21:27:48Z")
I’m 46 and single so the odds of it ever being my turn are diminishing by the day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-the-public-about-my-noisy-kids/671940.md?page=7)