# An Open Letter To Vlasic **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2007, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557 "2007-04-25T05:33:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2007, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/1 "2007-04-25T05:33:37Z")
Screw you. 2 out of the last 4 times I’ve bought your tasty sweet pickles I’ve mistakenly purchased the vile tasting “No Sugar Added” version. You package them in identical jars with identical labels save the subtle grey script labeling them as inedible, er… no sugar added. Please rectify this situation immediately or I will be forced to avoid your product for my own safety and sanity. The substandard Mt Olive brand will have to suffice. [sub]Yup, mundane indeed.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2007, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/2 "2007-04-25T07:20:24Z")
They pissed me off when they quit selling those ginormous Stackers, where you only got like 5 to the jar, but they _easily_ covered the entire top of your burger. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/3 "2007-04-26T00:13:46Z")
It’s people like you that encourage restaurants to soil every plate with a bloody dill spear with callous disregard for the innocent fries which leech in that gag-inducing dill juice. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/4 "2007-04-26T00:32:56Z")
Your problem is that you are buying _gag_ sweet pickles. Pickles of Satan, those are. Though I agree with you, **Omnicient** – I don’t like even dills under those circumstances either. Sweet pickles. Bleah. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/5 "2007-04-26T02:25:28Z")
[QUOTE=Omniscient] It’s people like you that encourage restaurants to soil every plate with a bloody dill spear with callous disregard for the innocent fries which leech in that gag-inducing dill juice. [/QUOTE] Sing it man! Gah! has there ever been a palatable sweet pickle? I think not. I wouldn’t even no what “no sugar added” might do to the flavor, I can only imagine it would improve it. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/6 "2007-04-26T02:30:15Z")
Sweet pickles…yum! All you dill lovers can take your koshers and…well, eat them. Preferably somewhere away from me. I’d rather munch on a nice gherkin, or nosh on some Bread and Butter chips. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/7 "2007-04-26T02:48:32Z")
[QUOTE=Omniscient] substandard Mt Olive brand [/QUOTE] 😕 What’s substandard about it? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/8 "2007-04-26T03:04:39Z")
[QUOTE=whiterabbit] Your problem is that you are buying _gag_ sweet pickles. Pickles of Satan, those are. Though I agree with you, **Omnicient** – I don’t like even dills under those circumstances either. Sweet pickles. Bleah. [/QUOTE] I agree with you. I am a very adventurous eater and sweet pickles combine flavors that do not go together. I believe that the people that like them have something like a taste color blindness. Maybe Vlasic feels guilty about that and is trying to piss people off well enough so that they can stop making them. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/9 "2007-04-26T03:34:53Z")
[QUOTE=Omniscient] It’s people like you that encourage restaurants to soil every plate with a bloody dill spear with callous disregard for the innocent fries which leech in that gag-inducing dill juice. [/QUOTE] You, sir, are to the culinary world what [Time Cube](http://timecube.com/) is to the scientific. Pickled cucumbers in _any_ form are near divine. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/10 "2007-04-26T03:51:58Z")
I bought a jar of my favorite uncooked kosher dills today and somehow the lid popped loose on the way home, leaking pickle juice all over my back seat and a couple library books :(. I called the pickle people and they’re sending me a coupon for a new jar, but they “advise me not to consume them” and I wanted pickles tonight, damnit! They’re probably okay… right? ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/11 "2007-04-26T03:58:02Z")
Sure, it’s not like the library books contaminated them, eh? ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/12 "2007-04-26T04:36:47Z")
I feel bad about the books, even though it’s not really my fault. I wouldn’t mind paying to replace them though; at least I’d be giving money to the library and I get to keep a couple really neat (albeit pickle-scented) books to boot. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/13 "2007-04-26T04:49:29Z")
[QUOTE=Jeep’s Phoenix] 😕 What’s substandard about it? [/QUOTE] The flavor of course! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/14 "2007-04-26T13:34:14Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] They pissed me off when they quit selling those ginormous Stackers, where you only got like 5 to the jar, but they _easily_ covered the entire top of your burger. [/QUOTE] But ask yourself, Sir, what is a five inch pickle made from, spaghetti squash? Sweet pickles forever! ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/15 "2007-04-26T13:51:56Z")
[QUOTE=NajaNivea] I bought a jar of my favorite uncooked kosher dills today and somehow the lid popped loose on the way home, leaking pickle juice all over my back seat and a couple library books :(. I called the pickle people and they’re sending me a coupon for a new jar, but they “advise me not to consume them” and I wanted pickles tonight, damnit! They’re probably okay… right? [/QUOTE] Did the pickles come out of the jar? If not, you’re fine to eat 'em, IMO. Then again, I grew up on pickles that were made with the leftover brine from the store-bought pickles. Mmmmmmm, nothing like a half-pickle. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/16 "2007-04-26T14:14:58Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] But ask yourself, Sir, what is a five inch pickle made from, spaghetti squash? [/QUOTE] They’re made from awesome, that’s what they’re made from. In a pinch you can use the long sandwich pickles on your burger, but they hang weirdly out of the burger. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/17 "2007-04-26T14:15:19Z")
I love a Vlasic pickle. I’m fixin’ to make Rouladin (prolly Saturday) and they are a key ingredient in the Germanosity that is the Rouladin. I so rock. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/18 "2007-04-26T14:32:18Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] They’re made from awesome, that’s what they’re made from. [/QUOTE] Seriously, what do they do to a cucumber to make it that large, Miracle Grow ™, cosmic rays, sex hormones? If I may plagiarize a username, Come to the Dark Side, we have [Watermelon pickles.](http://www.cottonhillsfarm.com/100_2586.JPG) . ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/19 "2007-04-26T14:39:12Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Seriously, what do they do to a cucumber to make it that large, Miracle Grow ™, cosmic rays, sex hormones? [/QUOTE] I don’t know. I wondered that myself. I hoped it was just freaky naturally giant cucumbers and not freaky altered ones. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/20 "2007-04-26T15:20:11Z")
[QUOTE=Telperien] I don’t know. I wondered that myself. I hoped it was just freaky naturally giant cucumbers and not freaky altered ones. [/QUOTE] I assumed the were injection molded from a mixture pureed cucumber and yak semen. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557.md?page=2)