# An Open Letter To Vlasic **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 25, 2007, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557 "2007-04-25T05:33:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/41 "2007-05-13T23:40:04Z")
[QUOTE=samclem] Why does it have to be one or the other? [/QUOTE] I put both in my tuna salad. It must be our little secret. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/42 "2007-05-13T23:42:35Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Come to the Dark Side. We have Sweet Pickles. [/QUOTE] No! There is no dark side! Only sweet pickle, as far as the eye can see. You know, I think sweet pickles are all created by the Umbrella Corporation… …you sweet-pickelites are all going to end up brain-munching zombies! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/43 "2007-05-13T23:44:30Z")
[QUOTE=samclem] What do you suggest for a person(me) who loves, loves I say, dill pickles(and Vlasic are the best). But… I love sweet gherkins, sweet pickle relish, sweet chips, et. And so does kateclem. Why does it have to be one or the other? [/QUOTE] You and **carni-plant** …fence-sitters! Pick one, we’re at war! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2007, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/44 "2007-05-13T23:52:28Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] Pick one, we’re at war! [/QUOTE] Come, Sir. The newly formed cucumber doesn’t know what kind of pickle he will become. You would blame the son for the sins of the father? No, wait, a pickle in the hand is worth two cucumbers on the bush…no, no, you have made your pickle, you must lie on it…dammit. Can I get back to you on this? ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/45 "2007-05-14T00:03:57Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Come, Sir. The newly formed cucumber doesn’t know what kind of pickle he will become. You would blame the son for the sins of the father? No, wait, a pickle in the hand is worth two cucumbers on the bush…no, no, you have made your pickle, you must lie on it…dammit. Can I get back to you on this? [/QUOTE] No, but we can’t sweet-pickle the son for the sins of the father. No father wants to see his son sweet-pickled. THE DILLING WILL COMMENCE! ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2007, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/46 "2007-05-14T01:13:46Z")
[QUOTE=NajaNivea] I bought a jar of my favorite uncooked kosher dills today and somehow the lid popped loose on the way home, leaking pickle juice all over my back seat and a couple library books :(. I called the pickle people and they’re sending me a coupon for a new jar, but they “advise me not to consume them” and I wanted pickles tonight, damnit! They’re probably okay… right? [/QUOTE] I wouldn’t hazard it. Tops of jars shouldn’t be able to pop off spontaneously; the vacuum-packing should help to keep them tight. It may be that they were opened before by someone else and started to spoil in the store. Something’s just not right about a jar top coming off on its own. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/47 "2007-05-19T00:42:12Z")
[QUOTE=whiterabbit] Kool-Aid **pickles** …? No, they do not exist, I did not read that. The whole idea is far too disgusting to be real. Somebody’s screwing with our heads…right? Please? I mean, regular sweet pickles are bad enough…ewwwwwww! [/QUOTE] I’m making a batch right now. Would you like me to send you some when they’re ready? ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/48 "2007-05-19T02:47:50Z")
Just give me the recipe. I have no choice but to try this. No choice at all. ---
**Author:** ![shamrock227](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@shamrock227](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shamrock227)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/49 "2007-05-19T03:31:42Z")
Sweet pickles are the work of the devil (as is sweet tea). It’s a terrible thing to do to a poor, innocent cucumber. Half Sours are the one true pickle. Bright green, crunchy, dilly but not _too_ dilly, nice and garlicy. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/50 "2007-05-19T04:37:39Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Tremble before the fearsome [Kool-Aid pickle!](http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/kool-aid-pickles-are-new-taste-sensation/20070509114409990001) [/QUOTE] _“The pickles have been spotted as far afield as Dallas **and St. Louis** …”_ Hmmm… My little nephew loves pickles, but would my SiL ever forgive me… _ponders_ ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/51 "2007-05-19T04:53:44Z")
Oh sure, gloss over the pickled okra! The ruler of the pickle world! Let’s see, sweet pickle relish for hot dogs and tuna salad. Dill pickles far away from french fries or any type of bread. Pickled Okra, by the jar baby! Interestingly, my daughter who is 20 months old, really, really likes dill pickles. She eats all the soggy parts and beats the dog with the hard floppy part. She won’t touch mac & cheese, but will snatch the jar of pickles from the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/52 "2007-05-19T18:42:39Z")
[QUOTE=Christopher] Just give me the recipe. I have no choice but to try this. No choice at all. [/QUOTE] I basically just took a package of Kool-Aid, dumped it in a slightly larger container than what the pickles were in, poured in the amount of sugar called for on the package (to make the drink, not pickles) and then dumped dill pickles and brine all into the container and shook it up. I’m improvising off the description of the linked article, so I’ve no idea if I’ve got the mixture exactly right, but I should find out in about a week or so. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/53 "2007-05-19T19:01:28Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] I’ve no idea if I’ve got the mixture exactly right, but I should find out in about a week or so. [/QUOTE] Even if we _could_ put Dopers in the Celebrity Death Pool, it’s too late… ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/54 "2007-05-19T19:04:59Z")
[Posting while munching a Vlasic pickle] I thought the OP was going to complain about Vlasic being consistently the kind of jars that one needs a gorilla grip to open. (Fought for 1/2 an hour to open this one, but I prevailed with the pressure from a door, I will not be denied!) What do they use to seal those things? Do they use that guy who closes and twists the Tropicana Twisters juice bottles? [http://www.packagingdigest.com/articles/200204/34.php](http://www.packagingdigest.com/articles/200204/34.php) Oh well, back to the weird pickles. [munch… munch… munch…] ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/55 "2007-05-19T19:11:18Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Even if we _could_ put Dopers in the Celebrity Death Pool, it’s too late… [/QUOTE] Wimp! Wimp, I say! It’s not like I was suggesting that you try deep fried crickets with melted butter, or baked wolf nipples. Show your palate an adventure! ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/56 "2007-05-19T22:20:56Z")
Oh yeah, I have a confession to make. I was looking in the fridge for something to eat, and I couldn’t help but staring at the batch of Kool Aid pickles I have cooking up, and I gave into temptation and sampled one. _OMG! OMG! OMG!_ The _flavor_ is **incredible**! I just _cannot_ describe how scrumpdillyicious they _are!_ Utterly mindblowing! I wolfed down three of them in seconds! There’s _such_ an amazing mix of flavors bursting in your mouth all at once, that it’s impossible to describe the yumminess that these things are! I’m hoping that I can hold off long enough for the batch to mature, and I have to confess that I’m sorely tempted to just convert the bathtub in my spare bathroom over to making these things! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2007, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/57 "2007-05-19T23:04:39Z")
[QUOTE=Tuckerfan] Wimp! Wimp, I say! [/QUOTE] Well, no, it’s just that, G-d forbid, there may be some poisonous combination with these things. I’m glad to see it’s only hallucinogenic. Might whip some up myself. With _sweet_ pickles, of course. ---
**Author:** ![pherorama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b19c9b/32.png) [@pherorama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pherorama)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2007, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/58 "2007-05-20T00:25:53Z")
I can tell the SDMB is going to be a bad influence on me. After reading this thread, I went out and bought the ingredients, and made some kool-aid pickles. I just hope I don’t forget they’re in there after a week’s up. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2007, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/59 "2007-05-20T04:51:46Z")
Yanno, looking at the Kool-Aid pickles mentioned in this thread, I have had a horrible, wonderful thought: If one were to wrap the pickles with plastic wrap, and used a little twine to back up the plastic wrap, could one make **Tie-Dyed** Kool-Aid pickles? ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_C](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Captain\_C](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_C)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2007, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557/60 "2007-05-20T05:03:11Z")
I now have a jar of slowly-reddening pickles floating in my fridge. I hope you people are proud of yourselves. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-letter-to-vlasic/401557.md?page=4)