# An open plea to SUV drivers in my town. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 6, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965 "2003-06-06T00:13:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![zebraplooker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@zebraplooker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zebraplooker)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/1 "2003-06-06T00:13:59Z")
Fuck that, it’s not a plea, it’s a demand. I live in a small town in southwestern Connecticut. Most of the town roads are narrow and windy. So here is my plea: If you can’t keep your gas-guzzling, over-sized, piggy, passenger car crushing, sloppy, clumsy, sight-blocking, terrorist funding, super-polluting “sport” utility vehicle on your side of the road in the blind corners, then SLOW THE FUCK DOWN you useless pieces of human fecal matter. Next time I dent my front-end swerving out of your “way” will be the day I mount a machine gun on my dashboard. Thank you. P.S. Do the planet a favor and kill yourself immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Ego\_Mk2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Ego\_Mk2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ego_Mk2)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/2 "2003-06-06T00:19:05Z")
Ya, all you SUV people should go live in huts in the Sahara for a year. I’m not joking. Do y’all think turn signals are optional equipment? “4 wheel drive” does not mean “immune to physics” ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/3 "2003-06-06T00:40:25Z")
Hmm… No. We like terrorizing you. There’s actually a little game we play with points and everything. It’s fun. And we communicate with each other through the secret satellite feeds in our glove compartments. “Bzz…Pop. Force Festiva now approaching route 7 in Falls Church, VA! Charlie! You’ve got an Expedition…think you can bank him off the grocery store?” “10-4 Good buddy! Watch me work!” ---
**Author:** ![zebraplooker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@zebraplooker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zebraplooker)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/4 "2003-06-06T00:54:52Z")
I like to drive fast sometimes. It cracks me up when some suv moron “chases” me. God knows why these idiots think their soccer mom trucks are fast. I laugh looking in the rear view mirror. I’m hoping someday to see one of those fools flip over in the curves. That would make my day. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/5 "2003-06-06T00:56:36Z")
“Terrorist funding?” Please tell me your car runs on pure hydrogen, or that you ride a bike every day. ---
**Author:** ![zebraplooker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@zebraplooker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zebraplooker)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/6 "2003-06-06T01:04:01Z")
No, but my Honda gets 30/mpg on the highway. The fat slobs in the FUV’s are increasing our dependence on foreign oil. You do the math and the terrorist funding implications. ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/7 "2003-06-06T01:29:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zebraplooker \* > **Fuck that, it’s not a plea, it’s a demand.** > > Demand eh? Who do you think you are? > \*\* > I live in a small town in southwestern Connecticut. Most of the town roads are narrow and windy. So here is my plea:\*\* > > Wasn’t it a demand? > \*\* > If you can’t keep your gas-guzzling, over-sized, piggy, passenger car crushing, sloppy, clumsy, sight-blocking, terrorist funding, super-polluting “sport” utility vehicle on your side of the road in the blind corners, then SLOW THE FUCK DOWN you useless pieces of human fecal matter. \*\* > > One, my relatives drive a Ford Excursion and use it to transport materials or to carry 3+ passengers, it gets 15 miles per gallon and meets californian emission standards. Two, if you’re so paranoid about getting crushed, maybe you really DO need a dash-board-mounted machine gun. Three, excursion is actually very easy to drive and has good handling. Four, it you can’t see around it, you’re tailgaiting. Five, eating raisins contributes more to terrorism then driving to the 7-11. Six, even though an SUV gets half the gas mileage, it can transport 2-3 times the people/supplies. It doesn’t make a difference how MUCH gas you use, you’re still responsible. > \*\* > Next time I dent my front-end swerving out of your “way” will be the day I mount a machine gun on my dashboard. > \*\* > No problems there, asshat drivers are asshat drivers. > > \*\* > Thank you. > \*\* > > You’re welcome > \*\* > P.S. Do the planet a favor and kill yourself immediately. > \*\* > > Seeing as how you’ve no idea the individual needs of SUV owners and lifestyles, you can just go fuck yourself. > > For all you know an SUV owner was hauling supplies to set up a solar panel display or wind plant in order to lessen power production of coal. Take your self righteous honda and shove it up your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/8 "2003-06-06T01:30:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zebraplooker \* > \*\*No, but my Honda gets 30/mpg on the highway. > > The fat slobs in the FUV’s are increasing our dependence on foreign oil. You do the math and the terrorist funding implications. \*\* Until you start driving a car powered on fuel cells charged by solar or wind energy, shut the fuck up. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/9 "2003-06-06T01:57:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zebraplooker \* > \*\*The fat slobs in the FUV’s are increasing our dependence on foreign oil. You do the math and the terrorist funding implications. \*\* i have an SUV, but take the electric train to work. So suck it, beautiful\*! \*–ugly stupid whore ---
**Author:** ![zebraplooker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@zebraplooker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zebraplooker)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/10 "2003-06-06T02:28:01Z")
Ha,ha,ha. Upset the Fat-asses apparently. The Excursion meets California emissions standards…for a truck. Don’t tell me FUV owners “need” those pathetic sloppy trucks. Maybe 5 percent have a realistic need. The rest are just too stupid not to try to keep up witht the neighbors. You are still burning more gas than a passenger car. You are still polluting more than a passenger car. You are still consuming more than your fair share of a non-replenishable natural resource. Hey, when you tip over: I’ll come piss in your mouth if your are thirsty. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/11 "2003-06-06T02:45:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zebraplooker \* > Fuck that, it’s not a plea, it’s a demand. Incorrect. As I am the larger vehicle (when I drive my parents’ big-ass suburban, which I think is even bigger than an SUV), you do what I say or I drive not around you, not past you, but **through** you. Do Not Taunt Happy Fun SUV. > [@](#): > > I live in a small town in southwestern Connecticut. Most of the town roads are narrow and windy. So here is my plea: So I trust you know all about following distance and driving more slowly in the dark and things like that. > [@](#): > > If you can’t keep your gas-guzzling, over-sized, piggy, passenger car crushing, sloppy, clumsy, sight-blocking, terrorist funding, super-polluting “sport” utility vehicle on your side of the road in the blind corners, then SLOW THE FUCK DOWN you useless pieces of human fecal matter. Gas-guzzling has little, if anything, to do with windy roads. And what is an oversized behicle to you may not be to someone who has lots to transport (such as four children and their camping gear). But you’re damn right about the passenger car crushing. You know that whole JD Power&Associates ranking system? There’s a different one for SUVs. They put us on a course with lots of smaller cars (and a few bigger, just to make things fair). The SUV’s rating is dependent on how many cars it can cause at least $3K worth of damage to in one minute. > [@](#): > > Next time I dent my front-end swerving out of your “way” will be the day I mount a machine gun on my dashboard. If the road is too small for an SUV, that is a problem with the road, not the SUV. If a driver is driving badly, that’s driver error, not a vehicle that’s too big. And the machine gun will only work if you can aim it as you’re being driven **through** by my behemoth. Are you sure you don’t just have SUV envy? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/12 "2003-06-06T02:48:38Z")
Oh, almost forgot… _Are you new here, Are you new here? Father John? Father John?_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/13 "2003-06-06T03:01:42Z")
SCORE!!! 😃 I wonder what the OP does in response to aggressive tractor trailers or car shows featuring Ford Edzels. ---
**Author:** ![Ace\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/858c86/32.png) [@Ace\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace_Face)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/14 "2003-06-06T03:09:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > > Are you sure you don’t just have SUV envy? \*\* Yeah, _everyone_ wants a bloated station wagon that handles like a tractor. What…fun. [yawn] ---
**Author:** ![zebraplooker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/d6d6ee/32.png) [@zebraplooker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zebraplooker)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/15 "2003-06-06T03:11:33Z")
_Yawn_ So I don’t have nearly 10,000 post here iampunha. That means…I have a life? Hey, if you keep your mommy truck on your side of the road, then go in peace. FUV envy? You can’t be serious. My S2000 costs more than most of those silly trucks. I like to drive, not just steer. Oh, and the silly boy driving the Suburban that forced me off the road? He is paying for my repairs. And I think my neck hurts too. Hmmm. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/16 "2003-06-06T03:36:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zebraplooker \* > So I don’t have nearly 10,000 post here iampunha. That means…I have a life? Oh, you don’t even have to worry about hitting 50, little one:) ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/an-open-plea-to-suv-drivers-in-my-town/179965/17 "2003-06-06T03:44:59Z")
Thank you, that’s quite enough. your humble TubaDiva Administrator