# Anaamika? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 21, 2016, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530 "2016-09-21T20:18:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/41 "2016-09-23T13:35:10Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Please, do tell the woman how she doesn’t \*really \*know what she wants, only thinks she does. B/c we don’t get that message drilled into our heads nearly enough. The misogynistic responses need to stop, but so do overreactions like this. I’m a woman who is routinely second-guessed, but I saw no such offense in **Richard Pearse** ’s comment. Leaving the board and then deciding to come back can \*both \*be what someone truly wants. Go out of your way to be offended and you’ll find that everyone is offensive… ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/42 "2016-09-23T14:07:12Z")
It doesn’t have to be over the top. It doesn’t have to be a majority. It can just be the incessant drip drip drip that reminds you that you are a second-class member of this society. And the constant reminder that this board is relatively more enlightened than society at large can be disheartening. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/43 "2016-09-23T14:15:45Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > There are a lot of good guys on the Dope, but if we don’t start policing our own misogynistic assholes and calling out the rampant condescending patronizing behavior towards women, the rest of us will go where Anaamika and Diosa (as well as a ton of others) have gone. Well, if that’s to Facebook, it will be an exercise in permanent frustration as most FB’ers probably can’t read any of them long words. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/44 "2016-09-23T14:21:01Z")
I’ve always been confused by the “if you can’t stand the heat” logic. The first line in the registration agreement is “don’t be a jerk.” Seems to me that is a poor defense when the rule is “don’t be a jerk.” In sixteen years we have made progress. We’ve realized that cunt is not a nice word. We’ve pretty much stopped the “show me your boobies” posts anytime a woman talks about bras (breastfeeding and even mammograms and once, as I recall, breast cancer - perhaps a low point). At the same time, we have fewer of those threads. There are either fewer women, or the women here don’t feel comfortable making themselves a target simply because they want to rant about underwires. (I suspect both). But the online world as a whole hasn’t become a safer place for women - the online world and the real world have slid together. Gamergate and other cases of online harassment of women have made the internet as a whole feel less safe. That this place is anonymous offers some protection - but you could find me in real life if you tried. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/45 "2016-09-23T14:27:03Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Well, if that’s to Facebook, it will be an exercise in permanent frustration as most FB’ers probably can’t read any of them long words. Humm, I have eight PhDs and six MDs on my friends list on Facebook - not bothering with the lawyers and people with master’s degrees - off the top of my head. And I’m VERY selective in my Facebook friends. Most of them handle big words pretty well. Right now I’m engaged in a statistical discussion on the efficacy of chiropractic care and the associated risks. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/46 "2016-09-23T14:35:00Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > I’ve always been confused by the “if you can’t stand the heat” logic. The first line in the registration agreement is “don’t be a jerk.” Seems to me that is a poor defense when the rule is “don’t be a jerk.” > > In sixteen years we have made progress. We’ve realized that cunt is not a nice word. We’ve pretty much stopped the “show me your boobies” posts anytime a woman talks about bras (breastfeeding and even mammograms and once, as I recall, breast cancer - perhaps a low point). At the same time, we have fewer of those threads. There are either fewer women, or the women here don’t feel comfortable making themselves a target simply because they want to rant about underwires. (I suspect both). There’s a big difference between offensive personal interaction, which is what the examples you refer to are and to which the “don’t be a jerk” concept applies, and the expression of opinions that other people dislike, which is what the MRA that people objected to here are doing. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/47 "2016-09-23T14:36:07Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > The misogynistic responses need to stop, but so do overreactions like this. I’m a woman who is routinely second-guessed, but I saw no such offense in **Richard Pearse** ’s comment. Leaving the board and then deciding to come back can \*both \*be what someone truly wants. > > Go out of your way to be offended and you’ll find that everyone is offensive… It’s exactly this kind of sniveling appeal to reason and balance that ruins it for everyone trying to get up a full head of steam. I don’t know how you live with yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/48 "2016-09-23T14:38:48Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > It’s exactly this kind of sniveling appeal to reason and balance that ruins it for everyone trying to get up a full head of steam. I don’t know how you live with yourself. So my opinion is invalid? It’s because I’m a girl, right? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/49 "2016-09-23T14:42:45Z")
> [@](#): > > But the online world as a whole hasn’t become a safer place for women +1 I hadn’t notice Anaamika was gone because I really limit my time here but it’s a loss to the board. > [@](#): > > So someone who can’t deal with MRA here would have to be one of these delicate flower types, who can’t deal with any sort of dissenting opinion even if they have the majority opinion behind them. :dubious: \< bullshit is what I actually want to express here. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/50 "2016-09-23T14:45:35Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > There’s a big difference between offensive personal interaction, which is what the examples you refer to are and to which the “don’t be a jerk” concept applies, and the expression of opinions that other people dislike, which is what the MRA that people objected to here are doing. I believe I’ve been clear that this problem on this board goes beyond the MRA advocates. There are plenty of guys who just behave like jerks when it comes to their interactions with women. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/51 "2016-09-23T14:51:40Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > So my opinion is invalid? It’s because I’m a girl, right? > > 😃 Yes, and because you drive a Datsun. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/52 "2016-09-23T15:03:11Z")
See, I had thought of making a real post in this thread, but I can already see it going down the same path most threads about women go down here. I’ve started taking a hands-off approach to most of these threads because it’s just the same thing every time. No wonder **Anaamika** is taking a (maybe permanent) break. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/53 "2016-09-23T15:08:08Z")
Exactly. It’s getting to the point where we can’t sit around trashing MRA without pesky nuisances bringing in dissenting opinions. We need a safe space here. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/54 "2016-09-23T15:21:48Z")
It is too bad that she left to take a break for those reasons. MRA - wow, I didn’t know there was such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/55 "2016-09-23T15:26:13Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Exactly. > > It’s getting to the point where we can’t sit around trashing MRA without pesky nuisances bringing in dissenting opinions. > > We need a safe space here. This is it. This is the exact thing I was talking about. It happened. You took the thread there. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/56 "2016-09-23T15:42:47Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > This is it. This is the exact thing I was talking about. It happened. You took the thread there. MRA Lives Matter! ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/57 "2016-09-23T15:47:19Z")
> [@Macca26](#): > > This is it. This is the exact thing I was talking about. It happened. You took the thread there. Nonsense. The thread was “brought there” by a couple of other posters, in posts #20 & #21. Some further discussion ensued before my first post (#40). This is an illustration of the exact opposite of your claim. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/58 "2016-09-23T16:01:35Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > We’ve pretty much stopped the “show me your boobies” posts anytime a woman talks about bras (breastfeeding and even mammograms and once, as I recall, breast cancer - perhaps a low point). I’m a guy and those posts annoy me. On the recent thread about cleavage, we get something similar with a particular poster chiming in on something completely irrelevant simply because it’s a thread about breasts. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/59 "2016-09-23T16:06:12Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > Exactly. > > It’s getting to the point where we can’t sit around trashing MRA without pesky nuisances bringing in dissenting opinions. > > We need a safe space here. The problem is not dissenting opinions. The problem is stupid opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2016, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530/60 "2016-09-23T16:07:58Z")
That’s just a self-serving way of saying the same thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anaamika/766530.md?page=4)