# Anal--Guys who Don't and Women who Won't **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 18, 2009, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399 "2009-07-18T01:39:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/101 "2009-07-23T01:55:58Z")
When “carve your own hole” porn is all the rage, the titillation of anal sex will appear positively Victorian. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/102 "2009-07-23T03:38:01Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I’m assuming an enema. I’ve seen a “behind the scenes” of a porn film in Tristan Taromino’s “Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex” - the actress Chloe explained that she took two enemas before a scene - and refrained from eating for 12 hours beforehand. It’s the only way to deal safely with the demand for “ATM”. Make no mistake, these people are professionals. I like anal sex scenes as much as the next guy, but ass to mouth is something I wonder if customers really demand. I could definitely do without ATM. At least it illustrates how clean the girls get back there. ---
**Author:** ![Is\_it\_safe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/6de8d8/32.png) [@Is\_it\_safe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Is_it_safe)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/103 "2009-07-23T05:00:51Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > One thing I’ve always wondered about anal sex - what if the receiver has to, um…well, let’s face it, there’s no polite of way of saying this, so let me just put it out there. What if they really have to take a shit beforehand and are fully loaded, so to speak? Would the giver get shit all over his dick? We’ve never had this happen, not even in the smallest way. And we do it at least once a week. Then again my wife is pretty regular so timing is key. We wouldn’t even attempt if she hadn’t…um…vacated beforehand. And showered (generally together) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/104 "2009-07-23T06:35:27Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > One thing I’ve always wondered about anal sex - what if the receiver has to, um…well, let’s face it, there’s no polite of way of saying this, so let me just put it out there. What if they really have to take a shit beforehand and are fully loaded, so to speak? Would the giver get shit all over his dick? Yeah, that can happen. It’s not exactly common: if you’ve got to drop a load, you’re generally not going to be in the mood for anal anyway. It’s only ever happened to me once. Gross, sure, but not really a big deal. Shit washes off pretty easy. ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/105 "2009-07-23T07:06:37Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > (bolding mine) Um, what does this involve, if I may be so bold? I assume it includes evacuation, but 30 minutes? Ever since The Incident (I really don’t want to go into any detail on this, I think you can draw a picture) I will not have anal sex until I’m (and my partner is) squeeky clean. This takes some time and the use of what looks like a turkey baster. If you want to know more, I suggest you search the internet, this is all I have to say on the matter 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/106 "2009-07-23T07:08:43Z")
> [@joebuck20](#): > > One thing I’ve always wondered about anal sex - what if the receiver has to, um…well, let’s face it, there’s no polite of way of saying this, so let me just put it out there. What if they really have to take a shit beforehand and are fully loaded, so to speak? Would the giver get shit all over his dick? I said that was all I had to say on the matter. I meant it 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/107 "2009-07-23T08:47:34Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > I don’t get this. It’s a deal breaker is she isn’t interested, but you flat out won’t try? What are you afrad of? Is it the idea of pain, is it “real men don’t catch” or is it something else? I think this is a big part of why some women say “I’ll try it if he does”. > > No, being female doesn’t mean that any and all orifaces should automatically be open business, and no, being a straight male doesn’t mean that all forms of penetration are forbidden. I, on the other hand, don’t understand the notion that male and female sexuality are somehow equivalent. Should I also blow a dildo before she blows me? Should she carry me during intercourse, before I do that with her? Should she kiss my nipples, neck and shoulders before I kiss hers? Should I shoot sperm in my own face before I do it on her? In an attempt to answer your questions: I’m not sure. I think it’s a combination of “real men don’t catch” and that I simply find the concept very unappealing. Lets hypothesize that I could magically change my penis into a vagina, with no other changes, and that my gf was willing to put on a strap-on and fuck me. That is not something I would want either. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/108 "2009-07-24T01:02:59Z")
> [@mr.jp](#): > > I, on the other hand, don’t understand the notion that male and female sexuality are somehow equivalent. > > Should I also blow a dildo before she blows me? Should she carry me during intercourse, before I do that with her? Should she kiss my nipples, neck and shoulders before I kiss hers? Should I shoot sperm in my own face before I do it on her? > > In an attempt to answer your questions: I’m not sure. I think it’s a combination of “real men don’t catch” and that I simply find the concept very unappealing. Lets hypothesize that I could magically change my penis into a vagina, with no other changes, and that my gf was willing to put on a strap-on and fuck me. That is not something I would want either. Obviously they are not perfectly equivalent, but the anus seems like one structure that is pretty similar in both sexes (or actually, don’t men have the prostate which is supposed to make it feel better?) I don’t see anything wrong with women insisting on him trying it himself as a precondition, at the same time I don’t see anything wrong with a man absolutely not wanting to. If he wants to give anal and refuses to receive that’s his prerogative. There’s a certain amount of hypocrisy and close-mindedness to that stance, but it’s perfectly within his rights to feel that way. Basically, if he’s not a jerk about it I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to give but not receive. ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/109 "2009-07-24T01:43:58Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > Good lord! What have I wrought? :eek: > > Female, 38. I haven’t had a whole lot of experience with it, but I like it. If a guy wouldn’t do it, that would be a dealbreaker for me. > > “Can I fuck you in the ass?” works. How about “May I fuck you in the ass?” ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/110 "2009-07-24T04:36:18Z")
> [@mr.jp](#): > > I, on the other hand, don’t understand the notion that male and female sexuality are somehow equivalent. > > Should I also blow a dildo before she blows me? Should she carry me during intercourse, before I do that with her? Should she kiss my nipples, neck and shoulders before I kiss hers? Should I shoot sperm in my own face before I do it on her? > > In an attempt to answer your questions: I’m not sure. I think it’s a combination of “real men don’t catch” and that I simply find the concept very unappealing. Lets hypothesize that I could magically change my penis into a vagina, with no other changes, and that my gf was willing to put on a strap-on and fuck me. That is not something I would want either. It’s not your lack of interest that I find puzzling. It’s the idea that YOUR lack of interest is ok, but a lack of interest in anal on the woman’s part would be a deal breaker. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/111 "2009-07-24T06:54:01Z")
I don’t find mr.jp’s attitude very attractive. I think that you should show me you can listen and be a good lover, then maybe i can think about trying anal sex with a new partner. Constant begging for anal is a turnoff, especially when you add in a partner that does not listen to what you want in bed. Anal sex without lube is very awkward and painful, and i found this out the hard way. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/112 "2009-07-24T09:06:17Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > It’s not your lack of interest that I find puzzling. It’s the idea that YOUR lack of interest is ok, but a lack of interest in anal on the woman’s part would be a deal breaker. But why is that idea puzzling? Isn’t it only puzzling if you assume that male and female sexuality are equivalent? For instance, would it be puzzling to you if I liked my partner to wear skirts, but didn’t want to wear skirts myself? ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/113 "2009-07-24T09:12:30Z")
> [@mr.jp](#): > > But why is that idea puzzling? Isn’t it only puzzling if you assume that male and female sexuality are equivalent? For instance, would it be puzzling to you if I liked my partner to wear skirts, but didn’t want to wear skirts myself? Not the same analogy at all. Having anal sex is much more out of the ordinary than wearing a skirt. It is a far more personal preference and comfort than some piece of clothing that a sex is expected to wear. If you are comparing the two, you are really saying that having anal sex is just as socially expected from a woman as wearing a skirt is. I think you’re better of comparing it to sky diving. And then yes: if you want your partner to perform a sky dive, she is very much in her right to expect the same from you first. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/114 "2009-07-24T09:20:44Z")
> [@anya\_marie](#): > > I don’t find mr.jp’s attitude very attractive. I think that you should show me you can listen and be a good lover, then maybe i can think about trying anal sex with a new partner. I’m not following you. Who says I don’t do those things? It’s of course ok if the girl doesn’t want to try anal right off the bat. In that case she has some reservations about it, either from a previous bad experience, or her thoughs about it. In either case I would like to take my time, and get more familiar with her first, to ensure that the experience isn’t bad for her. My issue is with if she keeps refusing to ever try it. That would mean she has a non-diversifying sexual nature, not so compatible with mine. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/115 "2009-07-24T09:21:46Z")
> [@Aghris](#): > > Not the same analogy at all. Having anal sex is much more out of the ordinary than wearing a skirt. It is a far more personal preference and comfort than some piece of clothing that a sex is expected to wear. If you are comparing the two, you are really saying that having anal sex is just as socially expected from a woman as wearing a skirt is. I think you’re better of comparing it to sky diving. And then yes: if you want your partner to perform a sky dive, she is very much in her right to expect the same from you first. All the analogy is saying is that male and female sexualities are not the same. ---
**Author:** ![Aghris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecccb3/32.png) [@Aghris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aghris)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/116 "2009-07-24T09:32:54Z")
> [@mr.jp](#): > > All the analogy is saying is that male and female sexualities are not the same. It is regarding the asshole. And the amount of discomfort, invasiveness, but also pleasure assiciated with it. I assume you tell your girl ‘trust me, it can feel wonderful’. All I can say to you is: ‘trust me, it can feel wonderful, why don’t you try?’ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/117 "2009-07-24T15:24:36Z")
> [@Aghris](#): > > Not the same analogy at all. Having anal sex is much more out of the ordinary than wearing a skirt. It is a far more personal preference and comfort than some piece of clothing that a sex is expected to wear. By the looks of a lot of porn, they’re on about the same level in terms of both comfort and frequency! Seriously, I know porn ≠ reality, but I think most women have come across a few young pups who got their sex ed from porn. God help them if they ever try anal (probably on the first date). Someone will have to explain lube, since I don’t think I’ve ever seen any between edits. And that most women’s assholes are not gaping maws waiting to be stuffed. And the possibility of getting some stink on the hanger. (Can you tell I’ve just watched a particularly silly adult movie?) I’m on board with the whole ‘You first’ theory, if only for discussion with a partner. There does seem to be a big blank in this thread for women and men who like anal play or toys, just not full anal penetration. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/118 "2009-07-24T18:23:35Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > … > I’m on board with the whole ‘You first’ theory, if only for discussion with a partner. There does seem to be a big blank in this thread for women and men who like anal play or toys, just not full anal penetration. Well, for at least one woman, a finger or two is great fun, but my penis is just too much for comfort. That evaluation came from an experience that went like this: “I’ll sit still on the edge of this ottoman, and you back up, only as far as you’re comfortable.” She slowly wiggled back onto me, and when the corona of my glans slipped inside, she decided that was too big. It hurt. I’m not into hurting in sex, so I never went there again. For me, the word “ouch” is an instant turnoff. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/119 "2009-07-24T20:27:44Z")
> [@mr.jp](#): > > My issue is with if she keeps refusing to ever try it. That would mean she has a non-diversifying sexual nature, not so compatible with mine. I’m still ok with you having a preference, we all do, but: You keep making statements like this, but they only seem to apply to your partner. From your own posts in this thread, you are coming off as the one who has a non-diversifying sexual nature. You repeatedly say: I want a partner who will try anal because I want her too. I am not willing to try anal, even if she wants me too. Why the requirement that your partner be willing to experiment, if you aren’t? It’s a bit like saying: I require that my SO try the foods I like (even if they have had bad experiences with it in the past) but there is no way in hell I’m going to try kimchee, even if it is one of their favorite foods. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399/120 "2009-07-26T02:00:04Z")
Male, gay, 33. It wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker, but he’d have to be ok with me having sex with other guys on ocassion. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-guys-who-dont-and-women-who-wont/503399.md?page=7)