# Anal probing..no really **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 15, 2000, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612 "2000-03-15T00:10:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Patricinus\_Scriblerus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Patricinus\_Scriblerus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patricinus_Scriblerus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/1 "2000-03-15T00:10:00Z")
I don’t know if this question has been raised here or not but what REALLY can be learned by anal probing? * * * There are only two things that are infinite…the Universe and Man’s stupidity…I’m not sure about the Universe though. ---
**Author:** ![WillGolfForFood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/82dd89/32.png) [@WillGolfForFood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillGolfForFood)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/2 "2000-03-15T00:38:00Z")
I’m assuming that you’re talking about a sigmoidoscopy or some similar procedure, where they push a rubber tube with a camera on its tip several feet up your rectum… They’re looking for polyps or other (cancerous or pre-cancerous) growths in your colon. If they find any, the next step is usually surgery to remove them. (I’m 52, and my doctor is trying to get me to agree to having it done. Not because of any specific symptoms - just “because it’s time”.) If it’s your boyfriend that’s talking about it, OTOH, it might be a different activity altogether… ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/3 "2000-03-15T00:48:00Z")
I assumed he was asking in the context of alien abductions. Besides going spelunking for polyps, I suppose aliens could learn something about our digestive systems. My guess is that they just a bunch of twisted butt freaks. ---
**Author:** ![Prose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Prose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prose)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/4 "2000-03-15T01:24:00Z")
I don’t want to blab my medical history, but I’ve had one and a colonoscopy, they are good for finding potentially dangerous growths. You get to watch it on a giant tv screen, which might leave a few queasy. Now I wish a friend of mine’s mom had had one, she has colon cancer and probably won’t live very long :((last week they said she had two weeks maybe less), and my friend will be an orphan at 21 years old. ☹ * * * I am a fire whose flames lick and spit at the boundless sky forever desiring wonderous consummation -me ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/5 "2000-03-15T02:07:00Z")
Katy Coric did hers live on national tv a few days ago. Yep, you could see her intestines. ---
**Author:** ![Ursa\_Major](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a88e57/32.png) [@Ursa\_Major](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ursa_Major)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/6 "2000-03-15T02:27:00Z")
I’m suprised nobody has mention the Kids in the Hall shetch where Dave Foley and Kevin McDonald play two anal probing aliens > [@](#): > > Kevin: So what’s bothering you? > > Dave: Ahhhh… Lately I just keep wondering… what’s the point? > > Kevin: The point? > > Dave: Yeah. What’s the point of what we do? > > Kevin: Sorry, I don’t follow you > > Dave: Well, I mean, we travel 250,000 light years across the universe, abduct humans, probe them anally and release them. > > Kevin: Yeah… AND? > > Dave: Well, doesn’t it seem kind of point-LESS? > > Kevin: I really don’t think about it. > > Dave: Well don’t you think you should? > > Kevin: No, I don’t think I should. I don’t think I should question the leadership of our Great Leader > > Dave: Oh, come on! I mean, we’ve been coming here for 50 years and performing anal probes and all that we have learned is that 1 in 10 doesn’t really seem to mind. > > Kevin: Well, do you have a better plan than our Great Leader? > > Dave: Yes I do, I do have a better plan. My plan is that we DON’T travel 250,000 light years, we DON’T abduct any humans and, this is the best part, we DON’T do any anal probing. > > Kevin: [sarcastic] Oh, great plan! Do you realize how many people Intergalactic Anal-Probing employees? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/7 "2000-03-15T08:18:00Z")
With all the Simpsons fans here why has no one mentioned the episode where homer is abducted (again!) by Kodos and Kang HOMER: (pulls down pants, projects butt at aliens) I suppose you’ll want to probe me now. KANG: (recoils) Put your pants back on! We have reached the limits of what we can learn by anal probing * * * Having an open mind means you put out a welcome mat and answer the door politely. It does not mean leaving the door open with a sign saying nobody’s home ---
**Author:** ![pennys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/958977/32.png) [@pennys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pennys)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/8 "2000-03-15T09:50:00Z")
Oh Patricinus, there’s ;ots of things you can find by “anal probing”! Prostate glands bowel cancers, haemorrhoids, anal fissures, inflammatory bowel disease, appendicitis, endometriosis, staging of cervical cancer (PV and PR simultaneously), check for anal sphincter tone in patients with spinal injuries or neurological symptoms… yes, the anus is a fascinating place. As you get more senior, you also get to torture interns and JRMO’s by asking if they’ve done a rectal examination when they ask for advice about a patient. ---
**Author:** ![EnigmaOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EnigmaOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EnigmaOne)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/9 "2000-03-15T11:14:00Z")
Twisted Butt Freaks??? Weren’t they the opening band at a Devo or Talking Heads concert? * * * – **Kalél** _Common ¢ for all ages…_ “Well, there was that thing with the Cheese-Wiz…but I’m feeling **much** better now!” – John Astin, Night Court “If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.” ---
**Author:** ![Patricinus\_Scriblerus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@Patricinus\_Scriblerus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patricinus_Scriblerus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/10 "2000-03-15T23:13:00Z")
Actually I was referring to the “alien abduction” kind of probing. You would think that there are limits to what you can learn and you hit those limits fairly quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2000, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/11 "2000-03-15T23:45:00Z")
If you’re really good, you can also determine if the patient has swollen tonsils. But really have to reach… * * * **Gypsy** : Tom, I don’t get you. **Tom Servo** : Nobody does. I’m the wind, baby. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/12 "2000-03-16T01:32:00Z")
Don’t let them spook you. You can get a home test set for Colon stuff at the drug store. ---
**Author:** ![WillGolfForFood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/82dd89/32.png) [@WillGolfForFood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WillGolfForFood)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/13 "2000-03-16T02:18:00Z")
Handy, there are some things that I just prefer to have someone _else_ do… (Picturing myself with a three-foot-length of rubber hose and a jar of vaseline…) ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2000, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anal-probing-no-really/8612/14 "2000-03-16T02:20:00Z")
Thanks, **Golf**. Now we’re _all_ imagining it. Ew. * * * [Change Your Password, Please](http://204.95.48.199/cgi-bin/ubbcgi/ubbmisc.cgi?action=getannounce&ForumNumber=3&Start=2451545.99&End=2451911&Session=2451598.1854) and don’t use HTML, as it has been disabled, but you can learn about superscripts [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum2/HTML/000795.html)