# And a bitchy New Year - January 2012 minirants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 1, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003 "2012-01-01T02:05:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/41 "2012-01-01T16:54:03Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > Also, Self? Yelling at the guy? Sure, it scared him off, but if he’d been armed, you’d have been screwed. Need better plan next time… MP3 file played loudly through your stereo of a shotgun being racked and a deep-voiced male saying, “Should I try for the left 'nad or the right one, this time, Mabel?” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/42 "2012-01-01T16:58:24Z")
> [@Elza\_B](#): > > SyFy - fucking up my Friday Night Geek Nights since 2005. > > I’d also like to Pit my mother, who calls bright and early at 9 AM Yeah, SyFy has a history of cancelling shows second only to Fox. I am severely disappointed in the drought we are experiencing in actual science fiction shows. But you can’t throw a rock without hitting a ghost hunter show on some network or the other. Christmas Day, my ONE DAY OFF last weekend, my sister called and woke me up. I’d been sleeping solidly and soundly and would very much like to have continued to do so. This morning on going to bed at 1:30am, I suddenly remembered that, jumped up and _turned off the fucking phone_. ---
**Author:** ![Lilacs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/43 "2012-01-01T17:17:15Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > All right, motherfucker! What makes you think that you have the right to come snooping around my house at two o’ fucking clock in the fucking morning?! Do you think that I own anything that’s worth the prison sentence you’ll serve?! I don’t, and I don’t care about any of the material goods in my house, carport, or driveway… but you don’t mess with my family or my peace of mind! I hope you enjoy starting your new year in the confines of the county jail, because from what I could hear of the radio traffic from the responding officer’s car, it sounded like another officer already had you detained for questioning by the time I finished making my report. (Here’s a clue: in a small town like this one, walking/running through a quiet residential neighborhood while dressed all in black at 2 am is apt to get you some second glances from the local constabulary. Especially when the responding officers realize that you scared the daylights out of the pregnant wife of a fellow cop, and that the rest of the neighborhood consists of mostly retirees/someone’s grandparents.) > > Also, Self? Yelling at the guy? Sure, it scared him off, but if he’d been armed, you’d have been screwed. Need better plan next time… What is wrong with people trying to steal stuff on New Year’s Eve? Just party like the rest of the country, you lame ass burglar. Happy New Year, you stupid fucking criminals. Side note, when I had someone try to break into my bedroom via a window, I screamed like I was auditioning for a horror movie. I think I woke all my neighbors and possibly people a few miles away. Scared the shit out of him, too. He ran and burned rubber out of our parking lot while I was on the phone with dispatch. If I hadn’t been so pissed off at him, it would have been funny. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/44 "2012-01-01T18:04:40Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > I know it is common to refer to men as Bastards and Women as Bitches, but the definition of the word is not sexist. > > [Bastard Definition & Meaning | YourDictionary](http://www.yourdictionary.com/bastard) > > Bastard > > A bastard is someone whose parents did not marry or is something that has been changed or is not normal. In slang, a bastard is also someone who people do not like. (noun) You seem to have missed the part about not being allowed to question my mother’s sexual mores. You’re not one of my brothers, are you? You can’t be Middlebro, his English sucks… ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/45 "2012-01-01T18:53:16Z")
> [@Morgyn](#): > > MP3 file played loudly through your stereo of a shotgun being racked and a deep-voiced male saying, “Should I try for the left 'nad or the right one, this time, Mabel?” Nah, if I’m gonna risk someone firing _back_, I’m gonna have a real shotgun in my hand! (And firing from my position last night, to the intruder’s, would’ve done major damage to the neighbors’ house, and possibly the neighbors themselves!) > [@Lilacs](#): > > What is wrong with people trying to steal stuff on New Year’s Eve? Just party like the rest of the country, you lame ass burglar. Happy New Year, you stupid fucking criminals. > > Side note, when I had someone try to break into my bedroom via a window, I screamed like I was auditioning for a horror movie. I think I woke all my neighbors and possibly people a few miles away. Scared the shit out of him, too. He ran and burned rubber out of our parking lot while I was on the phone with dispatch. If I hadn’t been so pissed off at him, it would have been funny. Yep, apparently I scared this dude about as much as he scared me - I was sitting on my (unlit) screened porch, and he was standing in the pool of light provided by the floods on the corner of the carport, so he couldn’t see me at all. Normally, the retired K9 would’ve been out on the porch with me, but he and the big dog were snoozing away indoors last night. Pity… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/46 "2012-01-01T19:29:22Z")
Slept thru it. Woke up hearing that human train wreck Kathy Griffin on CNN. Made a chocomilk with pudding mix, chugged it, went back to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/47 "2012-01-01T20:12:33Z")
Amie, you suck. I have your name, address, and birthdate thanks to the government receipt you included in the bag of garbage you dumped on the street in front of my house (that I subsequently picked up, because I don’t live in a neighbourhood where people just dump garbage on the street, unlike you, you filthy pig). I’m tempted to deliver her garbage back to her and dump it in her front yard, but I won’t, because I was raised better than she obviously was. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/48 "2012-01-01T20:50:15Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > I met someone from Delaware once. I stared at her like she was unicorn or some other mythical creature. Hey, we have friends from Delaware. Although their eyes sort of darted at the exits when they said it. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/49 "2012-01-01T20:58:07Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > The Breakfast of Champions. > > **Curl** , when did you become fun? 😃 > > ETA: I never was. _I_ have always been fun! 🆒 Except when I’m not, or when I’m not in the mood, or when somethin’ needs killin’ or > [@Morgyn](#): > > MP3 file played loudly through your stereo of a shotgun being racked and a deep-voiced male saying, “Should I try for the left 'nad or the right one, this time, Mabel?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! > [@Chefguy](#): > > Hey, we have friends from Delaware. Although their eyes sort of darted at the exits when they said it. What is the thing with Delaware? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/50 "2012-01-02T01:30:26Z")
Honey, quit walking in when I’m at my desk on the computer, and plopping yourself down behind me and reading a book. I haaate that. We’ve talked about this. You have your new studio space in the basement and your office, your dad has his bedroom as he always has, and we’re gradually cleaning out your old bedroom for office space for me. Every other room in the house is shared space. Right now, this desk is the only spot in the house that is mine. (I already let you know in no uncertain words putting the broken receiver you’re working on on my desk was not ok. Keep your clutter on your own desk, dammit.) I need a little private space of my own. Hell, I’m not even doing anything I don’t want you to see me doing - I’m surfing the web, not posting child porn. I come up here to get away from the TV your dad always has on and to be alone with my thoughts. It’s been a busy week with lots of socializing and I need downtime. I know this is your old bedroom and you’re used to just waltzing in whenever you want, and a lot of your stuff is still in here yet, but I don’t want to have to tell you to go away, I just want you to go away! Aaaand while I was typing he realized he was bothering me and left. There’s hope after all. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/51 "2012-01-02T01:46:22Z")
Today I noticed that Yelp has filtered out the few reviews I’ve given because apparently I’m some fake review bot or some stupid bullshit. One newly opened restaurant I reviewed and gave a lengthy review with four stars. Some other person gave it one star with a review basically saying “This sucked”. So now the place comes up showing it as being worth one star unless you decide to look for the grayed out “show filtered reviews” link. Which doesn’t add any more stars to it, it just lets you read the review. So fuck you Yelp and your shitty algorithm and the waste of my time trying to contribute to your shitty site. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/52 "2012-01-02T02:36:46Z")
I remember a time, long, long ago, when I used to love long weekends. Now I’m just huddled in fetal waiting for this (hopefully final) one to be over. Don’t get me wrong. I love my family dearly. But goddamn it, every person in this house is following me around like a damn duckling. I’ve got kids climbing all over me and when I finally manage to get some breathing room, my husband is constantly talking to me, standing over me, asking me questions or looking at what I’m doing over my shoulder. I just want to be fucking left alone for, like, 10 minutes but my husband keeps asking me questions and grabbing my boobs as he walks by. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/53 "2012-01-02T02:51:00Z")
I’m a little late but Happy 2012 everyone! Twofold rant today… Boyfriend, it’s probably a good idea to program your GPS before we hit the spaghetti bowl that is the highway system around Indianapolis. You wonder why I’m grabbing the “oh shit” handle on the car door and trying to hit the invisible break pedal while you’re driving with your knee and fiddling with the stupid GPS while going 85 in the middle of four lanes of traffic. This is why I worry when you’re traveling late at night too. Kohl’s, I don’t want your stupid identity theft protection program, just activate my damn credit card! It’s bad enough you made me listen to the three minute long pre-recorded sales pitch, but when I was finally given the option to say “no thanks” you ask “Are you sure?” then hit me with another recorded sales pitch. Of course I don’t notice that I can activate the card in the store instead of over the phone until after I sat through all that crap. Grrr. ---
**Author:** ![Runestar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/74df32/32.png) [@Runestar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runestar)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/54 "2012-01-02T03:12:39Z")
> [@Dr.Girlfriend](#): > > Kohl’s, I don’t want your stupid identity theft protection program, just activate my damn credit card! It’s bad enough you made me listen to the three minute long pre-recorded sales pitch, but when I was finally given the option to say “no thanks” you ask “Are you sure?” then hit me with another recorded sales pitch. Of course I don’t notice that I can activate the card in the store instead of over the phone until after I sat through all that crap. Grrr. QFT. A-freaking-men. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/55 "2012-01-02T03:37:03Z")
I really hate the sound of mouth noise or stuff that sounds like mouth noise and so god I hate the fucking Kit-Kat commercials and when they come on I can never ever seem to find the goddamn mute button on my remote fast enough to turn that shit off. :mad: :mad: ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/56 "2012-01-02T03:49:47Z")
> [@LavenderBlue](#): > > I met someone from Delaware once. I stared at her like she was unicorn or some other mythical creature. As evidence of the non-existence of Delaware: when the state quarters first came out in 1999, the vending machine in my office wouldn’t accept it. _It_ knew there was no such place. ---
**Author:** ![UFC\_Is\_Sux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/46a35a/32.png) [@UFC\_Is\_Sux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UFC_Is_Sux)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/57 "2012-01-02T04:17:55Z")
On the issue of cigarette bums … I spend around $40 a carton for my smokes these days, which is just under 3 weeks at my current rate of consumption. (And I know full well that they’re at least twice that in some parts of the fruited plain.) This is money that I budget very carefully to feed my despicable habit, but nobody holds a gun to my head to do so. However, my budget is not unlimited - if I have to spend more on smokes because you DRANK UP YOUR DISCRETIONARY INCOME BUYING 40s AND LOTTERY TICKETS AND CAN’T AFFORD TO BUY YOUR OWN SMOKES AND DEPEND ON ME TO SUPPLY THEM TO YOU, then that blows my careful budgeting right out of the water. I know cigarettes are expensive and everybody runs out once in a while. But you, YOU! who I work with every day who has a nicer car than I have and lives in a house that would bankrupt me if I took over the mortgage on it, why do YOU bum at least 4 smokes from me Every. Single. Fracking. Day? And don’t even start with the “I’ll buy you a pack tomorrow” crap either - it never happens and we’ve been working together for 3 years now. This is 2012, a new year. And I’ve made a resolution that I am going to keep. Even if a genie pops out of a magic lamp and offers to turn me into R. J. Reynolds, I will never give away another cigarette to anyone, including you, as long as I live. Get mad at me, look at me like I just slapped your grandmother, trash me behind my back, dig through the discarded butts out in the smoking area at work if you have to. Just don’t ask me for another cigarette again. Got that? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/58 "2012-01-02T04:23:09Z")
But…not stop smoking, eh? I work with a lot of younger people and it is amazing how many of them take up smoking when they come here. I laugh and mock them through the window when they go outside to smoke in winter (20 below you had to go stand outside and smoke? Hahahaha) or in the rain. And yeah, they’re always begging cigarettes from each other. One of my team mates made little signs that he gave to guys on our team who gave him smokes. “I like you a lot, but I hate you for giving me cigarettes”. ---
**Author:** ![UFC\_Is\_Sux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/46a35a/32.png) [@UFC\_Is\_Sux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UFC_Is_Sux)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/59 "2012-01-02T04:35:51Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > But…not stop smoking, eh? Nope. > [@Chimera](#): > > I work with a lot of younger people and it is amazing how many of them take up smoking when they come here. I laugh and mock them through the window when they go outside to smoke in winter (20 below you had to go stand outside and smoke? Hahahaha) or in the rain. We have a climate controlled smoking area so we don’t have those issues. And in my warm little corner somewhere in the Southern US, if it ever got down to 20 below, we’d lose our minds anyway - going outside to smoke would be the least of our problems. > [@Chimera](#): > > And yeah, they’re always begging cigarettes from each other. > > One of my team mates made little signs that he gave to guys on our team who gave him smokes. “I like you a lot, but I hate you for giving me cigarettes”. Yeah, smoking has a big love/hate aspect to it. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2012, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003/60 "2012-01-02T05:16:29Z")
> [@curlcoat](#): > > What is the thing with Delaware? You don’t really think you’re going to trick me with your macho head games, do you? Next you’ll be claiming you don’t know that North Dakota has a fence around it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-a-bitchy-new-year-january-2012-minirants/608003.md?page=4)