# And Here Come The Conspiracy Theories - Columbia Related **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 3, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565 "2003-02-03T19:22:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/41 "2003-02-04T19:13:10Z")
These all seem too simple. I suspect that renegade elements of the Illuminati, working in concert with scientists from the Montauk Project in a secret base underneath one of the secret bases in Utah, discovered that the shuttle’s true mission had been to pick up the cryogenically preserved remains of Adolph Hitler, which had been placed in orbit by the Trilateral Comission shortly before the end of WWII. These remains were to be brought back so that the Reptoid aliens, represented by the Queen of England, could combine the DNA with that taken from the Shroud of Turin by NSA operatives and thus clone the Antichrist in preparation for the great upheavals of 2012, as predicted by the Mayans. Using Tesla’s Wardencliffe death ray, which had previously been disguised under the umbrella of HAARP, they attempted to destroy the shuttle so that their own plans to implant microchips in every person on earth under the guise of vaccination would not be derailed and the United Nations would still be able to take over the world and run it from the Denver International Airport in time to finish the moon bases before the Face on Mars opens its mouth and the third prophecy of Fatima comes to pass. They were unsuccessful because the death ray had been sabotaged by the Rothschild family/Bilderberg Group cabal, who were concerned that Tesla’s research could be used to interfere with their own plans to utilize reverse-engineered alien spacecraft to thwart the attempts of the dwellers in the Hollow Earth to implement mind control through cellular telephones which beam microwaves into the brains of their users. Bill Gates and the leader of the Freemasons, Elvis Presley, met to discuss the failure of the death ray and were both killed by a Men in Black hit team dispatched by FEMA, who couldn’t pass up a chance to gain control of their organizations by replacing them with clones. This is the penultimate step in FEMA’s plan to distribute subliminal messages in Microsoft products which will eventually cause a change in cosciousness of the users and result, when the stars are alligned again, in a mass chant which will summon the Great Old Ones and thus earn the true power behind the U.S. government, Comte de St. Germaine, a place at the rightmost tentacle of Great C’thullu. All of which seems like a lot of wasted effort, when you consider that the shuttle was, in fact, destroyed by accident as a result of damaged sustained during liftoff. Even vast conspiracies have bad days, y’know. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/42 "2003-02-04T19:24:10Z")
Like Bill Gates being a clone is a conspiracy theory 😉 I think that something went wrong when William Shatner opened the door to shoot the gremlin off the wing. ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/43 "2003-02-04T19:52:00Z")
OK, this is one of the best ones yet: [http://www.wiolawapress.com/500.htm](http://www.wiolawapress.com/500.htm) After some “processing” of a picture of airborne debris, this explanation is given: > [@](#): > > i believe from what im observing the SHUTTLE crew that survived were taken off the blown ship… and you should be able to see what are called the BEKS ( little doctors of the ORIONS- who currently reside on earth i.e. under and above) probably administering to those who have injuries… it is easy to see also on this image that one of the females is climbing out of one of the ships…probably from below to climb to the ship above to be rescued… i think you will see there is alot happening in this photo enlargement, including CRITTERS you have never seen before… So, the “circular disks” in the photo are these “BEKS”, huh? Here, I’ve got some circular disks for you: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/44 "2003-02-04T20:27:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Skelji \* > \*\*Unfortunately, the Religious Right was eavesdropping, but only heard the word “abort”. They got on their Hotline To God and asked that He smite the entire crew in a fiery ball of death as a little preview of what awaited them when they meet Satan. \*\* I would hope that you’re only knocking wackos, but speaking as a believer in God, I was shocked, saddened and horrified by the shuttle accident. I pray for the families, will probubly make a donation to the survivor’s fund, and would not wish this on anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/45 "2003-02-04T20:41:51Z")
(the reverse vampires, in conjunction with…the saucer people) ---
**Author:** ![bayonet1976](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/77aa72/32.png) [@bayonet1976](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bayonet1976)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/46 "2003-02-04T20:44:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Missy2U \* > **Yes, I asked this person if they had seen any black helicopters lately…** I swear I’m not crazy or making this up. Well, I swear I’m not making this up. Friday, January 31st. I’m driving to Orlando from Jacksonville, FL down I-95. Just north of Daytona I notice an object in the sky, about 100 feet up, just off the north bound lanes of the highway. I’m listening to NPR, and my mind is, as my car, in cruise control. I’m getting closer and the object shifts sideways in the sky, revealing a different profile, and…holy crap! It’s a black helicopter! Definitely military, those were serious looking gun/bomb mounts on the side. And it’s hovering over this one house, just hovering. It took me about 3 minutes to get to the spot from the first time I saw it, and another minute or so until I lost it in my rear view mirrors. But it got me to thinking, some people do see black helicopter over their house! And needless to say, this was \<\\> the day before the shuttle was coming back! And only a few miles off Cape Canaveral! \<\\> ---
**Author:** ![Unabomber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a88e57/32.png) [@Unabomber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unabomber)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/47 "2003-02-04T21:23:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bayonet1976 \* > \*\* > And needless to say, this was \<\\> the day before the shuttle was coming back! And only a few miles off Cape Canaveral! \<\\> \*\* lol, ok, so you saw a black helicopter the night before the shuttle incident occurred. That’s great. Maybe you should just go ahead and confirm that the black helicopter shot down the shuttle from a difference of 198,000 feet of altitude. Just go ahead and print it as confirmed news. 🙂 You’re obviously probably kidding by even mentioning that it was the night before the shuttle disaster, so I’ll just disregard that one entirely. ---
**Author:** ![Rhum\_Runner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rhum\_Runner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhum_Runner)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/48 "2003-02-04T22:25:03Z")
**JRDelirious** All I can say is, wow. That’s some bizaro stuff. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/49 "2003-02-04T23:35:05Z")
Yeah. I kept waiting for a reference to _J. R. “Bob” Dobbs_, or to “Slack” to show up, so I could say this was a SubGenius Rant. But this Larry Wood dude is either an authentic wackjob or a prankster who badly needs a full-time job. ---
**Author:** ![DemonSpawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac8455/32.png) [@DemonSpawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DemonSpawn)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/50 "2003-02-05T00:33:59Z")
The shuttle (and with it the first Israeli astronaut) was hit by a missile fired by muslim fanatics from their base in Palestine, TX. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/51 "2003-02-05T01:25:34Z")
I was going to offer my own flipant off-the-wall theory, but scanning the links mentioned above: [http://www.wiolawapress.com/500.htm](http://www.wiolawapress.com/500.htm) [http://www.biblenews1.com/history3/20030105STS107.htm](http://www.biblenews1.com/history3/20030105STS107.htm) has shown me I will never be able to top either of these. Wow. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/52 "2003-02-05T02:56:54Z")
You know in the wiolawapress one about \*beks and critters \* it looks like there is a smiley face in what would be the second blob down. My God! Happy Space Aliens::::eeek! what if they want to assimilate us? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565/53 "2003-02-05T03:43:52Z")
\*\*Dmark \*\* the reason you will never be able to top them is because you are a rational person trying to think irrationally. Whereas, these people are irrational trying to pass off their paranoia and delusions in rational thoughts. On behalf of the rest of dopers, we’d like to thank you for being part of the former. 😃 Their works are simply mouth droppingly shocking. Makes you wonder…what do these people do for a living? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-here-come-the-conspiracy-theories-columbia-related/152565.md?page=2)