# And here's your Dec. rants thread - Merry Christbitchmas! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 1, 2011, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693 "2011-12-01T13:07:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 16
**Author:** ![the\_brush](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@the\_brush](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_brush)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/301 "2011-12-13T05:55:45Z")
I am collecting for a wig company. If anybody has any hair clippings please pm me. Do not wash the hair a few days before cutting , must be between the ages of 29 and 35 and latino. prices vary. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/302 "2011-12-13T17:12:32Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Listen up, you beer soaked cum dumpster, midnight on a monday night is not an appropriate time to invite your potential fuckbuddies over for beer and laughs. Unlike you, I have a job and responsibilities and as such, I need my sleep. I realize it’s hard for you to hear anything through the alcohol induced fog and your insatiable cocklust so let me just say I can’t wait for you to move your sorry ass out. December 31st can’t come soon enough, you warmed over jizz-pitton. Wowza. That was … eloquent. 😛 I musta missed the original rant, though. Who is this gem of a human being - your roommate or something? (Also, what’s a “pitton?”) Taking a brief moment here to pit myself for zonking out on the couch last night and playing TapFish - an app game in which you buy pretty little fish and then do things like clean their tank - while sitting next to a real-life fish tank that NEEDS CLEANING. (Real-life fish tank doesn’t give me sparkly coins so I can run out and buy more fish when I clean it, though.) ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/303 "2011-12-13T17:47:28Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Taking a brief moment here to pit myself for zonking out on the couch last night and playing TapFish - an app game in which you buy pretty little fish and then do things like clean their tank - while sitting next to a real-life fish tank that NEEDS CLEANING. Ha! I’m in the same boat, except I fell asleep rather than playing TapFish, which sounds intriguing and which I should probably never start playing. The tanks really are getting dire, as I’m currently fighting a duckweed invasion from some tiny bits that hitched a ride on some plants I bought. Since my tanks are a little bit overlit (a lot), it is now EVERYWHERE. I also pit myself for not being done Christmas shopping, despite having almost no buying to do this year. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/304 "2011-12-13T19:42:50Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Wowza. That was … eloquent. 😛 I musta missed the original rant, though. Who is this gem of a human being - your roommate or something? > > (Also, what’s a “pitton?”) I think it’s a poorly-proofread portmanteau word combining “jizz” and “spittoon.” “Jizz-pittoon.” pretty much the same as “cum-dumpster.” It’s not in the urban dictionary yet, **Inner Stickler** ; now’s your shot at glory. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/305 "2011-12-13T20:39:52Z")
My god, **K’sDad** , did you actually _look it up?!?_ ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/306 "2011-12-13T21:21:13Z")
Something hit my wife’s windshield today (think it was a bird). Needed it replaced to the tune of the $300 deductible. I WAS GOING TO DONATE THAT MONEY TO THE DIRTY ORPHANS!!!\* \*Was actually going to buy cigars. But still. ---
**Author:** ![Mom-of-Andrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8c91f0/32.png) [@Mom-of-Andrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mom-of-Andrew)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/307 "2011-12-13T22:59:51Z")
This prolly belongs in MPSIMS, but all the rants have been here so I’ll impose one last time: Bro’s funeral was yesterday. Dipshit the second was there, but was not a dipshit. When I saw her in person instead of just dealing with her on the phone/ online, I finally figured it out. She was running interference for her hubby – same way I was running interference for my folks. He was taking this very, very hard. So now I have a shred of respect for her because she was standing up for the guy who lived with us for a couple of years in high school. Dipshit the first remains a dipshit, but he didn’t attend the funeral so the golf clubs remain bloodless. The same guy who insisted he needed a few minutes alone with my bro in the hospital, and that I had to kick out of the room half an hour later so the doc could do his thing. Didn’t even bother to show up for the funeral. He has been posting all over fb how bad he feels and how much he misses my bro. I am glad he didn’t show up – I don’t think we had enough golf clubs to go around… Anyway, I’m home now. Thank you bunches to everyone here who posted advice/ support/ offers of alibis… ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/308 "2011-12-13T23:09:35Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I think it’s a poorly-proofread portmanteau word combining “jizz” and “spittoon.” > > “Jizz-pittoon.” pretty much the same as “cum-dumpster.” It’s not in the urban dictionary yet, **Inner Stickler** ; now’s your shot at glory. Jizz-toon sounded like Simpsons porn so I went with my less elegant version. She’s my roommate and good riddance to bad rubbish. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/309 "2011-12-14T04:20:56Z")
Damn damn damn. Little rant: when I chose the Christmas tree, I specifically looked for one with a clear vertical branch at the top for the angel. It wasn’t until it was in the stand, covered in lights, garland, and half of the ornaments that I noticed that the guy who loaded it “helpfully” chopped off that spike. Now I’m going to have to rig up something to hold the topper! (I tried using a big bow, instead but it looks very awkward.) Big rant: my grandfather-in-law was released from hospital to hospice care today. He’s 98 years old, and has had a damned good run, but it’s sad to lose him, especially at this time of year. This will be tough on Tony, and family politics will be tougher than ever. I’m so sad for him, and dreading the inevitable redneck soap opera this will engender. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/310 "2011-12-14T05:44:40Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > Jizz-toon sounded like Simpsons porn so I went with my less elegant version. She’s my roommate and good riddance to bad rubbish. It was a very nice rant. I liked how creative you were. I got a bad haircut today. I keep my hair boy short, except for bangs and whisps in front of my ears. I’ve got a scar right over my eyebrow and I like my bangs to be long enough to cover it. No whisps, and my scar shows. Then she left my cowlick so long that it doesn’t stand up. When I told her that I wasn’t happy and that she should shorten my cowlick, she used product and wanted to sell me a bottle. I was very clear about what I wanted when we talked. When she finished, she told me that I looked much better with her design. No tip for her. Thank goodness that hair grows. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/311 "2011-12-14T14:59:28Z")
What the hell is wrong with people? Monday I went into the office to work and while waiting to get onto the highway to come home a luxury SUV with a sticker on the back that said “Princess enroute, please drive carefully” cut across 3 lanes of traffic to get into the onramp. She had several opportunities to get into the right lane but instead whipped into the left lane and then into her 3 lane maneuver in order to gain a 3 car advantage. Today I was dropping the car off to get winter tires (late but they just arrived) and at the intersection before my house I was driving west through a green light. There was a pedestrian walking west through the same light and just as he reached the halfway point and I entered the intersection a Jag turned in front of me. Didn’t slow down for the red let alone stop. I slammed on the brakes in my loaner car and poor pedestrian dude looked like he was going to pass out. Jag kept speeding along at, according to the electronic “slow down it’s a school zone sign” 65km in a 40 zone. Asshole. I’m considering hibernating until winter is over. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/312 "2011-12-14T16:52:14Z")
Fuck you, LabCorp. Our son had a seizure, which freaked us the hell out, so now we have to put him through days and days of doctor appointments and stressful tests. Plus, he’s got an ear infection on top of everything else, so we have to give him antibiotics twice a day. The poor kid is only 15 months old; he doesn’t know why we’re doing all of this to him. All he knows is that he’s pissed off and scared and wants it to be over. We had two things scheduled yesterday, an EEG and a blood draw. We had to wake him up at an ungodly hour so he’d sleep through the EEG, and mercifully, he did… but only after 10 minutes of screaming and struggling while being undressed, swaddled, strapped to the bed, and wired up. We took him home and he was exhausted; he slept like a log until we had to wake him for the next appointment. We figured that at least the blood draw would be quick and relatively painless. But that’s not how they roll at LabCorp. It was bad enough that, of the three or four people in the cluttered, dilapidated office, only one seemed to be actually working. She greeted us at the front desk, and then took us back to do the draw herself. The other folks were simultaneously standing in our way and totally ignoring us, while laughing and chatting - and swearing! Super professional! - about how nice it was when So-and-so isn’t working, because there’s no yelling (…the hell?). The tech asked one of the women standing around if she would help with our draw, and she glared at her refused, saying she was busy. Fortunately, both my husband and I were there, so he held our kid while I held his arm. The tech was nice enough, although she gave off a really sketchy vibe; I half wondered if she’d learned to do sticks from shooting up. And she didn’t seem to be especially competent at her job in general, or good with kids in particular. She actually seemed a little surprised when he started crying; we explained he’d had an EEG that morning and was stressed out - at least she was sympathetic. But all that would have been fine, if she could have just done the stick quickly. She couldn’t, though. She tied off one of his arms, couldn’t find a vein, tied off the other, found a vein only to lose it as soon as the needle was in, and frantically worked the needle around under his skin for some 30 seconds trying to find it again. Then she called to another woman and asked if she would help hold him; she _also_ blew her off (still without looking at us), saying, “I’m trying to do my shit.” (Which was fine by me; I certainly didn’t want someone who seemed pissed at just having to be there holding my kid down while the tech jabbed at him. And to her credit, the tech just shrugged it off.) So she went back to the first arm, got the needle in, _still_ couldn’t find the vein, and then finally, after a few more seconds of poking around, hit it. The whole time, my kid was screaming and crying, and was so upset he started blowing raspberries. The clueless tech said, “Oh, he’s blowing bubbles! My daughter loves to do that.” I just kind of gaped at her. He wasn’t doing it for fun, he was quite clearly freaking the fuck out. So finally, she got the vial filled, bandaged his arm (without enough tape, and it came off and she got annoyed that she had to do it again), and sent us on our way. At no time did any of the other employees even acknowledge our presence, or do anything other than hang out looking bored, and seething with apparent disdain for poor Ms. Incompetech for, I can only guess, stooping so low as to actually do some work. They acted like they were working third shift at the Kwik-E-Mart, rather than a busy medical facility on a goddamned Tuesday afternoon. If I’d thought it would have helped anything, I would have given each and every one of them a swift kick in the crotch. Maybe not Incompetech; she honestly seemed to doing her best, even though her best was pretty shitty, considering that this is more or less _all they do_. And the kicker is that we then went to the Safeway pharmacy, and the tech there was the height of pleasant professionalism. And she was a little bemused when I thanked her so profusely for selling us some Advil Cold. Sorry, not a mini-rant by any stretch, and not even funny, but damn, I do feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/313 "2011-12-14T18:24:10Z")
Wow, **HOD**. I bet _somebody_ at LabCorp would be very interested to hear about that. Probably So-and-so, who yells so much. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/314 "2011-12-14T19:16:10Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > \ a luxury SUV with a sticker on the back that said “Princess enroute, please drive carefully” \ I wish there was some way that I could believe that you were kidding, and that a sticker like that doesn’t actually exist. On a related note, I love how so many people driving breedermobiles are so concerned about everyone else’s driving, but not their own. I get tailgated through school and playground zones by SUVs and mini-vans regularly - I guess _their_ kids go to a different school. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/315 "2011-12-14T19:32:53Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Wow, **HOD**. I bet _somebody_ at LabCorp would be very interested to hear about that. Probably So-and-so, who yells so much. That might be WHY So-and-so yells so much. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/316 "2011-12-14T19:41:17Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Wow, **HOD**. I bet _somebody_ at LabCorp would be very interested to hear about that. Probably So-and-so, who yells so much. I agree. An angry and informative e-mail and/or letter needs to be written. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/317 "2011-12-14T20:13:16Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I wish there was some way that I could believe that you were kidding, and that a sticker like that doesn’t actually exist. On a related note, I love how so many people driving breedermobiles are so concerned about everyone else’s driving, but not their own. I get tailgated through school and playground zones by SUVs and mini-vans regularly - I guess _their_ kids go to a different school. It’s pink. And in the shape of a crown. _dies a little inside_ ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/318 "2011-12-14T20:21:01Z")
Hey, **Cicero** , that’s rough being across the country and all. Is there anyone local to look after him while he’s in hospital? Take heart. My MiL will be going home soon from rehab for her broken hip. She broke it last month, on her 94th birthday. Tough old bird, yup. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2011, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/319 "2011-12-14T20:50:02Z")
Blargh. My parents were in town last week to meet their granddaughter and they used concern for her to cover up their contempt for black people. They’re smokers, which means that they spent about 1/3 of their waking hours standing outside our apartment building so they could smoke. As such they saw lots of stuff they assumed was crime related and came in to tell me about it. “I just saw two black guys get chased down by a police officer!” “There are three black guys arguing about whether or not to get into a car on the corner!” “I can hear snoring coming from the hallway…I think some black guy sneaked in and is taking a nap upstairs!” :smack: First of all, if there is crime in my neighborhood I’m glad there are police around to deal with it. Second of all, people argue about whether or not to get in cars here all the time because it is NYC and there are a ton of cabs all over the place. Thirdly, I’m not surprised that you can hear snoring in the hallway because people live here and many of them snore. You probably heard someone who snored so loud it was audible outside his apartment, but even if that isn’t the case you still didn’t see anyone so how can you know he was black? Can a person “snore” black or something? But mostly none of this is a problem for me because we live in East Harlem! Didn’t you expect to see a few black people in _Harlem_? We’ve lived here for almost 2 years and have never had even the slightest run in with any kind of crime. We feel very safe and have no problems with our community’s racial makeup. Please don’t insinuate our daughter can’t be safe here because there are black people around. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2011, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693/320 "2011-12-15T00:21:22Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Wow, **HOD**. I bet _somebody_ at LabCorp would be very interested to hear about that. Probably So-and-so, who yells so much. Yes, most definitely. If I saw someone moving a needle around under my kid’s arm trying to find a vein they just lost…well, honestly, I’d probably be passed out well before that point. But when I came to, there would be an ass-kicking in store. As someone who was traumatized into needlephobia as a small child I can authoritatively say **YOU DO NOT DO THAT SHIT**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693.md?page=15) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-heres-your-dec-rants-thread-merry-christbitchmas/604693.md?page=17)