# "...and I like to write stories about Roy Orbison being wrapped in cling-film." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 24, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913 "2003-04-24T18:20:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/1 "2003-04-24T18:20:42Z")
[Perhaps the most bizarre slash fiction I’ve ever seen.](http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/karl.htm) ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/2 "2003-04-24T18:44:30Z")
If there’s one thing that never ceases to astound me about the human race, it’s the sheer _variety_ of it. There is nothing so strange that it hasn’t already been conceived, masturbated to, and published on the web. Although it’s not, technically, “slash” fiction, is it? Now, an erotic story about Jeff Lynne wrapping Roy Orbison in cling film, that would be bona fide. Not to mention _hot hot hot!!!_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/3 "2003-04-24T18:53:11Z")
> [@](#): > > My mouth dry, I stand pressed against Roy, who is wrapped completely in clingfilm. Awkwardly, I pass the film around both of our waists several times, until we are bound together by the miracle substance. My synapses overload with joy. This is funny shit! ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/4 "2003-04-24T18:58:28Z")
If you think that’s funny, check out his links page for _other_ slash fiction. Among others: Zoologists Slash: David Attenborough/Johnny Morris David Attenborough/baboon Steve Irwin/crocodile Uh…yeah. Whatever floats your boat, dude… Fortunately these aren’t actually links–he claims that the authors are trying to find servers to host it. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/5 "2003-04-24T19:46:16Z")
What I like is the precise, straightforward way it’s told. Almost no hint of raunchiness. That, and the image of Roy Orbison saying, “That is a well-groomed terrapin,” and “What? What are you saying? Are you saying your terrapin should eat worms out of my dog’s ass?” :eek: ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/6 "2003-04-24T20:24:21Z")
I like that the author gets right to the action without a lot of exposition. I always hate having to wade through long descriptions of characters and settings in a story just to get to the part where Roy Orbison gets wrapped in cling-film. This guy delivers exactly what he promises with no pretense or embellishment. You have to respect that. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/7 "2003-04-24T20:59:15Z")
I, too, enjoy the way it’s told. Very German somehow. Precise,almost delicate. The “once and future link” that gets me hot is the Wittgenstein and Popper one. Actually, Wittgenstein and anyone would get me hot. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/8 "2003-04-24T21:10:01Z")
I, too, enjoy the way it’s told. Very German somehow. Precise,almost delicate. The “once and future link” that gets me hot is the Wittgenstein and Popper one. Actually, Wittgenstein and anyone would get me hot. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/9 "2003-04-25T13:44:30Z")
Oh come on, people! I would have thought this thread would be completely irresistable! _He want to wrap Roy Orbison in cling-film!!!_ This is comedy gold! Where’s the mockery? Are you people going soft or what? Or is it just too easy? ---
**Author:** ![Vixenation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/278dde/32.png) [@Vixenation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vixenation)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/10 "2003-04-25T15:54:54Z")
This is by far one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Ever. > [@](#): > > Jetta is taken away, although I get her back after a complicated legal process. Apparently, Germany takes the matter of terrapin custody very seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Odieman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a87d85/32.png) [@Odieman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odieman)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/11 "2003-04-25T16:49:56Z")
I am surprised that nobody has said that Worms for Jetta would be a good band name…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/12 "2003-04-25T18:15:14Z")
I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks. Wasn’t this guy a guest on “Sprockets” once? I’ve found a new sig… ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/13 "2003-04-25T19:05:37Z")
This guy’s stuff is very very funny … see also [Why I hate the Internet](http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/search.htm) and an [e-mail questionnaire](http://www.michaelkelly.fsnet.co.uk/qna.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/14 "2003-04-25T19:08:13Z")
From the ‘links’ section Blair/Thatcher (- Blair and Thatcher couple like stoats on the grave of Nye Bevan) Judd/Purves/Singleton/Sticky-back plastic (V.hot) I feel like my perversions are so vanilla now. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/15 "2003-04-25T19:20:19Z")
Ok if you go to his main page and then go to his links you find two links (one working and one broken) to **Jin Wicked**. So maybe this guy isn’t so nuts after all. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/16 "2003-04-25T19:49:36Z")
I want that man’s babies just from his “Why I hate the Internet” page. Hysterical. ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/17 "2003-04-25T21:08:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Biblical Slash: > David/Abishag > Solomon/Sheba > **Onan/Onan** Heh. That cracked me up. Poor Onan. Even in slash fic he’s left with only himself. ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2003, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/18 "2003-04-25T23:33:43Z")
I’m dying here. That is the funniest thing that has ever been. Roy hopped out of the house wrapped in cling-wrap… they took his terrapin away… BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You, sir, rock! Thank you. LC ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/19 "2003-04-26T01:26:49Z")
Aww, you mean it’s not real? I guess I’ve been whooshed. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does… _whoo boy!_. The stories are still hysterical. I know I’ll be reading the rest of this guy’s stuff at work on Monday. ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913/20 "2003-04-26T02:22:17Z")
I’m still wondering whether it’s real or not. Either it’s real and the guy archived it on his site because he thought it was hilarious, or he wrote it as a joke (thus making him a comic genius). But I really can’t get hung up on that, because, dear God, it’s _Roy Orbison wrapped in clingfilm!_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-i-like-to-write-stories-about-roy-orbison-being-wrapped-in-cling-film/170913.md?page=2)