# And Now Chris Hardwick \[domestic abuse allegations\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [June 15, 2018, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153 "2018-06-15T15:28:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/61 "2018-06-15T20:09:27Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Okay, good for you for recognizing that and apologizing. Hopefully you can learn from it and not rush to judgment the next time a woman comes forward and tells a story. > > I don’t think there’s any wrong way to tell the truth (and there’s no reason to believe she’s not telling the truth – if proof emerged that she was lying, I’d have no problem with criticism against her). Every victim and survivor will process their experiences differently. Each one will have differing levels of legitimate fear of their abusers, especially when they’re powerful and influential in their industry. Each one will have their own reasons for telling their story in a certain way, and it’s entirely up to them how to tell it. If they want to name names, fine. If they don’t, fine. There’s no wrong way to tell the truth. And their stories are theirs, to tell in the entirety, or only partially, or not at all, however they choose. I think its more complicated than that. In child custody cases its not uncommon for the mother to accuse the father of abuse. While every and I mean every case of abuse should be investigated I believe we should determine that there is evidence before we tar and feather the accused. Its the foundation of our criminal justice system. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/62 "2018-06-15T20:11:21Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > I think its more complicated than that. In child custody cases its not uncommon for the mother to accuse the father of abuse. While every and I mean every case of abuse should be investigated I believe we should determine that there is evidence before we tar and feather the accused. Its the foundation of our criminal justice system. But no one is tarring and feathering anyone. She simply told her story, and it’s her story to tell, in any way she sees fit, as long as it’s truthful. If she doesn’t want to name names, that’s her choice, and IMO it’s wrong to criticize her for not telling her story (which we have no reason to believe is not truthful) in the way you’d prefer. This sort of criticism just adds to that giant pile of reasons for why women don’t come forward and tell their stories. Wouldn’t you rather not add to that? Isn’t it better to be welcoming and encouraging for women (and men) to tell their stories, in the way most comfortable for them, and refrain from any criticism unless there’s good reason to believe that they’re lying? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/63 "2018-06-15T20:15:01Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Please do not lecture me on justice or throw random court cases. Yes, of course it happens. > > But you seem much less concerned about her story being taken seriously than his name not being besmirched. Over the course of history, which way do you think was more likely? > > Do you not see how your knee jerk is to not believe her, because she doesn’t have multiple other women coming forward, a caseload of evidence, and chose to not name a powerful man? The benefit of the doubt, in your mind, lies squarely with him. You’re entitled to that, but don’t make because you are just that much more impartial or fair than those who are more inclined to believe her. I didn’t say that I didn’t believe her. I said we must wait for some evidence to come out that supports her version of events. She said that she went to lawyers and they turned her away. Why? I’m concerned about the man in these cases because they are losing their careers without an adequate way to defend themselves. Accusations are not facts. If Hardwicke did what his accusor has charged him with then lets condemn him. Maybe she has as ax to grind. Do you think she would be the first to try to hurt an ex out of hurt feelings? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/64 "2018-06-15T20:16:35Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > I didn’t say that I didn’t believe her. I said we must wait for some evidence to come out that supports her version of events. Wait for what? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/65 "2018-06-15T20:17:08Z")
**iiandyiiii** - he’s not apologizing for his rush to judgment, he’s apologizing for using the word “coward”. He used a lot of other words that aren’t any better. Despite his own statement to the contrary, he won’t grant that she might be telling the truth until more women come forward, and now he’s conflating her story with what happens in child custody cases. It’s clear that he is not only not neutral on this, he believes she is lying. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/66 "2018-06-15T20:17:23Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > But no one is tarring and feathering anyone. She simply told her story, and it’s her story to tell, in any way she sees fit, as long as it’s truthful. If she doesn’t want to name names, that’s her choice, and IMO it’s wrong to criticize her for not telling her story (which we have no reason to believe is not truthful) in the way you’d prefer. > > This sort of criticism just adds to that giant pile of reasons for why women don’t come forward and tell their stories. Wouldn’t you rather not add to that? Isn’t it better to be welcoming and encouraging for women (and men) to tell their stories, in the way most comfortable for them, and refrain from any criticism unless there’s good reason to believe that they’re lying? Sure lets listen to everyone who claims they have been abused. Its the right thing to do. But shouldn’t we give the accused a forum to respond? Abusers should be punished harshly. But lets try to have a fair system where both parties can be heard. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/67 "2018-06-15T20:18:43Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > **iiandyiiii** - he’s not apologizing for his rush to judgment, he’s apologizing for using the word “coward”. He used a lot of other words that aren’t any better. Despite his own statement to the contrary, he won’t grant that she might be telling the truth until more women come forward, and now he’s conflating her story with what happens in child custody cases. It’s clear that he is not only not neutral on this, he believes she is lying. Bullshit. I said at the very beginning of the thread that she could be right. I also said that we shouldn’t rush to judgment. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/68 "2018-06-15T20:19:07Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Sure lets listen to everyone who claims they have been abused. Its the right thing to do. But shouldn’t we give the accused a forum to respond? Abusers should be punished harshly. But lets try to have a fair system where both parties can be heard. Ok, so he says he didn’t do it, what then? what sort of evidence are you hoping to get? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/69 "2018-06-15T20:20:12Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Wait for what? What if she is making up or distorting the truth. Does Hardwicke not have the right to try to defend himself? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/70 "2018-06-15T20:20:23Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Sure lets listen to everyone who claims they have been abused. Its the right thing to do. But shouldn’t we give the accused a forum to respond? Abusers should be punished harshly. But lets try to have a fair system where both parties can be heard. Nothing is stopping Hardwick or anyone from speaking, if they wish. What has occurred that’s not fair (aside from folks calling her names for doing nothing more than telling her story)? All she did was come forward and say “this stuff happened to me”. What are you pushing back against? > [@madsircool](#): > > What if she is making up or distorting the truth. Does Hardwicke not have the right to try to defend himself? Who is stopping him from defending himself? Who and what are you fighting? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/71 "2018-06-15T20:20:57Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I didn’t read the article, but when my (now ex) wife had anorexia, she 100% did not think like a normal person. I have two of them. Ex wives _never_ act like normal people. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/72 "2018-06-15T20:21:13Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Ok, so he says he didn’t do it, what then? what sort of evidence are you hoping to get? So lynch mob mentality, right? ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/73 "2018-06-15T20:21:56Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > So lynch mob mentality, right? What on Earth are you talking about? Who has called for a lynching, real or metaphorical, of Hardwick or anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/74 "2018-06-15T20:22:52Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Nothing is stopping Hardwick or anyone from speaking, if they wish. What has occurred that’s not fair (aside from folks calling her names for doing nothing more than telling her story)? All she did was come forward and say “this stuff happened to me”. What are you pushing back against? > > Who is stopping him from defending himself? Who and what are you fighting? This overheated atmosphere where an accusation can destroy a career and a life. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/75 "2018-06-15T20:24:26Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > What if she is making up or distorting the truth. Does Hardwicke not have the right to try to defend himself? So you do require enough and appropriate evidence before you’ll believe her. How about believing her until the accused comes up with enough evidence to counter her claim? > [@madsircool](#): > > This overheated atmosphere where an accusation can destroy a career and a life. What about her career? Implying she’s a liar without any evidence that’s she’s not being truthful could ruin her career. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/76 "2018-06-15T20:24:27Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > This overheated atmosphere where an accusation can destroy a career and a life. What does this have to do with Dykstra? All she did was tell her story. Why jump to this conclusion rather than simply wait? ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/77 "2018-06-15T20:25:55Z")
Again. If she had come out and said Hardwicke did this this and this I would view this differently. Its much less convincing making accusations without naming the accuser. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/78 "2018-06-15T20:27:44Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > So you do require enough and appropriate evidence before you’ll believe her. How about believing her until the accused comes up with enough evidence to counter her claim? > > What about her career? Implying she’s a liar without any evidence that;s she’snot being truthful could ruin her career. I would like to see some evidence before I believe either. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/79 "2018-06-15T20:27:57Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > Again. If she had come out and said Hardwicke did this this and this I would view this differently. Its much less convincing making accusations without naming the accuser. This is a choice you’re making, with no basis. All she did was say “this happened to me”. You’re making this choice to add to this giant pile of shit that makes it less likely women will come forward in the future. Why are you doing this? No one is lynching Hardwick. No one is preventing him from defending himself. All that happened is Dykstra told her story. It’s entirely up to her how to tell it, and it’s harmful to society to say that victims and survivors must tell their stories in a certain way, even if they’re not comfortable doing so. ---
**Author:** ![madsircool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madsircool/32/3432_2.png) [@madsircool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madsircool)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2018, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153/80 "2018-06-15T20:28:44Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > What does this have to do with Dykstra? All she did was tell her story. Why jump to this conclusion rather than simply wait? What does Dykstra have to do with this discussion? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-now-chris-hardwick-domestic-abuse-allegations/816153.md?page=5)