# And the absolute worst cover ever done to any hit song by professional entertainers is... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 2, 2010, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364 "2010-09-02T08:54:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/1 "2010-09-02T08:54:30Z")
Chris Kenner’s _Land of a Thousand Dances_, amended and made a hit by _Cannibal and the Headhunters_, made absolutely legendary by Wilson Pickett, then held against its will in a dungeon room, starved, reduced to a persistent vegetative state and mocked as it died by [The Lawrence Welk Show](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKw-xV_IN_I). I honestly think that it would be impossible to find professional entertainers, by which I’m not talking garage bands or some fringe group that once got paid the equivalent of twelve dollars and a free beer when they rubbed themselves in elephant excrement and shrieked a Yoko Ono number in a seedy Goth club in Whitehall for Jack the Ripper’s Anniversary, but people who actually made a living from performing and who performed before more than a few dozen people in their career, who ever performed a greater musical emetic than their performance of this song. However, if you have a contender for a worse reinterpretation of a hit, please feel free to post it. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/2 "2010-09-02T09:22:07Z")
William Shatner’s spoken word version of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. FIRST! ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/3 "2010-09-02T09:25:35Z")
Madonna - American Pie. Lock the thread now. ---
**Author:** ![multimediac17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/839c29/32.png) [@multimediac17](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/multimediac17)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/4 "2010-09-02T11:32:38Z")
Madonna’s version of American Pie is great. Different, but different doesn’t equal bad. In my opinion, of course. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/5 "2010-09-02T11:41:40Z")
[Take your pick.](http://www.pigsflycd.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/6 "2010-09-02T11:50:14Z")
[Hard to beat this series…](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kidz_Bop) ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/7 "2010-09-02T11:54:14Z")
There is one example that haunts me to this day. Back in the 60’s there was a family singing group called The Kings Singers (or maybe the King Family, I forget which.) They were this huge family group that had a variety show and split into different singing groups during the show … it was kinda like somebody sopped up the leakage from the Lawrence Welk Show. At any rate on one show they decided to do a medley of Beatles songs which was okay as each smaller group did their own thing with various songs. But then at the end, they all came together into one big group and did “Hey Jude.” Including one of the older female singers, during the closing choruses, trying to copy Paul’s vocal improvisations right down to the letter! “Hey Jude - a Jude - a Jude - a Jude - a Jude - a ooow … wha-how!” Still gives me nightmares. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/8 "2010-09-02T12:01:12Z")
The Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes” has been massacred by Limp Bizkit. (No, I won’t link to their version, and if you want to do yourself a favour, don’t search for it) ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/9 "2010-09-02T12:03:37Z")
[Under The Bridge](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA_c1o5Y95o), All Saints. And I wish death on anyone who disagrees, ok? ---
**Author:** ![multimediac17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/839c29/32.png) [@multimediac17](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/multimediac17)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/10 "2010-09-02T12:22:14Z")
Can I ask, not agreeing or disagreeing with you, what is so bad about the All Saints version of Under The Bridge to make it the worst cover ever by a professional artist? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/11 "2010-09-02T12:43:45Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Chris Kenner’s _Land of a Thousand Dances_, amended and made a hit by _Cannibal and the Headhunters_, made absolutely legendary by Wilson Pickett, then held against its will in a dungeon room, starved, reduced to a persistent vegetative state and mocked as it died by > > [The Lawrence Welk Show](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKw-xV_IN_I). The Lawrence Welk show played music that was all technique and no passion or soul. If you take a song that’s all about soul, of course they’re going to muck it up. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/12 "2010-09-02T13:49:01Z")
I wouldn’t call it the worst cover ever, but we can’t discuss bizarre Lawrence Welk moments without bringing up [this gem](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg). ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/13 "2010-09-02T14:13:37Z")
The award for the worst cover of a good song by a normally great band goes to the Smashing Pumpkins version of Landslide. I’ve heard SP do other awful covers, but this one is the worst. Mercifully, I’ve pretty much blocked out the details of the worst cover ever. It was the early 1980s and I was at a roller rink when I heard a disco version of a Pink Floyd song. I don’t recall (and don’t want to know) which song and never knew who did the murderous deed. I only heard it that one time. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/14 "2010-09-02T14:20:28Z")
Alvin and the Chipmunks, _passim_. (Though the Christmas song is an original). ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/15 "2010-09-02T14:21:54Z")
> [@DoctorJ](#): > > I wouldn’t call it the worst cover ever, but we can’t discuss bizarre Lawrence Welk moments without bringing up [this gem](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg). If I was a musician for that orchestra, I’d go home and drink heavily to ease the karmic pain. I can imagine most of the players calling their agents after every performance: :: phone rings, agent Morty picks up:: AM: “Hello.” ::quiet sobbing on line:: AM: “Hello? Hello?” ::deep, shuddering breath, sniffles, resumed sobbing:: AM: “Alex? Alex, is that you?” ::nose blowing:: “Ah Christ, I can’t take it, Morty.” AM: “What, this again. Buck up, Alex.” Alex: “You don’t understand, Morty. He made us play _In A Gadda Da Vida_ while those two chirpy assholes sang and those two grinning morons danced. And the bridge, Morty, the bridge. . .ah Christ. . .” AM: “What about the bridge, Alex? How bad could it be?” Alex: It was Myron, Morty. Fucking Myron and that goddamned accordian. He did a polka riff, Morty: _a fucking polka riff_!" AM: “Calm down Alex.” Alex: “You gotta get me another gig, man. I swear to god, if I have to play one more Metallica song in waltz tempo, I’m buying a shotgun.” ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/16 "2010-09-02T14:41:47Z")
**Frankie Goes to Hollywood** butchering _Born to Run._ They should have been arrested. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/17 "2010-09-02T14:53:24Z")
> [@palindromemordnilap](#): > > The award for the worst cover of a good song by a normally great band goes to the Smashing Pumpkins version of Landslide. I’ve heard SP do other awful covers, but this one is the worst. > > Mercifully, I’ve pretty much blocked out the details of the worst cover ever. It was the early 1980s and I was at a roller rink when I heard a disco version of a Pink Floyd song. I don’t recall (and don’t want to know) which song and never knew who did the murderous deed. I only heard it that one time. I’m kind of with you. It wasn’t the early 80’s, and it wasn’t a roller rink, but this disco hatchet job of Comfortably Numb is the worst cover ever. Scissors Sisters can go on to cure cancer and find homes for every stray animal on the planet, but they will still be guilty of this [crime against humanity](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lsCEgcRozY). What the hell was Waters thinking when he said “Sure, that sounds like a wonderful idea for a cover, and you are just the ones to do it!” Is money that tight for him? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/18 "2010-09-02T14:57:01Z")
I met some of the Lawrence Welk performers through a friend, and they were The. Creepiest. People. All big fake smiles and perfect makeup and exactly correct fashion… with so much seething psychic angst and bitterness underneath it all, that it actually haunts me to this day. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/19 "2010-09-02T15:41:18Z")
The **Golden Throats** series gets a prize for this sort of thing. On the first album they have Jack Webb – “Mr. Warmth” himself from _Dragnet_ rex-harrison-speaking a version of “Try a Little Tenderness” that makes you wish for those refueling bombers from _Dr. Strangelove_. But I think it’s beat out for Worst Cover by Andy Griffith’s rendition of _House of the Rising Sun_ (also on the first Golden Throats album). They changed the lyrics so much that you have no conception of what the song is supposed to be about, because good ol’ Sheriff Andy couldn’t _possibly_ be singing about a House of Ill Repute. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364/20 "2010-09-02T15:46:38Z")
Golden Throats albums: > **[Golden Throats](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Throats)** > > Golden Throats is Rhino Records' series of humorous compilations of critically lambasted cover versions of songs, performed mostly either by celebrities known for something other than musical talent or musicians not known for the genre from which the song they are covering comes. > For example, William Shatner sings (or, more precisely, does a dramatic reading of the lyrics to) "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," Leonard Nimoy sings "If I Had a Hammer," and Muhammad Ali sings "Stand by Me." Other e... Actually, I don’t think Jim Nabors – quite a good singer, and the song is in his genre – or Muhammed Ali – who does a pretty good job – really belong on the collection. But their personae make their songs curiousities. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-absolute-worst-cover-ever-done-to-any-hit-song-by-professional-entertainers-is/552364.md?page=2)