# And the award for stupidest malady goes to...SWIDDLES!!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-award-for-stupidest-malady-goes-to-swiddles/44247>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [December 6, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-award-for-stupidest-malady-goes-to-swiddles/44247 "2000-12-06T02:55:03Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![KimKatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ac91a4/32.png) [@KimKatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KimKatt)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-award-for-stupidest-malady-goes-to-swiddles/44247/21 "2000-12-06T19:52:30Z")

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“The drive-by shootings in this neighbourhood are getting too darned close for comfort.”

“That’s the last time I say ‘You want a piece of me??’ in a bar fight.”

“I was demonstrating the ‘balance-the-treat-on-your-nose’ trick for the family dog, and well…”

“It’s the latest in natural-looking nose rings.” Or, “The nose ring just doesn’t seem to be healing quite right.” Or, “What, isn’t my nose ring there???”

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**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-award-for-stupidest-malady-goes-to-swiddles/44247/22 "2000-12-06T19:54:24Z")

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“Tried to hotglue a bindi on, and it slipped”

“Wanted my nose pierced, but not on the nostril side like every one else.”

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**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-award-for-stupidest-malady-goes-to-swiddles/44247/23 "2000-12-06T20:31:15Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> And what exactly, käraste, is a Swedish chainsaw?!

There has been several mentions on this board about an alleged Swedish company selling chainsaws in the United States. Supposedly, the original Swedish instructions were only half a page long, but the American manual ran dozens of pages because it included liability warnings such as “Warning: Do not stop moving blade with hands or genitals.”

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**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\
**Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-award-for-stupidest-malady-goes-to-swiddles/44247/24 "2000-12-06T20:37:55Z")

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And if you’re looking to gross someone out:

“I was attacked by Count Mucus, Dark Lord of the Snot Vampires.”

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