# And the most homoerotic movie ever made is... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 19, 2008, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571 "2008-08-19T17:30:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2008, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/121 "2008-08-23T17:51:11Z")
[QUOTE=Miss Mapp] What about _Lawrence of Arabia_? Or is that too “text”? [/QUOTE] It’s pretty “text.” ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/122 "2008-10-19T05:11:54Z")
_Death Race_ is definitely the gayest non-gay movie I’ve seen recently. Hear me out. First of all, it’s set in prison. Our heavily-tattooed hero, Jensen, is doing time for a murder he didn’t commit. His main rival in the titular race is Machinegun Joe, who’s “one angry homo” played by the smoldering Tyrese. The eyefuckage in this movie is truly ridiculous. Joe even has a cutesy pet name for Jensen – “Igor”. And (are you ready for this?) at the end of the movie they escape the prison, RUN AWAY TOGETHER TO MEXICO, and RAISE JENSEN’S BABY. Case, who’s basically a walking pair of tits, reappears at the end, presumably to cool down the homoeroticism, but instead she just makes me think ‘threesome’. ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/123 "2008-10-19T17:19:51Z")
[Midnight Cowboy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midnight_Cowboy), though it just barely squeeks by “text” into “subtext”. Excellent movie, by the way. For the record, you can’t really blame the producers for the verbal homophobia in **300**. That’s all from the original graphic novel by Frank “Mr. Manly Far-right Nutjob Homophobe” Miller. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/124 "2008-10-19T18:28:55Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > _Death Race_ is definitely the gayest non-gay movie I’ve seen recently. Hear me out. > > First of all, it’s set in prison. Our heavily-tattooed hero, Jensen, is doing time for a murder he didn’t commit. His main rival in the titular race is Machinegun Joe, who’s “one angry homo” played by the smoldering Tyrese. The eyefuckage in this movie is truly ridiculous. Joe even has a cutesy pet name for Jensen – “Igor”. And (are you ready for this?) at the end of the movie they escape the prison, RUN AWAY TOGETHER TO MEXICO, and RAISE JENSEN’S BABY. Case, who’s basically a walking pair of tits, reappears at the end, presumably to cool down the homoeroticism, but instead she just makes me think ‘threesome’. Old version or new version? I haven’t seen either one, I don’t think. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/125 "2008-10-19T18:41:16Z")
> [@Terminus\_Est](#): > > Note to self: Under no circumstances should one do a Google image search for “Daniel Craig” if SafeSearch is turned off. Especially at work. Ooh! I see what you mean. However, it’s a nice treat for my Sunday morning surfing. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/126 "2008-10-19T22:03:03Z")
What, **Thelma and Louise** doesn’t cut it for you? Subtext: men are nice, but you wouldn’t drive off a cliff for them. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/127 "2008-10-19T23:10:36Z")
OK, so basically anything with Keanu Reeves, Val Kilmer, or Mel Gibson is assumed homoerotic until proved otherwise… as is anything with a lot of ancient Romans or Greeks. Got it. 🙂 And here was me thinking that 300 Spartan warriors were sometimes just ummm… 300 Spartan warriors… ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2008, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/128 "2008-10-19T23:20:09Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > And here was me thinking that 300 Spartan warriors were sometimes just ummm… 300 Spartan warriors… Sometimes they are. But not in _300_. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/129 "2008-10-20T00:17:14Z")
120 plus replies and no one’s mentioned _Shane_ yet? ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/130 "2008-10-20T00:26:09Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I always thought there was something going on between Ripley and Winonna Rider’s character in _Alien IV: Resurrection_. Oh, hell yes. I’ll add in one that is pretty obscure: [Leeches!](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0339288/) High school swim team attacked by leeches on steroids (I Am Not Making This Up). Lots of long, lingering, slow-mo shots of buff guys in Speedos. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/131 "2008-10-20T00:55:13Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Old version or new version? I haven’t seen either one, I don’t think. That’s the new version. (At least the old version didn’t have any thing like that in the plot I remember.) ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/132 "2008-10-20T00:56:49Z")
“The Outlaw.” It was all about hot young Billy the Kid getting between the gay relationship between Pat Garrett and Doc Holliday. Jane Russell was just Holliday’s beard … a spectacular beard, but still a beard. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/133 "2008-10-20T01:11:44Z")
> [@Evil\_Captor](#): > > “The Outlaw.” It was all about hot young Billy the Kid getting between the gay relationship between Pat Garrett and Doc Holliday. Jane Russell was just Holliday’s beard … a spectacular beard, but still a beard. Which reminds me of _Young Guns_– all the purty boy gunslingers. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/134 "2008-10-20T01:18:23Z")
The 1975 version of _Death Race 2000_ had a gay director, Paul Bartel. ---
**Author:** ![Euthanasiast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Euthanasiast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euthanasiast)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/135 "2008-10-20T02:13:02Z")
I know it’s been said about a thousand times, but I have to mention 300 again, because seriously, this is the most crammed, jammed and rammed collection of homoerotic imagery splashed on celluloid in the history of film, and with movies like **Top Gun** , and \*\*Interview With a Vampire \*\*out there, that’s saying a lot. Every thirty seconds we are gang raped by gay imagery. Walls of rolling men, sweating rivulets of mineral oil over and in between miles of hard man-meat separated by canals your tongue would almost certainly become wedged in (like the scene in **A Christmas Story** with that long hard pole) if you hazard to wager taking such a chance. There are scenes where men look knowingly and longingly into each other’s eyes and down at their meat-whistles, like they’re just vibrating in angst, waiting for the moment where they are certain enough that the other is willing and bracing to have his ass pounded like a narc at a biker rally, or hoping for the moment when another slow motion, flying teabag will come in from out of the frame and blast them right in the face like that basketball scene in **Along Came Polly**. Men, wearing nothing but sandals, capes and bulging diapers with skid marks in the front. Those pulsing diapers are so jam packed with bangers and mash that you’d swear you discovered the location they were keeping their helmets all along. “Spartans! Tonight we dine on tube steak!” General rule of thumb: If the bulk of your film budget is spent on baby oil, Speedos and consulting fees paid to the cast of **Queer Guy For The Brown Eye** , or whatever the hell you call it, then your film is pretty freakin’ gay. Seriously, if you’re a straight guy, and you sit through a homo-thon of **The 300** , \*\*Top Gun \*\*and **Interview With A Vampire** , then later find yourself in a room full of naked men screaming, “_Poke my in my jellyfish ass_!” then you deserve a pass for that shit, 'cause your senses were completely drowned in unremitting, pants-soaking, decrotchifying homoeroticism gone supernova all over your face. I need a cigarette. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/136 "2008-10-20T02:21:53Z")
> [@Euthanasiast](#): > > I know it’s been said about a thousand times, but I have to mention 300 again \, > > Seriously, if you’re a straight guy, and you sit through a homo-thon of **The 300** , \*\*Top Gun \*\*and **Interview With A Vampire** , then later find yourself in a room full of naked men screaming, “_Poke my in my jellyfish ass_!” then you deserve a pass for that shit, 'cause your senses were completely drowned in unremitting, pants-soaking, decrotchifying homoeroticism gone supernova all over your face. > > I need a cigarette. You know what? You need to join the Marine Corps, and tell all your hot man buddies how homo they are. ---
**Author:** ![Merhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Merhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/137 "2008-10-20T02:30:57Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > You know what? You need to join the Marine Corps, and tell all your hot man buddies how homo they are. Screw that. I think I need to buy 300 😃 ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/138 "2008-10-20T02:42:41Z")
> [@Merhouse](#): > > Screw that. I think I need to buy 300 😃 Go for it. Hot guys. I can do without **Euthanasiast’s** being gang raped by gay imagery. She protesteth too much. ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/139 "2008-10-20T03:48:31Z")
I still haven’t watched 300 because the trailers were gay enough to make me squirm. The _Road Warrior_ depicted a post-apocalyptic outback as one huge leather bar, but I came here to mention _The Fellowship of the Ring_. The loving friendships between Frodo & Sam, Pippin & Merry, Legolas & Gimli. Boromir got teh gay for Aragorn, as did Haldir later in the Two Towers. Hugo Weaving’s eyebrows twitching while he and Gandalf speak in private, Gandalf and Saroman split up in a huge spectacular fight, after which Saroman told his army of big sweaty muscular orcs: “You will taste _manflesh_!” ---
**Author:** ![DarRRva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/53a042/32.png) [@DarRRva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarRRva)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571/140 "2008-10-20T05:43:31Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I always thought there was something going on between Ripley and Winonna Rider’s character in _Alien IV: Resurrection_. I was just going to say that too, in response to the fact that there have been a lot of male homoerotic films mentioned, but almost no female. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-homoerotic-movie-ever-made-is/460571.md?page=8)