# And the most useless officer in the entire British Army is.... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 19, 2007, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840 "2007-02-19T18:39:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/1 "2007-02-19T18:39:50Z")
His Royal Highness Prince Dumbass, who is going to “deploy” to Iraq any day now. And by “deploy,” I mean “travel there with bodyguards after a security team has wasted tons of British money making sure it’s safe and that there is an ample supply of silk toilet paper to tend to His Highness’s supple white ass.” OK, fine. I get that by virtue of having dropped out of a particular Royal Vagina, this dude is an Important Political Figure. I don’t pretend to understand the Brits or their stone-aged traditions, so whatever. And he seems to want to do _something_ useful, but he can’t, because if they give him a rifle he might shoot it and the bullet would ricochet off one of those rock-hard stale English biscuits and skin his knee. So why the hell is he wasting all these damn resources and distracting the real British troops from their jobs in such a useless manner? He should take a lesson from his grandma, who drove and fixed cars during WWII and could probably still run circles around anyone with a wrench. OK, granted, they didn’t let women fight during WWII. But at least with a wrench, His Royal Uselessness wouldn’t need bodyguards. As long as they kept him away from the pneumatic air-gun thingy. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/2 "2007-02-19T18:45:34Z")
Where does it say that he’ll have bodyguards? Where does it say that he’ll be treated differently than any other soldier? Sending spare princelings into battle is not without precedent. Prince Harry’s brother [Andrew](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Andrew) served as a helicopter pilot with the Royal Navy during the Falklands War. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/3 "2007-02-19T18:51:13Z")
[QUOTE=Terminus Est] Where does it say that he’ll have bodyguards? Where does it say that he’ll be treated differently than any other soldier? [/QUOTE] [Here](http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/02/19/harry.iraq/index.html). I meant to put the link in the OP but I forgot because I am of common blood. > [@CNN](#): > > The British police protection officer responsible for Prince Harry has flown to Iraq to begin making security arrangements for the royal soldier’s deployment to Iraq amid fears for his safety, according to British press reports. > > The Daily Mail newspaper claimed the prince is already referred to as a “bullet magnet” by fellow soldiers as his Blues and Royals regiment prepares for an anticipated six-month tour of Iraq. > … > One royal source told the newspaper it was a “distinct possibility” that Metropolitan Police representatives would continue to oversee Harry’s security amid military concerns he could become a target for insurgents. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/4 "2007-02-19T18:51:48Z")
Meh. It’s all just stuff that’s expected of him. He’ll come back fine and ready to light up the tabloids with illicit affairs and latent homosexuality. It’s not as if any of this really matters. He’ll never command the British military or serve in any position of political relevance. The prominence of the royal family is entirely vestigial. It’s accepted affectionately by the people as a curiosity or mascot of sorts. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/5 "2007-02-19T18:56:17Z")
[QUOTE=Hung Mung] Meh. It’s all just stuff that’s expected of him. He’ll come back fine and ready to light up the tabloids with illicit affairs and latent homosexuality. It’s not as if any of this really matters. He’ll never command the British military or serve in any position of political relevance. The prominence of the royal family is entirely vestigial. It’s accepted affectionately by the people as a curiosity or mascot of sorts. [/QUOTE] I’m fine with all that. It’s the fact that he seems to be willing to needlessly endanger British troops and divert resources with his presence that pisses me off. Like I said, he could probably do useful work in the military with a Royal Desk Job without screwing anyone over. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/6 "2007-02-19T18:56:36Z")
I hope the Brits will take a lesson from the US — do _not_ invest Head of State and Head of Government in the same person. Be grateful for your Queen. She can do no real harm. If Bush were just our Head of State, the stuff he does would be merely funny. ---
**Author:** ![kellner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c2a13f/32.png) [@kellner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellner)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/7 "2007-02-19T18:59:58Z")
Do you think the same about [Prince Andrew’s](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Andrew%2C_Duke_of_York) service in the Falklands War? (At the time he was number three in the line of succession, just like Harry today.) Edit: I’m a bit late. Ignore me. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/8 "2007-02-19T19:00:00Z")
:smack: Uncle! Prince Andrew is Prince Harry’s _uncle_. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/9 "2007-02-19T19:00:49Z")
[QUOTE=Liberal] I hope the Brits will take a lesson from the US — do _not_ invest Head of State and Head of Government in the same person. Be grateful for your Queen. She can do no real harm. If Bush were just our Head of State, the stuff he does would be merely funny. [/QUOTE] You really are the King of useless posts about nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/10 "2007-02-19T19:35:35Z")
I think his goint to Iraq is a good thing, _in the long run_. He will get a priceless experience from which he will be able to advise future Prime Ministers. Just imagine a future Tony Blair discussing a future Iraq-style venture with him (the PM has regular chats with the Monarch). Provided he has his grandmother’s deft hand, he’ll be a real asset to the country. Paradoxically, he’ll be safer over there than if he were an ordinary member of the public over here: the road deaths in Britain are an order of magnitude greater than the deaths of British soldiers in Iraq. But I’m going to put my conspiracy hat on: the real reason he’s being allowed to go is because we’re going to be pulling out. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/11 "2007-02-19T19:54:15Z")
I harbor certain doubts that the Iraqi people will hold it against Prince Harry if he actually doesn’t do anything while he’s over there. ---
**Author:** ![PastAllReason](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f07891/32.png) [@PastAllReason](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PastAllReason)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/12 "2007-02-19T20:10:01Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] I think his goint to Iraq is a good thing, _in the long run_. He will get a priceless experience from which he will be able to advise future Prime Ministers. Just imagine a future Tony Blair discussing a future Iraq-style venture with him (the PM has regular chats with the Monarch). Provided he has his grandmother’s deft hand, he’ll be a real asset to the country. Paradoxically, he’ll be safer over there than if he were an ordinary member of the public over here: the road deaths in Britain are an order of magnitude greater than the deaths of British soldiers in Iraq. But I’m going to put my conspiracy hat on: the real reason he’s being allowed to go is because we’re going to be pulling out. [/QUOTE] Unless something happens to William, it’s unlikely that Harry, being third in line for the throne, will ever be giving any kind of advice to a Prime Minister. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/13 "2007-02-19T20:16:22Z")
I see the OP’er’s point, but I also think the guy is damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. If he agreed not to go to Iraq, to take alternate duty, no doubt that would be “special treatment” and he would be a coward. It’s not his fault that other people have invested him with some degree of specialness, so I give him credit for wanting to serve his country as best he can, in the same way other people his age are doing. It puts him lightyears in front of the Bush daughters. ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/14 "2007-02-19T20:20:09Z")
Hey, I know, let’s just not have this stupid war in Iraq anyways, and then it won’t matter what Prince Harry does. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/15 "2007-02-19T20:28:09Z")
[QUOTE=waterj2] Hey, I know, let’s just not have this stupid war in Iraq anyways, and then it won’t matter what Prince Harry does. [/QUOTE] As long as we’re asking for things, I’d like a million bucks. No? Damn. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/16 "2007-02-19T20:38:10Z")
[QUOTE=friedo] You really are the King of useless posts about nothing. [/QUOTE] I appreciated Liberal’s post. As for the OP, I think it’s pretty weak. I doubt very much that Prince Harry is really going to be causing any significant troubles. Considering how often the royal family goes hunting, I also suspect that he is actually skilled with firearms; also I doubt his military training kept him away from such in the first place. I hope it turns out to be a healthy, maturing experience for him. This OP really has very little going for it. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/17 "2007-02-19T20:40:26Z")
[QUOTE=Hung Mung] As long as we’re asking for things, I’d like a million bucks. No? Damn. [/QUOTE] You can have it, but you have to take a number and get in line. Yes, that line over there. The one stretching out the door and down the street and through the parking lot and over the bridge and… ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/18 "2007-02-19T21:36:36Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] Paradoxically, he’ll be safer over there than if he were an ordinary member of the public over here: the road deaths in Britain are an order of magnitude greater than the deaths of British soldiers in Iraq. [/QUOTE] Huh? About 130 deaths in four years in Iraq, among about 9,000 troops. That’s about one in 300 per year. Meanwhile road deaths in Britain are about 3,500 per year, which is more like one in 20,000. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/19 "2007-02-19T22:11:49Z")
[QUOTE=PastAllReason] Unless something happens to William, it’s unlikely that Harry, being third in line for the throne, will ever be giving any kind of advice to a Prime Minister. [/QUOTE] You never know. Apart from succeeding William, if William is temporarily incapacitated, Harry might become Regent. ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2007, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840/20 "2007-02-19T22:23:00Z")
[QUOTE=Quartz] You never know. Apart from succeeding William, if William is temporarily incapacitated, Harry might become Regent. [/QUOTE] Only if William’s kids aren’t yet 18 (and there is precedent for a Royal Consort serving as regent). And while the Queen served in ATS for a few months (when the war in Europe was nearly over) she was not treated like the other women. Instead of living in barracks she was chauffered home to Windsor Castle every night. The other women she trained with were handpicked based on how well they could be trusted to behave themselves with the princess and they’d already been through the same training (HRH didn’t know this) and where even coached to ask questions at certain points to give the illusion intact. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-most-useless-officer-in-the-entire-british-army-is/392840.md?page=2)