# And the neurotic frenchie wins AGAIN! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552 "2004-10-22T04:01:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/1 "2004-10-22T04:01:15Z")
I just finished watched Animal Planet’s Eukanuba’s Dog Show Competition. For reasons that I cannot comprehend, I love watching dog shows on TV. The pithy little comments, the way the handlers all say their breed is _the best_, the ill fitting Modern Nun collection clothing on the female handlers, hideously bad horrendously ugly shoes from Payless’ Tired Old Feet Collection ™ trotting next to dogs that are worth more than my current three cars combined. Perhaps it is the hope that one day I will join the elite dog world and enter my dog into some Dog Beauty Pageant. Mind you, she is 9 years old, rather portly and her halitosis would knock a judge flat on their back. But my dog has more personality and charisma in her poop that this years Best In Show Winner. I know, I’ve wiped loads of her charisma off the bottom of my shoes. But, why would anyone enter a dog show to hope to win their breed when invariably it will end up going to one of three breeds: Standard Poodle, Toy Poodle and Family Sedan Poodle with an entertainment system? All the years I have haphazardly watched these shows, the freaking poodle wins. Every year I think,\* Hah, that poodle looks like it is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.\* and I hope it just lays down in a fit of performance anxiety, leaving the handler to drag her by the leash through it’s paces. I can hear the commentary now: \*“Oh, it looks like ‘Aurora’s Dawnstar Moonlight Enema’ is breaking form and…yes, after 376 straight Best In Show Wins the dog has finally emotionally snapped.” “Too bad, too. Look the Handler is brought out her favorite squeaky toy but its just now making ‘Aurora’s Dawnstar Moonlight Enema’ perk up. Such a shame.” “I wonder who will the judge pick now.” " Probably the Pekinese. It has the same level of uselessness and insane fur coat puffery that makes it waddle like a troll with a sinus infection on the concourse. It’s always a crowd favorite." “Yes it is. It’s been the Runner’s up to the poodle for the last 27 years.” “That win by Sir Cuddlkins, a pekinese won only because the Neopolotian Mastiff, Herr Sheissemeister, sat on the presumed champion, Percy Pussypants Nancyboy PuffyShirt, the toy poodle from Nottingham, England. It was a big upset that year.” “The last time a poodle of any class: small, medium and convertible, didn’t win was when the German Shepard, Rottweiler and Doberman Pinscher took out the French Connection in those dark days of 1939.” \* Why can’t a decent dog that actually has any freaking worth in the real world win the Big Title? Labrador Retrievers are hunting dogs, companion dogs, helping dogs and just big all around great dogs. Little scottish terriers are fiercely loyal, not at all irritating like the standard ankle biters and never ever look like they need a lithium to start their day. Newfoundlands are huge lumbering masses of cuddliness that double as swimming barges and a playscape for the kids to pounce on. Australian Cattle Dogs could run our country better and weird out any Al Queda operative with their non blinking stare. A bloodhounds sense of smell is so acute they can smell a dead body under 30 feet of water. Hell, even the high maintence Afghan’s with their flowing locks look so serene as they float down the runway. If the dogs we like a representation of our inner mental health? Then what does it mean that if the number one registered breed in our country is the Yellow Lab, a mellow faithful versital companion loses year after year to a dog whose alter ego on screen could be Woody Allen? How humilitating is that? Basenji’s, though relatively unknown still, are barkless, don’t shed and yodel. Do poodles yodel? A dachund can easily take home the Neurotic Weiner Dog department at least can dive into a burrow to flush out moles or something if the average Human Male didn’t take perverse pleasere in using landmines and laser tracking devices to get rid of any rodents or crab grass. What have the Poodles done to make this world a better place besides showcase rhinestone collars? Poodles are to the dog world what California & Texas are to the Miss America Pageant. Always in the top two finalists. Oh sure, once in awhile there will be a Miss Florida or Miss Georgia. Maybe even a Miss Michigan to throw everyone off, but inevitably, it is a guarantee that a Ms. California/Texas will be in the top ten and eventually in the top five, cleaning up in the swimsuit department. I have first hand knowledge of poodles and our late, beloved minature black poodle, named Count, would roll over in his grave and lick himself if he could see these pathetic examples of poodleness out there whoring themselves. Ok,maybe that was a bad mental image of poodle porn. But Count, all 16 pounds of him, liked everyone except the Meter Reader Guy, whom gave out Creepy Guy Vibes to every housewife and kid. This was back in the day when you had the same milk man, same mail man, same repair guy for twenty five years and you were all on a first name basis with eveyrone in their family. Releasing our dignified furball after the meter reader and watching Count growl fiercely after this man as he tried to do his job, was a sheer and perverse pleasure and fond memory of my childhood. I cannot picture one of these prancing, prissy, perfectly useless POODLES chasing the meter reader down the street to the next house. Along time ago poodles were used for hunting and were excellent swimmers. Can you picture Fifi laying by the fire with her owner pointing proudly to the grizzly head on the wall, " Yeah, my Fif…she grabbed that bar by its neck and snapped it like it was uncooked s’getti. Saved my life …" Ok, they didn’t hunt big game, but more along the lines of fowl. I still can’t picture Mimi, the poodle, jumping into a bay of water to retreive a dead duck. " Monsiuer, thees iz not zee zouth ov Frahnce…It iz Novembree…in Meechighan…Ahr You Insane?!." Why don’t they just hand out the award to the poodle before the handlers even unpack their dogs from their crates? It would even out the odds in Vegas and make for some real drama as we watch the losers compete for _Bridesmaid Award_. Something all of us can identify with. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/2 "2004-10-22T04:07:43Z")
Poodles are wonderful dogs, but the fucking assholes in these shows mutilate their coats and make them into fucking indescribably ugly monstrosities. Regular poodles, owned by people who actually _like_ dogs instead of treating them like antique furniture, are playful, friendly and adorable. I despise dogs shows and everyone involved with them for what they put the animals through. And I hate Boston Terriers. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/3 "2004-10-22T11:35:33Z")
Why do you hate Boston Terriers? Did your Great Aunt Edna’s boston terrier dry hump your leg when you were little? The more traumatic reasoning the more WE (meaning me) wants to hear it! ---
**Author:** ![Metacom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/4 "2004-10-22T12:25:17Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > But, why would anyone enter a dog show to hope to win their breed when invariably it will end up going to one of three breeds: Standard Poodle, Toy Poodle and Family Sedan Poodle with an entertainment system? Realize that the vast majority of people who enter dog shows are there to compete at the breed level, not the group or BIS level. Most people with a dog entered are only interested in “finishing” it, or earning a championship. They show primarily to ensure that their animal is good breeding stock (not necessarily because they’re going to breed it–a champion reflects well on the lines it came from, even if it’s not going to be used in a breeding program), and to socialize with others in their breed. They go to a show hoping to beat other non-champions in their own breed to earn points towards a championship (their are other ways to earn points, i.e., by getting Best of Breed, a Group win, or BIS, but those are less common wins–Group and BIS are _much_ less common). There _is_ a group that goes to dog shows primarily to compete at a higher level–they typically have “specials,” or finished dogs (i.e., dogs that already have a championship). They go to shows knowing they have a good chance of winning their breed and going on to Group, which is what they go to the shows for. Group wins are used to rank the champions within a breed, and are all about prestige. Specialing a dog can be _very_ expensive, and is much less common then simply trying to finish a dog. To summarize: the people who enter dog shows to compete at the BIS level are a tiny minority of the people who enter dog shows. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/5 "2004-10-22T12:28:08Z")
Sounds like you’re barking mad, Shirley. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/6 "2004-10-22T13:08:44Z")
> [@Priam](#): > > Sounds like you’re barking mad, Shirley. Well, yes, I have been called that on occassion. ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/7 "2004-10-22T13:15:07Z")
:Claps: Wonderful rant Shirley! ``` Despite my deep seated lothing for the AKC, I do like to watch dog shows. I have also wondered why there always has to be a poodle in the finals, seems like there must be a rule in the judge's secret handbook about this or something. Then there is the show cut tha poodles and only poodles ore subject to. I have always suspected that the person who designed this cut was someone woh secretly hated the breed and wanted them to look as silly as possable. ``` ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/8 "2004-10-22T13:57:32Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I"That win by Sir Cuddlkins, a pekinese won only because the Neopolotian Mastiff, Herr Sheissemeister, sat on the presumed champion, Percy Pussypants Nancyboy PuffyShirt, the toy poodle from Nottingham, England. It was a big upset that year." The only dog that ever bit me was a Pekinese. This has given me a life long licence to call them horrible little fuckers! Ok so I was playing with his ponsy little ears, but he latched onto my nose! Fuckers! > [@](#): > > Why can’t a decent dog that actually has any freaking worth in the real world > win the Big Title? Labrador Retrievers are hunting dogs, companion dogs, helping dogs and just big all around great dogs. Labs can’t win untill the judges start bribing with food. Labs don’t care if their person wins some naff cup. It’s all about the food man. > [@](#): > > Little scottish terriers are fiercely loyal, not at all irritating like the standard ankle biters and never ever look like they need a lithium to start their day. The Scottish are too tight to bribe the judges. 😃 > [@](#): > > Newfoundlands are huge lumbering masses of cuddliness that double as swimming barges and a playscape for the kids to pounce on. One word…DROOL. Enough drool to fill the pool for that swimming barge. > [@](#): > > Australian Cattle Dogs could run our country better and weird out any Al Queda operative with their non blinking stare. I would love to tell you why Aussies don’t blink, but I don’t want to start an across ditch war. Oooooooooh you meant the dogs. > [@](#): > > A bloodhounds sense of smell is so acute they can smell a dead body under 30 feet of water. The bodies don’t show up untill after the poodle wins. > [@](#): > > Hell, even the high maintence Afghan’s with their flowing locks look so serene as they float down the runway. They are as mad as March hares though. > [@](#): > > If the dogs we like a representation of our inner mental health? Then what does it mean that if the number one registered breed in our country is the Yellow Lab, a mellow faithful versital companion loses year after year to a dog whose alter ego on screen could be Woody Allen? > > How humilitating is that? Ask that question again after the election 😃 > [@](#): > > I have first hand knowledge of poodles and our late, beloved minature black poodle, named Count, would roll over in his grave and lick himself if he could see these pathetic examples of poodleness out there whoring themselves. Ok,maybe that was a bad mental image of poodle porn. > > But Count, all 16 pounds of him, liked everyone except the Meter Reader Guy, whom gave out Creepy Guy Vibes to every housewife and kid. This was back in the day when you had the same milk man, same mail man, same repair guy for twenty five years and you were all on a first name basis with eveyrone in their family. Releasing our dignified furball after the meter reader and watching Count growl fiercely after this man as he tried to do his job, was a sheer and perverse pleasure and fond memory of my childhood. I think we owned the same poodle. Well except our’s was a female called Jeannie. She never had a poodle cut in her 21 years. She looked like a black sheep (before shearing). She loathed the milk boy and would have tried to eat him if not restrained. She was blind for her last 3 years and was still in charge of everyone (including the cat). She never had a prancing prissy day in her life. You haven’t lived till you have seen eel vs poodle war! I Can’t own a dog at the moment (landlord thing) but mum has an Airedale who is a flaming great wuss. Jeannie could have kicked her arse. Actually Jeannie regularly scared the shit out of the doberman up the road. Death to poodle wussifiers! ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/9 "2004-10-22T15:11:59Z")
You’re absolutely right. Every year, it’s the damn poodles. And I ask you, why not the noble pug? Tell me [this](http://members.cox.net/maxtorque/thepug.jpg) doesn’t deserve to win a major canine competition! Apart from the fact that she’s totally undisciplined and won’t sit still for a brushing, of course… ---
**Author:** ![Balduran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cc9497/32.png) [@Balduran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balduran)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/10 "2004-10-22T15:18:21Z")
Instead of the dogs walking around a track, I think they should be driven. Then they could be judged on how well their heads hang out the window. Bonus points if their tongues are flapping in the wind. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/11 "2004-10-22T15:20:43Z")
> [@Max Torque](#): > > And I ask you, why not the noble pug? 'Cause they’re quite possibly the fartiest dogs on Og’s green earth? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/12 "2004-10-22T15:25:50Z")
> [@](#): > > For reasons that I cannot comprehend, I love watching dog shows on TV. > > The pithy little comments, the way the handlers all say their breed is the best, the ill fitting Modern Nun collection clothing on the female handlers, hideously bad horrendously ugly shoes from Payless’ Tired Old Feet Collection ™ trotting next to dogs that are worth more than my current three cars combined. It’s like we were separated at birth. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/13 "2004-10-22T15:48:38Z")
“Herr Sheissemeister” 😛 This alone is worth the price of admission. Thanks Shirley! And you know if you haven’t seen “Best in Show” already, you must rent it posthaste. And while I do like poodles (the larger ones anyway - we had a toy poodle when I was a kid who was about as neurotic as they come), I agree that they have had their day and it is time to step aside and let some other breeds have the spotlight. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/14 "2004-10-22T18:25:49Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > 'Cause they’re quite possibly the fartiest dogs on Og’s green earth? 😃 Perhaps. Or the 12-month-long shedding season. Still, they just have so much personality. How can you say no to that face? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/15 "2004-10-22T18:39:58Z")
My grandmother’s dog completed at the BIS level and won, and he wasn’t a poodle. He was a [Bull Terrier](http://fnp_dogs.tripod.com/dogs/dog52.jpg) Perhaps this whole Ontario pit bull ban thing is a Poodle owner conspiracy 'cus they’re still pissed… ---
**Author:** ![Terrorcotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@Terrorcotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrorcotta)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/16 "2004-10-22T18:45:25Z")
I grew up with a Standard Family Size Sedan Poodle. Delightful ol’ girl. She was a pretty relaxed dog, not too much trouble - until the thunderstorms started. This silly animal once tried to claw her way through a solid wood door. But the worst thing we ever did to her was turn her over to a Doggie Salon where they gave her the full frou-frou cut, blow-out and finish. I swear to Og that poor animal was blushing and embarrassed for two days until the hairspray wore off. Sorry, Tallulah! ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/17 "2004-10-22T19:05:55Z")
Didn’t the Bichon Frise win the Eukanuba last year? And yes, I’m quite sure I fucked that spelling _all_ up. Anyway, I’m with ya. I hate the goddamn AKC and everything they stand for, but I can’t resist watching those shows. It’s the one place you’ll see that many beautiful dogs across such a wide spectrum in one place. I try not to watch them, really I do. I really try, and then some huge, adorable mutt will show up on my screen and I’m hooked. Sigh. Ingrid would kill me if she ever saw this post. Ah, well. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/18 "2004-10-22T19:09:41Z")
Where’s a Hypno-Toad when you really need one? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/19 "2004-10-22T19:32:26Z")
The explanation I heard for the cut that a show poodle has to put up with is as follows. As has been said, poodles were once bred to be water retrievers. They have a very dense coat actually, and when it becomes water logged it takes a long time to dry, keeping them chilled. But if it was cut all over they’d be too cold in the water. Now, if you notice, the poufy parts of the cut are at the joints, ear tips, scalp, shoulders and so so. Keeps the flexing parts covered up and insulated. Of course if a hunter was still _using_ a poodle the cut would be not as froo-froo as that of a show dog. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552/20 "2004-10-22T22:52:08Z")
> [@chatelaine](#): > > Didn’t the Bichon Frise win the Eukanuba last year? And yes, I’m quite sure I fucked that spelling _all_ up. Bichon Frise is correct, and yes, PaRay’s Propaganda – call name “Porter” won the Eukanuba last year. My Bichon, Spunky, thought that was the best thing he ever saw. > [@Baker](#): > > The explanation I heard for the cut that a show poodle has to put up with is as follows. > > As has been said, poodles were once bred to be water retrievers. They have a very dense coat actually, and when it becomes water logged it takes a long time to dry, keeping them chilled. But if it was cut all over they’d be too cold in the water. Now, if you notice, the poufy parts of the cut are at the joints, ear tips, scalp, shoulders and so so. Keeps the flexing parts covered up and insulated. Exactly right, though a working dog wouldn’t have the flex points covered with _puffballs_ as opposed to flat fur. They also wouldn’t have the fluffy ears and the ridiculously huge mane. Poodles are very flexible, very strong and have great killer instincts. They ought to get more respect than they do, the overwrought grooming is a big part of that. As for the idea that poodles always win all of the dog shows, may I introduce you to the 2003 Best of Show at Westminster: [Torums Scarf Michael](http://www.westminsterkennelclub.org/breeds/wm03/bis/RM31657101.html), a gorgeous Kerry Blue Terrier. Very much not a poodle. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/and-the-neurotic-frenchie-wins-again/270552.md?page=2)