I didn’t want to hijack this thread, so I started one inspired by this idea.
He’d been absent all summer, which is, of course, rerun season. IIRC, though, they’ve done him in reruns in previous summers (“Another Minute with Andy Rooney”?) I’m trying to remember when I first noticed that he wasn’t being featured – might it have been last spring?
I posted elsewhere on the interwebs that I, for one, am delighted to see him “take a break.” I can’t recall a single insightful or even relevant thing he’s said in the last 30 years. Usually, his segment on 60 minutes sends me diving for the remote. Sometimes, I punish myself and watch, gagging and rolling my eyes the entire time. I cannot believe the love for the man out there. My skin is still singed from all the flaming I took by suggesting he should have retired when I was a small child, if not earlier. I thought he accomplished nothing but perpetuating willful ignorance. Apparently, there’s a whole lot of people out there in the world who think he’s The Shizzle™. Ohhh-kay, then. :rolleyes:
Well, we could always do what you liberals do, and cite Shakespeare as our source!
I mean, during the Bush years, I received the following passage from about 15 or 20 liberal acquaintances, relatives and friends, all of whom assured me that this came from Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.
"***Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind.
And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.
How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar. ***"
That didn’t read or sound anything like Shakespeare, but it fooled countless folks on your side. Why should YOU get the Bard all to yourselves?
Retirement and death doesn’t stop right-wingers. I don’t really mean that as a dig, either. The right-wing mindset really is about maintaining status quo, keeping the establishment, and paying respects to the elders. I still get the occasional glurge attributed to Paul Harvey, rest his soul.
Eventually, I imagine, Jeff Foxworthy will become the nom de attribution, but it won’t be because of Andy Rooney’s retirement or death; it will be because nobody knows who he is anymore.
Have a good retirement, Andy. Yeah, he’s become a caricature of himself, but even that caricature was more enjoyable than listening to Charles Grodin do his Andy Rooney impression during the run of 60 Minutes II.
He’s made a long career out of being too old.
Fogey humor, both him and Erma Bombeck. One complains about kids these days and their music (and mocks the suicide of another human being) while fussing about the design of a paper clip and the other complains about kids and their music while wailing about the adventures of vacuuming a rug and doing dishes. It stopped being funny around 1972. Good bye, and thanks for nothing.
I thought he had died years ago. Turns out I was close.
I don’t think he became a caricature of himself; I think he started off that way. Yeah, yeah, he was in World War II. So was the old guy at church, and he bored hell out of me too.
“Y’ever notice…?” No, I didn’t. Shut up.
Regards,
Shodan
I liked his segment when I was a kid, 10 years old, back in the first few years of his time at 60 minutes. I don’t think I’ve seen one in 25 years… I’ll tune in for old time’s sake.
What nonsense.
It’s been at least 50 years, or at least it sure seems that way.
The real problem for CBS is that Rooney’s retirement will drop the age of the average 60 Minutes viewer way down, to 68 maybe, and the sponsors (Buick, nonsteroidal pain meds etc.) may not be happy.
Also known as the slowest ravishing in the history of Rapine. Besides, I think when Andy wants a piece he just reverts to what worked best the last time by offering them a chocolate bar; for Cooper he might even throw in a pair of nylons.
“Leslie, didja ever notice how much it looks like Florida?”
ETA: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little on re-read…
What hobby does he plan on doing?
Was his job so stressful he had to stop thinling?
Do I twitch when I talk?
He wants to trim his eyebrows without having to explain to an entire nation why he changed his mind.
He wanted to bet on professional football, of which he is something of an expert, and CBS rules won’t allow it.
Sex scandal about to break.
Spend more time with his mother-in-law.
Wants to re-join the military now that DADT is repealed.
Start his own reality show, Romping With The Rooneys
Decided to steal some of Charlie Sheen’s Goddesses while he still has the cash.
Just figured out that that flashing light on the phone is voicemail and he has 150,000 messages to return, and its just easier to retire.
Is going to move to Letterman’s slot.
It’s all really funny because Rooney is really, really old and these are young people things.
He has finally observed the entirety of the human condition, and his home planet is calling him home.
Well played, sirs. 
I’d be remiss if I didn’t post this video of Andy being interviewed by Ali G. “Does you” notice a familiar name in one of the writer credits?
I don’t know if you noticed, but Andy is almost 1o0 years old.
Didja ever wonder if Andy Rooney’s retirement needs more than one thread?
[mod]Merged duplicate threads.[/mod]
twickster, Cafe Society moderator