# Animal Planet Death Matches **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072 "2001-10-12T16:04:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/53a042/32.png) [@Vinnie\_Virginslayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vinnie_Virginslayer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/1 "2001-10-12T16:04:07Z")
First off, I’m not advocating cruelty to animals. I’m just extremely bored and have nothing better to do with my time. Who would you say would win HYPOTHETICAL matches to the death between these animals, in a controlled environment, and why: \*\*BADGER VS RACOON DIAMONDBACK WESTERN RATTLESNAKE V INDIAN KING COBRA PIT BULL V DOBERMAN _TAG-TEAM MATCH_ 2 ARCTIC WOLVES V 2 AFRICAN HYENAS _OLD TIMERS MATCH_ SABER TOOTH TIGER V WOLLY MAMMOTH GREAT WHITE SHARK V KILLER WHALE AFRICAN RHINO V AFRICAN ELEPHANT AFRICAN LION V SIBERIAN TIGER _MAIN EVENT ONE FALL TO A FINISH, STEEL CAGE_ AMERICAN ALLIGATOR V AUSTRALIAN SALT WATER CROCODILE\*\* Do any other ghouls have other intriguing zoological matchups? ---
**Author:** ![GreyMatters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a9a28c/32.png) [@GreyMatters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreyMatters)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/2 "2001-10-12T18:06:06Z")
Badger - Hands Down. Cobra - Because - I think anyway - Cobra’s venom is stronger. PitBull - Dobermans are wussy dogs. Wolves - No reason really except they are bigger. Mamoth - No doubt here. Killer Whale - I think the Shark would have a chance if it could stay away from the Whale’s mouth, but if the whale got his mouth around the shark it would be over. Elephant - Again just size is my deciding factor. Tiger - Tigers are way tougher than lions. Slat Water Croc - I here they are really nasty buggers. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/3 "2001-10-12T19:13:21Z")
OK Vincenzo, I’ll bite too. [excuse the pun] \<-- Oh that was poor… Anyway here. Badger over racoon–\> Badgers more aggressive. Rattler over Cobra—\> more jittery and quicker. Pit Bull --\> no contest here. Wolves over Hyenas–\> again no contest. **come on vin you can think of more** Tiger over mammoth—\> just saw a discovery documentary on the sabertooth. Very impressive Killer whale over Great White—\> seen it on film Elephant over Rhino —\> don’t know how, seems right. Tiger over Lion—\> there bigger Aussi Croc over wimpy gater—\> just the obvious OK heres how about these **Wolverine and Pit Bull** **Africanized Bees and George Bush** \*\*domesticated Pig and Bin Laden \*\* ??? ---
**Author:** ![justinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@justinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justinh)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/4 "2001-10-12T19:48:30Z")
are you kidding? the hyena would eat the wolf without working a sweat. even the female hyena would neuter that wolf before he could say “yip”. ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/5 "2001-10-12T20:00:06Z")
[Moderator Hat ON] I think this is more on an IMHO thing. So I’m moving it there. [Moderator Hat OFF] ---
**Author:** ![Yondan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/278dde/32.png) [@Yondan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yondan)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/6 "2001-10-12T20:14:22Z")
How about these? Bryant Gumble vs. Rush Limbaugh? Anita Bryant vs. Tammy Faye Baker? Calvin vs. Dennis the Menace? Sylvester Stallone vs. Fabio? Barney vs. Yanni? The Dalai Lama vs. Ghandi? Benji vs. Toto? Wesley Crusher vs. a chipmunk? Willard Scott vs. Pavoratti? Janet Reno vs. Nahh, nothing could stand up to that challenge. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/7 "2001-10-12T20:23:50Z")
Space Moose presents [Animal Kingdom Kumite](http://www.spacemoose.com/strips/kumate.gif)! The story continues. Check out the archives for late [1995](http://www.spacemoose.com/archive95.htm) and early [1996](http://www.spacemoose.com/archive96.htm) for the rest of the story. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/8 "2001-10-12T20:35:05Z")
I should post a warning that applies to that last post. While none of my links leads to anything with what I consider truly objectionable content, “Space Moose” as a whole contains vulgar language, _very_ adult situations, and (cartoon) male nudity. It is not for the very young, faint at heart, or delicate of sensibilities. The elderly or people with heart conditions should not read “Space Moose.” “Space Moose” is not a significant source of calories. Offer void in Nevada, Utah, and American Samoa. Click at your own risk. Keep circulating the tapes. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/9 "2001-10-12T21:17:14Z")
ONE of the matchups originally posted is not hypothetical. In Africa, elephants and rhinoceroses encounter each other on a regular basis. And rogue male elephants (young males that don’t have a harem of their own) frequently pick fights with rhinos. The rhinos who realize that discretion is the better part of valor survive. The ones that stand and try to fight get killed. ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2001, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/10 "2001-10-12T22:51:54Z")
_ **PART TWO OF ANIMAL SLAMDOWN!!** _ \*Giant Brazilian tree sloth v. large sea sponge! Alien v. one of the killer bugs in “Starship Troopers”! Oprah v. Rabid Vampire Bat! Herd of Mad Cows v. 2001 Washington Redskins\* **BONUS NAKED TAG-TEAM MATCH TO THE DEATH!!** \*\*\*Anne Robinson of “Weakest Link” and Giant Porcupine ``` v. ``` Kathie Lee Gifford and horny Australian dingo\*\*\* On Pay Per View! Don’t Wait!! Order Now!!! ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2001, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/animal-planet-death-matches/87072/11 "2001-10-13T16:17:45Z")
Based on a famous WWWF Grudge Match: A Rottweiler vs. A Rottweiler’s weight in Chiuawuas (damn! I could never spell dog names)