Ninjas are cool; and by cool, I mean totally sweet.
Oh no. Not again!
2 mice and a medium dog can kill an elephant. If the mice can be trained to jump into each nostril and plug it up, the dog could jump into the mouth and plug that up, then the elephant would sufficate.
Unless, the elephant could blow his nose, so first we’d have to train a horse to kick the elephant in the sternum to knock the breath out of him.
The elephant’s sternum is hard to get at for a horse to kick. We’d need to either, catch the elephant unawares sleeping or, train alot of Irish wolfhounds to act in concert with ropes clenched in their jaws and trip the elephant which would allow the horse to kick the breath out of him, allowing the medium dog to jam his airpipe and finally, the 2 brave mice, scampering into the trunk, giving their lives in the cause of elephantine destruction.
Please note my plan uses only animals that have a long tradition of being tamed by humans.
Please note that my plan would probubly result in the elephant stomping the crap out of my circus act.
Where’s Rube Goldberg when you need him?
Batman can, if prepared.
But seriously, could a dog be bred to do this, á la Pitbull Terriers?
Elephants are scared of mice, there must be a reason for this.
Was there a strawberry patch? Because if the elephant’s toenails were painted…
Elephantiasis? 
Well, in view of the hallucinations that the original Dumbo of the Disney cartoon went through… :eek: (Do you suppose the Disney cartoonists were inclined to do a few hits after work?)
I’m now visuailizing Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Dumbo sitting around passing a joint and singing Dylan off-key “But I would not feel so all alone…” 
There was, actually. Never thought of that. Now I understand about the footprints in the custard.
Sure!
Human hunters with rocket launchers.
Human hunters with laser-guided bombs.
Human hunters with atomic hand grenades.
Wow! You can take a little whoosh for a trip around the world.
You certainly read a lot into one line. Thanks for all your input. I am a guy.
My miniscule offhand joke was one of Groucho Marx’s most famous set-up lines. It’s quite well known. Unfortunately, now we know about your old pajamas, too.
“More often than not, Groucho was a man of inspired nonsense. This is a man who once shot an elephant in his pajamas. How the elephant got in his pajamas, we’ll never know.”
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/us/WolfFiles/wolffiles230.html
Good luck on the prehensile penis.
What about a komodo dragon?
Hey BJ asked the question, I just thought I’d elaborate a bit. And I thought the bit about the feet in the PJ’s was funny. I had forgotten about the Groucho setup…I knew it sounded familiar though.
The prehensile penis refers back to a thread the other day. I can’t find the link though.
Read a lot into it ya say? Well if you know me, I like a good conspiracy, heh.
I forgot this was GQ, sorry.
Damn, you beat me to the Elephantiasis mention. Makes you wonder what would happen if an elephant got elephantiasis?
Here’s some pictures of humans with elephantiasis to give you some perspective:
Work Safe, kinda gross
Work safe, also kinda gross.
NOT WORK SAFE, LINK ALTERED
hey, Princechester come join our Brissie Dopefest
A wolverine could (once inserted rectally).
Lemmiwinks II: Lost Elephant’s Gold
Though I certainly can’t think of a viable candidate who would actually attack an elephant in the wild (with any frequency), elephant herds certainly act like they have predators, even in early colonial accounts. It really blows my mind to think that those long-established, seemingly instinctive, herd behaviors [e.g. sentinels, etc.] might be designed to protect against us – though humans and/or their ancestors have been as much a part of the elephant’s natural habitat as any other animal.
Part of the reason this blows my mind is that elephants are fairly intelligent, and have quite sophisticated social learning. This raises the possibility that these are not instinctive behaviors but socially transmitted teachings. (Poor guys, hanging out in the savannah, not bothering anything, but living in constant paranoia over us pesky humans. Make you want to go out and shoot a safari huinter – but that’s basically the human impulse that causes the problem in the first place, isn’t it?)
tigers can kill full grown elephants with one swipe of the paw to the face of said elephant. furthermore, anything bigger than a breadbox could jump down the gullet of an elephant and choke it to death.
interesting side story…
in certain african tribes, to become a warrior a young man must go out with an ivory sword and kill an animal and bring back a piece of it to prove his deed. the amount of danger involved in killing the animal increases the mans social ranking within the tribe (i.e. kill a hippo or cape buffalo and your the man). elephants sleep standing up, so a young man will walk under a sleeping elephant, and stab the sword upwards below the ribs. the elephant will wake up and instinctively run forward. hence by running forward, it allows the sword to slice a hole straight down it’s torso and the guts fall out, death, etc.
Cite?
and… Cite?