# Ann Coulter and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad USA Today
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [July 29, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458 "2004-07-29T17:28:56Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/21 "2004-07-29T19:11:45Z")
> [@rjung](#):
>
> **carrot,** you owe my web browser a memory scrub for compelling me to visit Ann Coulter’s website.
I only led you to the water…The drinking was your own choice.
> [@rjung](#):
>
> Ick, now I need a shower…
Sure, hippy…we all knew you needed one before…
---
### Author:  [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/22 "2004-07-29T19:12:01Z")
**carrot** regarding your quotes from the article: You do understand that it’s supposed to be _comedy_, right?
I know I’ll get slammed for daring to defend at any level something that Ann Coulter does, but here goes… She isn’t trying to be taken literally and seriously, IMHO. She is being funny, outragious, and hyperbolic. Nobody is taking her seriously. Posting quotes of her like people do on the SDMB is like posting quotes from Lewis Black on the Daily Show and being outraged at them. It’s a _joke_, people. Sheesh. YMMV, MHO, etc, etc.
---
### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/23 "2004-07-29T19:15:24Z")
> [@elucidator](#):
>
> Was it really “hippie hick” or did they mis-transcribe “hippy chick”?
>
> Or is it “hick pie wagon”? And what in the hell is a “pie wagon”?
Coulter is using an automotive metaphor. A “pie wagon” is an antique box truck. You know-- squat, ungainly, loud, and stinky. Coulter has a recurring theme of being on the side with the fun, sexy sports cars. Big red ones.
And yeah, they dropped a “C” there.
---
### Author:  [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/24 "2004-07-29T19:15:48Z")
> [@elucidator](#):
>
> In the interests of fairness, it needs be said that the delightfully equine Ms. Coulter (“Anne of Green Goebbels”) is in no wise representative of the rational and reasonable American right, as represented here by posters too numerous to mention. Well, three, actually, but they’re shy and easily embarassed.
>
> That said, its a good bet that the guy at _Useless Today_ who made this bodacious decision is looking for a job today. Actually, his assistant is looking for a job today, but so it goes…
>
> “…My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie hick pie wagons they call “women” at the Democratic National Convention…”
>
> This is classic Coulter, the finest distillation of content-free bile yet to spew. She called them everything but “lesbian” (hmmmm…wonder why?..too close to home?..enquiring minds recoil in horror…)
>
> “Corn-fed” I get, refering to pigs with a destiny as “pork futures”, probably inferring “sow”. A lot of men, naive children that we are, think women don’t talk nasty about each other. They do, and this is “da bomb”.
>
> “No make up”. Yeah, well, some use it, some don’t. Some need it. Some are beyond such help, gilding the Lilith.
>
> “no bra-needing” Oooooh! Call in the IBTC! (The Itty Bitty Titty Committee). Sorry, Annie, but here’s the truth: a sharp wit and a kicking rack is a joy to my darkly lustful heart, you bethca! But all the cup size in the world won’t make a harridan provoke a hard-on.
>
> “sandal-wearing”… This is kinda interesting, in the ongoing “What the fuck is it with women and shoes?!” question. Guys only: if you hear a woman use the expression “fuck-me shoes”, do you know what she’s talking about? Pretty sure about this: sandals ain’t it.
>
> “…hirsute, somewhat fragrant…” Hairy? You mean like hairy-legged, or hairy pitted, or hairy headed? Does Annie shave her legs, or does she rasp it off with a file? And that “fragrant”… That can’t mean what my pervo mind _thinks_ it means, can it? Women just don’t say things like that about other women, “sow” is as low as they go. Or did I miss another memo? Must be talking about pachouli oil, or Walgreen’s knock-offs of Obsession.
>
> “hippie” I get, standard issue slur, comes with the press kit.
>
> But here’s where I get confused. I kind of like some good ol’ scorching invective, its entertaining, so I like to keep informed. Was it really “hippie hick” or did they mis-transcribe “hippy chick”?
>
> Or is it “hick pie wagon”? And what in the hell is a “pie wagon”?.
>
> I call upon our much revered female Dopers in the struggle against ignorance. If I hear a woman call another woman a “pie wagon”, what is she saying?
Funny, the copy now on [anncouler.com](http://anncouler.com) contains none of the following: “pretty-girl”, “make-up”, “natural fiber”, “no-bra needing”, “sandal-wearing”, “hirsute”, “somewhat fragrant hippie hick pie wagons”, “they call “women”.”
Remember kids, the best thing to do when you talk crap and get called on it is to change what you said.
---
### Author:  [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/25 "2004-07-29T19:24:23Z")
I think whoever came up with the idea of getting Coulter to cover the DNC had exactly this in mind. They contract for a series of articles. She submits one, which they pay for, but do not publish. They say they want out of the contract. Coulter agrees and the contract is dissolved. The result is a lot of free publicity as other papers, and programs discuss what’s happening at USA Today. Consumers wait expectantly for Moore’s coverage of the RNC.
The person who thought this up hasn’t been fired. They’ll be promoted.
---
### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/26 "2004-07-29T19:32:09Z")
> [@cornflakes](#):
>
> Funny, the copy now on [anncouler.com](http://anncouler.com) contains none of the following: […]
> Remember kids, the best thing to do when you talk crap and get called on it is to change what you said.
Huh? [It hasn’t been revised.](http://www.anncoulter.com/columns/2004/072604.htm) Are you looking at another column?
---
### Author:  [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/27 "2004-07-29T19:34:37Z")
> [@Debaser](#):
>
> **carrot** regarding your quotes from the article: You do understand that it’s supposed to be _comedy_, right?
> \
> She is being funny, outragious, and hyperbolic.
I invite you to read more closely:
> [@Ann Coulter](#):
>
> corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie hick pie wagons they call “women” at the Democratic National Convention.
> [@Ann Coulter](#):
>
> For the last couple of decades now, name-calling has been the principal argument liberals have deployed against conservative arguments.
Ann takes herself seriously. Attempted humor or not, she really doesn’t recognize the hypocrisy (and, indeed, the irony) engendered by her diatribes.
Also, she’s not funny.
---
### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/28 "2004-07-29T19:44:23Z")
> [@](#):
>
> With any luck, Gore will uncork his speech comparing Republicans to Nazis.
. . . From the woman who _opens her article_ by comparing Democrats to Satan . . .
---
### Author:  [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/29 "2004-07-29T19:46:24Z")
As an over the top, valueless, content-free rant, I thought it had its humorous moments. I actually kind of laughed at the Gore/brown shirt line. I do believe that was the first full Coulter article I’ve ever read, maybe I should go wash up.
---
### Author:  [@WernhamHogg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WernhamHogg)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/30 "2004-07-29T19:46:27Z")
Damn it, there’s already a thread about Ann Coulter on the front page of the Pit… the one started by Oblong.
---
### Author:  [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/31 "2004-07-29T19:52:34Z")
> [@carrot](#):
>
> So, you may not have known, but USA Today had the ingenious idea to hire Ann Coulter to cover the DNC (and Michael Moore to cover the RNC, but we can talk about that when the convention is going on, I guess).
>
> Putting aside the obvious insanity of this idea, it sounds pretty good, right? A couple of ideologues covering the opposite number’s party, should make for some laughs.
>
> Well. Little did they know they weren’t even going to get [out of the gate with it](http://www.usatoday.com/news/politicselections/nation/2004-07-26-coulter-column_x.htm). Long story short, Coulter submits a bilious, spittle-flecked, hate-filled screed, which the editors at USA Today decline to publish. According to Ann,
> Ah, yes, the “they’re all against me” defense, a favorite of children and people who act like children the world over.
>
> Giving the readers a chance to decide for themselves which party has the shit-for-brains, Ann went and [posted the contraversial article on her website](http://www.anncoulter.com/columns/2004/072604.htm). I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to decipher Ann’s ramblings, save only to quote my favorite part:
> Nice, eh? Classy broad, that Ann. You can almost smell the foam around the mouth, with that one little hypnotic wobbly bit right in the corner, just taunting you…occasionally forming a small bubble, then bursting, and starting over…
>
> Now, I know pitting Ann Coulter is on a par with pitting Bill O’Reilly in terms of frequency, but I just can’t ignore this kind of batshit insanity. Is that so wrong?
>
> In any case, I will leave you with one last quote, again from Ann:[From this column](http://www.townhall.com/columnists/anncoulter/ac20010222.shtml)
What you need to realize with her writings is that she is not completely serious. She intentionally uses sarcasm and hyperbole, think a bit like Andy Kaufman. To take the attacks literally is silly.
---
### Author:  [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/32 "2004-07-29T19:54:06Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#):
>
> As an over the top, valueless, content-free rant, I thought it had its humorous moments. I actually kind of laughed at the Gore/brown shirt line. I do believe that was the first full Coulter article I’ve ever read, maybe I should go wash up.
Once this thing dies down and [anncoulter.com](http://anncoulter.com) stops being slammed by millions of Drudge readers, you should go and take a read. I can’t make it through any of her columns whole without laughing at least a couple of times.
---
### Author:  [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/33 "2004-07-29T20:00:50Z")
> [@carrot](#):
>
> I invite you to read more closely:
>
> Ann takes herself seriously. Attempted humor or not, she really doesn’t recognize the hypocrisy (and, indeed, the irony) engendered by her diatribes.
>
> Also, she’s not funny.
Spoken like a true corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie hick pie wagon. 😛
Seriously, how do you know what she does or does not recognize? Do you really think that if I “read more closely” I will suddenly agree with you?
Do you read the onion? Have you ever seen the Daily Show, or any of the late night talk shows? Like I said, Lewis Black is a great example. Any of these, if taken literally, could be quoted and be enough to be outraged about.
---
### Author:  [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/34 "2004-07-29T20:01:23Z")
> [@Eve](#):
>
> . . . From the woman who _opens her article_ by comparing Democrats to Satan . . .
That’s a LIE! a LIE! You’re DISHONEST! and a LIAR! I will start a website called [evelies.com](http://evelies.com) to expose your DISHONEST LYING LIES! How dare you refer to your post as a documentary when it LIES and is nothing more than anti-American PROPOGANDA and LIES! LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES!!!
She didn’t compare them to Satan, she compared them to the Spawn of Satan.
---
### Author:  [@stately\_plump\_buck\_mulligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stately_plump_buck_mulligan)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/35 "2004-07-29T20:15:12Z")
“We Republican girls are, like, sooooo pretty and fashionable and those Dem chicks are like total slobs. I mean, slingbacks? So last season?! As if.”
It would be less perplexing if it actually made any sense. Lots of “pretty,” makeup-wearing, fashion conscious girls in fuck-me shoes and perfect coifs wearing Dolce & Gabbana perfume [as if any of this really matters, though] happen to be Democrats. I’m sure there were at least a couple at the con. Maybe Ann was too pre-occupied with Froth Control that she just assumed they were all Republicans without getting a chance to talk to them.
---
### Author:  [@Time\_Stranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Stranger)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/36 "2004-07-29T20:19:07Z")
I’ve always completely ignored Ann Coulter, so this is really the first of her writings I’ve experienced and I may have missed this before, but… I have to say, the idea that Ugly People (who may or may not be stinky) are exclusive to the Democratic party made me laugh for a really, really long time.
I get that she’s going for shock and amusement (hopefully), but there’s a part of me that really just can’t process insulting a political party for being _ugly_. Ha!
---
### Author:  [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/37 "2004-07-29T20:28:20Z")
> [@Debaser](#):
>
> Seriously, how do you know what she does or does not recognize? Do you really think that if I “read more closely” I will suddenly agree with you?
>
> Do you read the onion? Have you ever seen the Daily Show, or any of the late night talk shows? Like I said, Lewis Black is a great example. Any of these, if taken literally, could be quoted and be enough to be outraged about.
The difference being, taken as a joke, Ann Coulter’s rabidity doesn’t make any _sense_. If she’s really not serious about “liberal name-calling,” then she has got the best delivery I’ve ever seen. I mean, Lewis Black tends to break up during his rants once in a while. When have you ever seen Ann Coulter soften her delivery, and actually act like her brain hasn’t been eaten by fleas? I’ve never seen anything that indicates “joke” to me. If you’ve got something like that, I think I’d feel much better about her particular brand of insanity.
---
### Author:  [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/38 "2004-07-29T20:39:40Z")
I wonder, was she planning on castigating the Hollywood Liberal Elite in the same series that she mocked the ugliness of Democrats?
Daniel
---
### Author:  [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/39 "2004-07-29T20:49:41Z")
Who reads USA Today besides disc jockeys and people in airports?
A.C. is print’s version of a shock jock. Her intent is to get people riled up and it appears to have worked.
---
### Author:  [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)
#### Post date: [July 29, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458/40 "2004-07-29T20:59:12Z")
> [@carrot](#):
>
> The difference being, taken as a joke, Ann Coulter’s rabidity doesn’t make any _sense_. If she’s really not serious about “liberal name-calling,” then she has got the best delivery I’ve ever seen. I mean, Lewis Black tends to break up during his rants once in a while. When have you ever seen Ann Coulter soften her delivery, and actually act like her brain hasn’t been eaten by fleas? I’ve never seen anything that indicates “joke” to me. If you’ve got something like that, I think I’d feel much better about her particular brand of insanity.
I read Ann, I don’t usually watch her. However, the times I have seen her have been on Bill Maher’s show “Politically Incorrect”. Her delivery and manerisms was about what I would expect. She wasn’t ranting the same way she does in her columns. But, she seemed fully able to grasp the concept of humor. I really don’t remember too much about it, I haven’t seen her on TV in quite some time.
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458.md?page=1)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ann-coulter-and-the-terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-usa-today/257458.md?page=3)