# anniversary conundrum (how to choose it) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 26, 2009, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763 "2009-08-26T14:02:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/1 "2009-08-26T14:02:03Z")
My fiance is in the army and got called on an emergency deployment to Iraq, which completely disrupted our orderly plans to marry. But since she is there, we decided it would be better if we were married in case anything happens to her so I would have rights and access etc. as a spouse. So we are doing what is called a double proxy marriage, which means we can get married simply through paperwork and a court hearing, without either of us having to show up. (This is available for deployed soldiers and is done in Montana, but is legally recognized as a valid marriage). Not the most romantic way–and we’ll have a ceremony later, but something done of necessity. Here’s the question. Our marriage will be officiated 4 pm Mountain Time on Friday (August 28). Thus, for me on the east coast, I will become married at 6pm August 28. But for her, in Iraq, she will become married at 1 am on August 29. So, what date is going to be our anniversary? August 28, or August 29? Any opinions or theories on how to resolve this would be appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/2 "2009-08-26T14:41:28Z")
You say “a court hearing” – where is the court? Where is the paperwork being recorded? The date of the paperwork will be the “official” date for your legal purposes. For your sentimental purposes, you can be among the few couples with two anniversaries! Live it up! ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/3 "2009-08-26T14:47:15Z")
Exactly. Sounds like an excuse for a multi-day party every year if I ever heard one. ---
**Author:** ![Flipshod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f19dbf/32.png) [@Flipshod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flipshod)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/4 "2009-08-26T15:05:23Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Exactly. Sounds like an excuse for a multi-day party every year if I ever heard one. Funny. I posed this question to the secretaries in my office, all women, and they unanimously agreed that I would owe two anniversary presents per year. (Maybe I should have never brought it up ;)) ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/5 "2009-08-26T15:59:42Z")
I think you owe her one, and she owes you one. Everybody wins. P.S. CONGRATULATIONS! ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/6 "2009-08-26T16:36:54Z")
How about midnight on the 28th, or just the whole night between the two days? Dinner one day, breakfast the next? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/7 "2009-08-26T16:41:01Z")
In practical terms, I would pick the date in the country you are eventually going to reside in. You’re going to live in the US, right? So I’d pick the date in the US…just because. In romantic terms? I like the “you owe her one, she owes you one”. Did your coworkers also agree SHE owes YOU two presents per year? God almighty. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/8 "2009-08-26T17:27:26Z")
Have a two-day blowout! WHEE! /me goes off singing “Double Anniversary…” ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/9 "2009-08-26T17:58:32Z")
You’re getting married in Montana, so go by Montana time. Congratulations, and fingers are crossed for her safe return, by the by. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2009, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/10 "2009-08-26T19:31:05Z")
Congratulations to you both! I vote for both days! Dinner out two days in a row, or a whole weekend of anniversary sounds lovely. I suppose it would work out this way; on August 28 you take her out to dinner and bring her a giftie, as that’s the day you married her. On August 29, she takes you out to dinner and gives you a giftie, because that’s the day she married you. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/11 "2009-08-28T17:13:36Z")
> [@Flipshod](#): > > Funny. I posed this question to the secretaries in my office, all women, and they unanimously agreed that I would owe two anniversary presents per year. (Maybe I should have never brought it up ;)) Oooh - and to really put the cherry on the sundae - when you do that ceremony upon her return, that’s a _third_ anniversary 🙂 Sorry, dude, you’re going broke buying gifts from here on out. On the bright side, you can have your golden anniversary party in 16 2/3 years 😉 ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/12 "2009-08-28T18:18:00Z")
That’s easy. the anniversary is the night between the two. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anniversary-conundrum-how-to-choose-it/507763/13 "2009-08-28T18:28:43Z")
I agree with others. For any couples out there making the joint sacrifice of serving our country at home and abroad, the very least you’ve earned is two anniversary dates and one wonderful story. Thank her for me.