# Announcement to world: I am now in charge **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2002, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434 "2002-07-05T01:35:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gopher)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/21 "2002-07-05T06:19:12Z")
I don’t know. This is a hard choice. I know I don’t want to be one of this people you listed **ResIpsaLoquitor**. They all seem big and important. What if I flub a line? And they’re all doomed to obscurity after the war’s over. Except for the > [@](#): > > dashing, daring, mildly self-centered pilot type whose true colors come through in the end. He might go on and become a dashing, daring, mildy self-centered CIA guy and go around fighting terrorists and drug cartels. You never know… So I’ll just be a grunt. But part of the RebelDoper Alliance? Or the WDA? I want my shiny white armor so I’ll choose the WDA ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/22 "2002-07-05T06:19:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ResIpsaLoquitor \* > \*\*I am hereby pleased to announce that the **Rebel Doper Alliance** is now equipped with death music for weaponry and catering from **leechbabe** ’s mom. > > And I’m making her second-in-command of boobies. The recruiting doors are OPEN! \*\* Wait, wait! You mean to tell me that the _Alleged Dictator of the World (Attempted)_ to whom I pledged my allegiance (the original version, of course, not this new-fangled one coinciding with a belief in any deity, gremlin, goblin or other) is _now_ an offical Rebel? Albeit **leechbabe’s** second-in-command of boobies; so I suppose that’s alright. Food and boobies. Okay. I’m still game. Go rebels! Woo-hoo! Giddy-up! ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/23 "2002-07-05T06:19:40Z")
Hey ther Spudbunny, er, excuse me, Sputter, you come on down here and get our roustabouts workin’ again, and maybe I’ll talk to ya’. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/24 "2002-07-05T06:21:07Z")
**Gopher** you choose shiny white armor over boobies and chocolate - surely you jest? ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/25 "2002-07-05T06:25:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by leechbabe \* > \*\ ***Gopher** you choose shiny white armor over boobies and chocolate - surely you jest? \*\* Yeah, I agree with the boobies boss on this point. I mean, with chocolate you get caffeine, which enables you with enough “staying awake” power to appreciate the boobies. With armor you get rust. I choose boobies over rust any day. Especially boobies with chocolate. I’m not sure rust and chocolate mix well together. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/26 "2002-07-05T06:28:03Z")
Can I be a complete nobody who gets killed by a weapon of mass destruction in one of the early battles between the various forces currently gathering in this thread? Ta. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/27 "2002-07-05T06:31:10Z")
**Princhester** I believe you will find the supply of red shirts over behind the wall of chocolate and pepsi. By donning one of these your wish is sure to come true. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/28 "2002-07-05T06:58:31Z")
Were it a contest of boobies alone, I’d have to side with our upstart overlord here. Everybody knows that the villianesses have the best of 'em, or capture the good girls and put them in revealing outfits. But… chocolate macadamia cookies _and_ boobies? Though they may be of lesser quality, the combination of sex/gluttony wins over merely sex. I wanna be the guy who sits in an impenetrable booth and intones “Ten seconds to launch… Nine… Eight…” and so forth. I’m also good at remaining at my post while telling everyone to evacuate the area. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/29 "2002-07-05T09:26:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BraheSilver \* Were it a contest of boobies alone, I’d have to side with our upstart overlord here. Everybody knows that the villianesses have the best of 'em, or capture the good girls and put them in revealing outfits. > > But… chocolate macadamia cookies _and_ boobies? **Though they may be of lesser quality** , the combination of sex/gluttony wins over merely sex. > > I wanna be the guy who sits in an impenetrable booth and intones “Ten seconds to launch… Nine… Eight…” and so forth. I’m also good at remaining at my post while telling everyone to evacuate the area. Bolding mine. I challenge anyone to say that my boobies are of a lesser quality! Hmmm perhaps **BraheSilver** you could take on the role of official boobie quality control manager. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/30 "2002-07-05T09:56:31Z")
Sorry Splutter, I’m gonna hafta side with **leechboob** in this battle. Her massive stores of Pepsi and chocolate (okay, and the mezmerizing mammaries too) cannot be resisted by this reluctant rebel. I’ve got a slightly used GI Joe “action figure” that’s only missing one hand that you can have though. I know that you can use all the help you can get in these trying times of trying to quash rebels and Joe is an excellent strategist and field commander (take it from me). Okay **leech** , now that I’ve planted someone in the enemy’s command post who’s certain to bring about his deserving destruction, howze 'bout making me the the guy who points out all the inconsistencies and impracticalities of what’s sure to be serveral episodes of fun-filled adventures trying to take out the Evil Spunker, errr, Sporker, oh sorry, Splutter. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/31 "2002-07-05T10:18:52Z")
**Rebel Doper Alliance Job Application** \*\*Position Applied for: \*\*pretentious, regal female who’s good with a rifle \*\*Salary desired: \*\*The usual – chocolate, glory, and the odd dashing pilot type \*\*Qualifications: \*\*[list][li]Can think and shoot my way out of a trash compactor.[/li][li]Can use a wrench and a lever.[/li][li]Can deliver insults in an ice-cold regal voice.[/li][li]Some familiarity with military strategy.[/li][li]Can get the locals on our side.[/li][li]Would consider kissing a wookie.[/li][li]Have boobies.[/li][li]Can make _killer_ chocolate truffle. Note: to make that literally so, please give advance notice.[/li] Mind you, I still think this will be a walk. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/32 "2002-07-05T10:20:23Z")
**Additional qualifications:** [ul][li]Usually remembers to close lists.[/li][/ul] CJ ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/33 "2002-07-05T12:30:53Z")
This just in: - (AP) WALLA WALLA, Wash.-- As a result of the continued talk of boobies, would-be world dictator Splutter’s head exploded at 3:43 a.m. eastern time on July 5. It is being advised to continue such talk of boobies-- and especially of boobies _covered_ in chocolate, most notably leechbabe’s boobies covered in chocolate-- until officials can be sure that all of Splutter’s henchmen’s heads also go ka-blooey.\* Boobies. Covered in chocolate. Happy, doing his small part for justice and freedom ---
**Author:** ![welby1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@welby1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby1)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/34 "2002-07-05T13:31:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by welby1 \* > \*\*Soon Cecil and his minions will rule the world. . . . . \*\* Did I call it or what? ---
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/35 "2002-07-05T13:47:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by leechbabe \* > \*\* > Ahhh but can you cover your eye’s and your ears at the same time? \*\* Did I mention that I’m double-jointed? ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/36 "2002-07-05T15:30:18Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by leechbabe_ > Oh most worthy leader of the Rebel Doper Alliance we now have a new weapon to deploy, yon SkipMagic claims to be able to annoy the enemy to death. What are your strategic recommendations? Well, since I’ve just hired **cjhoworth** as our new pretentious princess type, she needs to steal his copy of _Truly Tasteless Jokes_ and hide it in a small appliance. We’ll then shove it into an escape pod and fire it off to the Pit, where hopefully a more sarcastic Doper will find it and come to our rescue. “Help me, Obi Wan Coldfire. You’re my only hope.” ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/37 "2002-07-05T20:42:08Z")
Hey Splutter. Welcome to the boards. I’ll apply for the position of evil babe. I wanna wear skin-tight black leather and red lipstick at all times. I’ll carry a bullwhip and use my high heels as weapons. I will have a very bad attitude all the time and use sex to get my way. I’ll drink like a fish and curse like a sailor. Actually, that’s pretty close to my life now. I’m perfect for the job! Now go get me a boubon, you small minded fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/38 "2002-07-05T20:45:06Z")
Hey. Will all you world-ruling, crazy megalomaniacs over here please arrange the world so that I can maybe have a weekend off? Thanks. I’d appreciate it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/39 "2002-07-05T21:06:45Z")
\*quietly slips into **Splutter’s** , office turns on monitors and, um, monitors situation. **Splutter** vainly trying to drum up entheusiasm for his evil-overlordliness. The would-be **Doper Rebel Alliance** too busy debating the merits of chocolate, boobies and white armor to mount any real resistance. Good. Closes door, gets evil henchcats Conan and Schrodinger on the comm. Instructs them to create further distractions by giving displays of cute fuzziness, thus causing everyone do drop what they’re doing and say, “Oooh, look at the fuzzy kittycats, they are sooooo cuuuuuute!”, and compete for the right to pet them. Creates a computer program that will hack into any machine that has a modem and resets everybody’s start page to “The World of Sid and Marty Kroft”. Leans back, puts feet up on the desk and revels in the chaos she has created. **Thea Logica** has just quietly taken over the world.\* ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2002, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/40 "2002-07-05T21:57:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by leechbabe \* > \*\* > I challenge anyone to say that my boobies are of a lesser quality! > > Hmmm perhaps **BraheSilver** you could take on the role of official boobie quality control manager. \*\* I knew that line would get me in trouble 😉 . “_May_,” I said. I haven’t yet had proof either way. I humbly accept the offered position, so that I may enlighten all of the superlative quality of the Alliance’s boobies. All incoming boobie shipments must meet my approval (don’t worry, I’m easy to please). Please make an appointment with my secretary, Benita Hill. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434.md?page=3)