# Announcement to world: I am now in charge **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2002, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434 "2002-07-05T01:35:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/61 "2002-07-07T03:41:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > **Your petty bickering is nothing compared to my absolute rule.** But how’s your health plan? And do I get to eat three times a day? I think the Rebel Dopers’ Alliance was offering dental–could I get that from your dictatorship? (No offense, **Leechbabe** , but you jumped sides and I had just gotten use to being a bad guy. Bad guys usually have better outfits and scantily-clad women who just want to use you for your power. Since I’m not looking for anything in a long-term relationship, I feel that’s okay with me.) ---
**Author:** ![Splutter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5fc32e/32.png) [@Splutter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splutter)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/62 "2002-07-07T03:56:35Z")
Atreyu, I laugh in the face of your farts. Your rancid aroma will never distract me from my mission. I note that the majority of applications in this thread have been to join the Rebel Dopers’ Alliance. Swayed by promises of chocolate and boobies (and probably chocolate boobies) you all flock to an association of half-witted, semi-naked idiots who seem to be too busy squabbling over the scraps of the leftovers from my banquet of power to notice that my World Domination Army has eaten you alive, complemented the chef, and then done the dishes. Fools. Both Supremely and Excellently Yours Splutter ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/63 "2002-07-07T03:57:45Z")
OK, we have two options: 1. We unleash our mightiest boobies to seduce **Spoofe** ; or b) We destroy his secret shield generator using an army of teddy bears. Any other suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/64 "2002-07-07T06:13:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agentfroot \* > \ ***Can fit into small spaces** Hmmm… ::brings out tape measure::: Mm-hmmh, mmmmm-hmh, yeah, okay. Prop department, we’ll need a bigger toaster oven! Pronto! ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/65 "2002-07-07T06:49:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > **\…my _Dark Imperium of Underpants_ has controlled this entire system - nay, this entire… \** Okay, who let this guy on the set? ::Leads **SPOOFE** aside and shows him map of the known galaxy:: Okay, you see this quadrant here? The one with all the stained underpants icons? That’s _your_ sandbox. See this quadrant aaaaalllllll the way over here? That’s the Alpha quadrant where we’re standing now. And you’re in the shot. We clear? ::hands him a Danish and coffee:: Now scoot before I call security. Alright, let’s get back to business. **Res** , I believe you were about to inspect some boobies. Take 2. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/66 "2002-07-07T09:39:51Z")
**Horseflesh** , we’re cool. I know agentfroot IRL and the toaster oven was just big enough to fit. Better tell continuity to delete the word “small”, though :: Strikes suitably regal pose :: By the way, b]Splutter\*\*, were this the Pit I would tell the noble warriors of the Rebel Doper Alliance exactly what that copy of _Truly Tasteless Jokes_ was covered in. Come to the light side and get yourself some real women. ::Tosses head regally ans struts off stage right. :: CJ ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/67 "2002-07-07T11:20:41Z")
And trips over bad coding along the way _snicker_ What? I didn’t say anything! I’ve sworn my allegiance to Bobkitty and Scylla somewhere [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=122517) so… uh… Actually, I don’t think they’d object if I try overthrowing Splutter’s evil scheme, seeing as it just _might_ have a _slim_ chance of nudging Scylla’s out of the spotlight. Besides, he’s a n00b, and a n00b who has “viscious” shark/hyena/camel hybrids, to boot. I’ll be basking on that statue’s head out there if anyone needs me. Toodles! P.S. I’m female. With rather nice boobies. Just letting you know. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/68 "2002-07-07T12:51:34Z")
I have boobies can I join in? Anyone wanna inspect them to ensure they are up to the high standard set by **leechbabe**? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/69 "2002-07-07T13:13:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ems \* > \*\*I have boobies can I join in? > > Anyone wanna inspect them to ensure they are up to the high standard set by **leechbabe**? \*\* ::Grabs **ems** by the arm and escorts her over to **ResIpsaLoquitor** ’s trailer:: ::banging on door:: Hey **Res** , we got another one that needs ‘inspecting’. You free? [muffled voice] “No! This damn Truly Tasteless Jokes book is _stuck in my hair_. Tell my understudy **Brahesilver** to give her a go. Fuck it! Where’s the scissors?” [/muffled voice] Uh-huh. This way, miss. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/70 "2002-07-07T13:21:58Z")
Whoohoo!! Part of the Rebel Doper Alliance at last - I knew I would get accepted around here somehow if only I had known earlier it involved boobies… ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/71 "2002-07-07T14:09:32Z")
Er, now don’t count your boobies before they’re hatched. Or something. The boobie inspectors haven’t given their approval. (Where _is_ that **Brahesilver** anyways?) Well, if I gotta, I gotta. ::Flexes fingers:: ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/72 "2002-07-07T14:21:22Z")
Oooooo - OK go on then in the absence of the official inspector. I am also sitting eating chocolate (it is Sunday afternoon) so I can offer that as a bribe as well ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/73 "2002-07-07T14:57:46Z")
So some wannabe overlord pops in here and asserts that he is now in charge and look what happens? People get in a dither, form an alliance to fight an imaginary threat, and then become obsessed with chocolate and boobies. Wait… they were already obsessed with chocolate and boobies, Splutter is only responsible for the dither. This is why I am so much better suited to be the Almighty, Handsome and Benovolent Dictator (A.H.B.D.) around here. Although I get just as distracted by chocolate and boobies as the next guy, I can remain calm and focussed when these little upstarts show up. Splutter… your overthrow has failed but I will thank you for spawning a two page thread on the aforementioned chocolate and boobies. For that, we will let you live. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/74 "2002-07-07T15:02:37Z")
[Astroboy14] MMMM… Chocolate covered boobies![/Astroboy14] [sup] Wait… do I need to channel myself?[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/75 "2002-07-07T17:22:15Z")
**Feynn** , you gotta become his apprentice and THEN overthrow Splutter. In the meantime, all Rebels are to report for boobie inspection at 0900 hours tomorrow, in the mead hall. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/76 "2002-07-07T20:26:50Z")
awright! a bigger toaster oven! now i can fit in twice as much garlic bread! _licks lips_ hey, boobie inspector, what are you doing? HEY! hands off! _thwack_ that’s a no-touchy area! um, excuse me… my inspector kinda… fell… can i have another one? i want that guy over there! the short one with the green eyes and wavy dark hair holding the can of chocolate and paint brush… hmmm, if i have bad boobies, can i trade them in for new ones? ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/77 "2002-07-07T20:51:55Z")
Yo! **Horseflesh** and **ems**! Over here! Ol’ Master **Res** annexed my usual office (something about an indoor street luge park, he said) and reassigned me to this one down the hall. Don’t mind the smell from the kitchens, you stop noticing it in a few minutes. Okay, say “ah…” Now say “oh…” Now turn your head and jump on that trampoline there for a couple seconds… all right, we’re done here; you pass the Quagmire test. Take this form down to Costuming and get yourself a uniform. Next! I love my job. [Family Guy]Heh. Heh. _Alllllllll… riiiiiiight._[/FG] ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/78 "2002-07-07T22:38:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Splutter \* > **My World Domination Army (herein known as my WDA) has been assembled** There seems little point in establishing a three letter abbreviation (herein known as a TLA) unless you plan to use refer to the term more than once. I don’t suppose the throne will even have time to warm up. ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/79 "2002-07-07T22:55:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by agentfroot \* > \*\*hmmm, if i have bad boobies, can i trade them in for new ones? \*\* The only “bad” boobies are the ones _not_ covered in thick, creamy chocolate. With a cherry on top. Mmmmmm, cherries. \ Oh, excuse me. All boobie endowed Rebels please report to Makeup for chocolate enhancement at least one hour prior to muster in the mead hall. And where is that **Splutter**? I need him to try on this Dark Helmet for size. ::Looking at a prop geek walking up brandishing a prop for approval:: No, that is NOT a toaster oven. That would be a waffle iron. Alright, who’s in charge of the prop shop? Geeez. ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2002, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/80 "2002-07-07T23:42:30Z")
_puff puff puff_ - sorry all I got distracted by arrangements for my new puppy, now whats happening? Have we quashed the dark evil? ::looks around and notices all boobies now covered in chocolate with cherries on top:: Heck I’m not gonna be left out of the fun here. Although I’m not all that partial to cherries can I get mine done in strawberries please? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434.md?page=5)