# Announcement to world: I am now in charge **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2002, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434 "2002-07-05T01:35:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2002, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/141 "2002-07-13T17:07:04Z")
Well **Stiletto** if you insist - and yes I agree this could take a while šŸ˜ƒ :Hangs ā€˜Do Not Disturbā€™ sign up: ---
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/142 "2002-07-14T01:39:00Z")
ā€¦Ah, there we go. A nice milk chocolate coating, complete with a white chocolate fairy on one side (with orange chocolate wings) and a white chocolate unicorn (orange chocolate hair and horn) on the other. I donā€™t like dark chocolate, so thereā€™s none of that. Iā€™m all better from my fall, I took some ibuprofin and my boobies survived. Oh, my elephant returned with the pilots! Must goā€¦ umā€¦ do stuff. _Prances off to the toaster_ I hope they can fit inside tooā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/143 "2002-07-14T04:21:24Z")
_Follows **Stiletto** to the makeup room with camera in hand_ _Pulls up a chair outside the curtain, stands on it and points camera down into the room_ ::Narrarating:: - ā€œAnd here we see the Chocolate _Artiste_ finishing up the delicate touch-ups needed on Miss **ems**. A little French silk here, some finely crushed Oreos sprinkled thereā€¦ Amazing! He is truly a master of his trade. Letā€™s catch up with **agentfroot** for a closeup of her titillating torso, shall we?ā€ _Sniffs the air_ Aaaahhhh, do I smellā€¦ _sniff, sniff_ā€¦TRUFFLES?!? [Hungry bear mode on] Truffles, truffles, truffles, truffles, [sub]trufflesā€¦[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/144 "2002-07-14T15:33:52Z")
Hey it said **Do not disturb** But if it is for the good of the RDA I suppose soā€¦šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/145 "2002-07-14T16:26:35Z")
By the way, folks, the truffles are ready. Enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/146 "2002-07-14T18:57:00Z")
MMMā€¦Truffles!!! ::sneaks another one off the plate, looks around, then remembers that heā€™s supposed to be on a diet and leaves the rest for someone else:: ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/147 "2002-07-15T05:11:15Z")
You need me. I can analyze. I can manipulate. I can mislead, I can gain followers, and I can be just plain vindictive. OK, now which side wants me? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/148 "2002-07-15T05:47:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by monica \* > \*\*You need me. I can analyze. I can manipulate. I can mislead, I can gain followers, and I can be just plain vindictive. OK, now which side wants me? \*\* Hmmmm. Who here needs a wife? ::ducks and scuttles to the editing room posthaste:: ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/149 "2002-07-15T06:02:31Z")
I cannot believe that in three pages of posts, no one on the SDMB has come to the realization that Splutter is really Al Haig. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/150 "2002-07-15T12:57:29Z")
:Hands round plate of truffles wafting the inviting smell under **LurkMeisterā€™s** nose: ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/151 "2002-07-15T17:40:37Z")
:steels himself against the smell of truffles while closely examining the finely crushed Oreos sprinkled on **ems** and wonders if he should offer to do a viscosity test on her French silk coating: ---
**Author:** ![Stiletto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Stiletto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stiletto)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/152 "2002-07-16T21:25:07Z")
Oreos? You were obviously paying too much attention to the controls on your video camera there, **Horseflesh**. I didnā€™t use oreos. Thatā€™s just cheap. _Admires his work in dark swiss chocolate, honey dust, and fine italian cocoa powder on **ems** boobies._ I think it turned out well, considering we had to re-do it, what, twelve times. šŸ˜ƒ Good thing I have a high tolerance for chocolate. šŸ™‚ **Monica** , youā€™re officially invited to join the **D** oper **R** ebel **A** lliance. We need somebody like you. For starters, could you swindle some more supplies out of the **WDA**? Weā€™re running low on chocolate. And get good stuff, please. And donā€™t forget to have that tag-team gay strip-o-gram delivered to **Splutter** ā€¦I think itā€™s the least we can do. šŸ˜ƒ Youā€™ll get full benefitsā€¦just fill out the paperwork with **leechbabe** ā€¦ **LurkMeister** can show you where the uniforms, supplies, and free supply of pilots are. And whenever you want to get painted, just come by. (You are planning on joining the ranks as another secret weapon, right? I mean, how can you beat chocolate-coated boobies?) _reaches out and grabs a truffle out of **Lurkmeister** ā€™s tray._ MMMMMMMM. Those are _really_ good, **CJ**!! Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/153 "2002-07-17T04:12:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stiletto \* > \*\* > Youā€™ll get full benefitsā€¦just fill out the paperwork with \*\*leechbabe[/b \*\* Sorry all but Iā€™m handing in my resignation. Being a Puppy Walker is a full time job and ā€¦ damn he needs to pee again, gotta go. kisses and hugs leechbabe ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/154 "2002-07-17T04:15:16Z")
_takes a truffle from the tray, muttering to himself_ I didnā€™t think those were oreos. I know oreos, no matter how finely theyā€™re crushed. Besides, this is a high-class operation, and **Stiletto** is too much of an artist to use cheap materials. _looks around and realizes that once again he has been given an administrative position. starts setting up his office space._ Okay, the file cabinet goes there, form boxes on the table there. Iā€™ll bet I donā€™t get a staff, as usual. Well, I should have enough time to check the chocolate stock before the next wave of recruits gets in. Hey, is slip-and-slide two ready yet? And whereā€™s that box of thongs? _checks out the supply area and sorts the uniforms by size. makes sure that all the other supplies are organized._ All right, people! All pilots to the inspection room. Ladies, form an _orderly_ line for touch-ups if you want them. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/155 "2002-07-17T04:52:28Z")
::Staggers into **LurkMeister** ā€™s office, dripping milk chocolate, with a large fragment of what used to be a 50-gallon drum sticking out of his flight helmet:: I think we need to find some new black market suppliers. Seems that last batch of chocolate was booby-trapped. (Ba-dum bum) This may be our darkest hour. I suspect either the Evil Empire is paying our suppliers to betray us, or **stofsky** ā€™s behind it. I say we sick **monica** on him, just to be safe. ::Salutes, cuts finger on shrapnel, sees blood:: ::Collapses to floor:: ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/156 "2002-07-17T05:51:53Z")
WHAT!!! First **leechbabe** resigns and now this! _looks around suspiciously_ Has anybody seen **stofsky**? Everybody stay away from the chocolate supply area until we can get a bomb squad in there. And where did that last batch of chocolate come from? \*starts toward file cabinet to check records, then stops, looks down at **skeezix**. squats and tastes the milk chocolate. there was something about the tasteā€¦something he couldnā€™t quite identifyā€¦ \* Somebody get a medic RIGHT NOW! Nobody dies on my watch. ---
**Author:** ![ems](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@ems](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ems)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/157 "2002-07-17T06:18:10Z")
mmmmmm definitely not oreosā€¦ :swoon: ---
**Author:** ![agentfroot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@agentfroot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/agentfroot)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/158 "2002-07-17T23:22:55Z")
uh ohā€¦ trouble! iā€™ll go guard the door and make sure no bad guys get in. (puts on overalls, a cartoon t-shirt, and pigtails, grabbing some stuffed animals) i look like iā€™m 12, so if i stand outside and act cute and innocent, they wonā€™t dare fight me away. oh, and maybe iā€™ll paint a nice happy mural on the outside wallā€¦ daisies and kittens and unicorns. then everyone will think this is a day care center instead of a RDA hideout. (prances outside and shuts the door. a moment later she runs back inside, swipes a few truffles, then leaves again.) ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/159 "2002-07-17T23:56:29Z")
::puppy takes a whiz on the footpath outside:: Uhh sorry guys just taking the pup for a walk and thought Iā€™d drop in and say hi. Well Iā€™ll just be off, that mess outside should dry up soon enough. Bye ---
**Author:** ![Stiletto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Stiletto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stiletto)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2002, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434/160 "2002-07-18T01:14:32Z")
Alright. Since **leechbabe** is only dropping by long enough to leave us some puppy-piddle, and our erstwhile director **Horseflesh** appears to be on hiatusā€¦I guess that leaves me in charge. First things first. \*jack-booted thugs drag a rather beaten and tired-looking **stofsky** into the room and hand-cuff him to a heavy steel-frame chair. \* Why hello there, **stofsky** ā€¦whatā€™s a guy like you doing in a nice place like this? _ **Stiletto** opens a steel briefcase thatā€™s sitting on a nearby packing crate_ Iā€™ve been hearing rumors that you might have been responsible for that nasty chocolate explosion a little while ago. Is there any truth to that rumor? Have you betrayed our beloved **RDA**? Are you working for **Splutter**? _hooks a lie-detector up to **stofsky** ā€™s fingers._ Answer honestly, now. You donā€™t want us to be disappointed. Iā€™d hate to have to hand you over to the ladies for punishment. I mean, **monica** is over there just waiting to get into my briefcase of goodies, here, and work you over. _grabs a truffle from the tray, and sits it in **stofsky** ā€™s lap._ Now if you behave, and tell us all about it, we can have you rehabilitated fairly quickly. But if you lie to usā€¦_glances at **monica** again._ You really donā€™t want that, now do you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/announcement-to-world-i-am-now-in-charge/117434.md?page=9)