# Annoying Church Sign Messages, part whatever we're at now. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 14, 2002, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880 "2002-07-14T05:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![airdisc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e19adc/32.png) [@airdisc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/airdisc)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/21 "2002-07-14T19:20:12Z")
All your sin are belong to me. I kid you not. ---
**Author:** ![grendel72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/91b2a8/32.png) [@grendel72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grendel72)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/22 "2002-07-14T19:21:36Z")
OMFG, **airdisc** , that is a classic. ---
**Author:** ![peasea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc79bd/32.png) [@peasea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peasea)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/23 "2002-07-14T19:30:30Z")
Then there’s the classic: Seven days without prayer makes one weak. One church I saw had ‘you’ instead of ‘one’. They didn’t even get their own joke! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/24 "2002-07-14T20:06:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by partly\_warmer \* > \*\*Kids, they’re just applying the Madison Avenue appeal you love so much on prime time TV. > > They’re being funny. It’s an effort. Lighten up. \*\* Funny? No, they are using the signs as a way to scare people into doing things their way. ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/25 "2002-07-14T20:16:05Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\* (Their humor is…) Pathetic at best. Insulting at worst._\* Just as Jaguar ads are mostly targeted towards people who already own Jaguars (to enhance owner identification with their cars), many of these church ads are targeted towards church-goers, or potential church-goers. Yeah, some religious folks are dumb enough think you might convert if threatened by hellfire, but the ministers/priests/etc who are putting up those signs aren’t naive. If the intention was directed towards inspiring thought on your part, they’d say things like: “College educated, and have read everything but the Bible? What are you afraid of?” “Don’t talk with an honest, educated priest. What if he’d heard your arguments before and had answers?” ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/26 "2002-07-14T20:43:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \* > \*\*To get to heaven: Turn right and go straight. \*\* Since “gee” is a command to mules, oxen or horses to turn right, do you suppose that “gee” for Jesus is a euphemism for a “right” turn as well? Or at least religious right? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/27 "2002-07-14T20:45:23Z")
Actually, while I _am_ irritated by people coming to my door with religious messages, I couldn’t care less what churches put on signs on their own property. Sometimes they’re amusing. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/28 "2002-07-14T21:14:29Z")
I think the churches should go with signs like this: “Hey, our guess is as good as yours” “We promise not to screw your children” “You probably aren’t doing anything on Sunday mornings anyway” “Be like the rest and hedge your bets” ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/29 "2002-07-14T22:00:41Z")
I don’t get why anyone would be offended or insulted by whatever a church sign says. What would you expect, it’s a church–they’re probably going to post a religious message. I can see laughing at the signs, or thinking them stupid, or like most people, ignoring them, but why would anyone bother to take offense or be insulted??? ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/30 "2002-07-14T22:08:08Z")
This is America, dammit **milroyj** , land of the offended, home of the insulted. Love it or leave it. [sub]so shut up, or I’ll sue. [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2002, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/31 "2002-07-14T23:54:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Neidhart \* > \*\*_The most important element in any home is God._ > > Huh? > > “Where should we put God?” “Oh, I think He’d look dandy over here between these two wall sconces.” \*\* Put him over the fireplace so He isn’t cold. ---
**Author:** ![Lodrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@Lodrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lodrain)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/32 "2002-07-15T01:22:15Z")
I thought about making God a part of my house, but he wouldn’t hold still long enough. Guy’s a busy deity. He works all the time with no break - he’s gonna burn out one day. Look at Vishnu - that guy doesn’t even know the _meaning_ of the word ‘break’. He’s always out preserving the world, while Shiva trapises around destroying stuff and Brahma plays with his K’Nex Set of the Gods. When he crashes, he’s gonna come down hard. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/33 "2002-07-15T01:54:17Z")
So no one has any idea what my quote means either? To wit: “People who have known suffering rarely seem unhappy.” ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/34 "2002-07-15T02:12:47Z")
Cardinal, that’s code for “people may seem perfectly happy and not be Christian, but they’re really suffering inside because Christianity is the only way and they know deep inside they’re going to Hell”, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/35 "2002-07-15T02:36:49Z")
If that’s the intent, I find it horribly hidden. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/36 "2002-07-15T03:20:41Z")
Oh, I interpreted it as “People who have known true suffering but have survived have known the love and grace of the Magical Sky Pixie and are thus happy despite having shitty lives.” ---
**Author:** ![SopranoRosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@SopranoRosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SopranoRosa)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/37 "2002-07-15T04:51:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\* > “You probably aren’t doing anything on Sunday mornings anyway” > > \*\* Hey, I’ve seen one very similar to that! Most of the churches near me try to capitalize on the latest news stories. (I think they are trying to be hip, but they come across as trendoid.) Lately it’s been things like “ALL nations are under God.” Cardinal, I took the quote to mean that people who have really suffered don’t go around whining as much as people with littler problems. But I might be over-charitable. ---
**Author:** ![Maxxxie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@Maxxxie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maxxxie)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/38 "2002-07-15T06:37:28Z")
Most of the churches around my place have funky little sayings on their message boards, but there is one that, without fail, seems to scrape the bottom of the barrel. For two weeks, the sign was blank - it seems they couldn’t think what to put on it. After what I’m presuming was a great deal of head-scratching, they came up with this gem: “Christians are named after Christ”. REALLY??? I didn’t know that. Here I was thinking it was the Hindus. I am wondering who frequents this church - and who forms their working bees… I mean really… after two weeks of thinking hard about their latest sign… “Christians are named after Christ”??? That sign has been up for three weeks now. I’m presuming they’ve lost all their creativity. Or maybe the sign working bee has gone away for a prolonged dirty weekend?? Max. ---
**Author:** ![partly\_warmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@partly\_warmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partly_warmer)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/39 "2002-07-15T06:55:03Z")
Welcome to the board, **SopranoRosa**! I had the same idea about people who’ve really suffered. There was a professor at our university who’d been in aNazi concentration camp. I was in awe, I couldn’t imagine living through so much suffering. I don’t think [these](http://www.tddm.org/jokes/advertise2.shtml) are an improvement on the ones cited, but they do show a (quite) modest creative trend. No doubt they’re funniest to those to who know the message back-to-front in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/40 "2002-07-15T07:53:37Z")
I’m not kidding about this one. Painted on the steps in front of Traveler’s Rest Baptist Church: “NO SITTING ON THE STEPS” (The church is in Baltimore, these words were on the steps for much of the 1980s, eventually the warning was painted over and the name of the church was changed) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880.md?page=3)