# Annoying Church Sign Messages, part whatever we're at now. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 14, 2002, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880 "2002-07-14T05:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/41 "2002-07-15T13:52:35Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally Posted by Homebrew:_ > Stop, Drop and Roll > Doesn’t Work in Hell BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now **that’s** funny! [sub]Swampbear, who really needs to get a life[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/42 "2002-07-15T14:50:24Z")
“God answers knee-mail” ---
**Author:** ![tetsusaru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f14d63/32.png) [@tetsusaru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tetsusaru)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/43 "2002-07-15T14:57:04Z")
No Shirt? No Shoes? No Salvation. ---
**Author:** ![cleosia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@cleosia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cleosia)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/44 "2002-07-15T15:11:48Z")
When I was in high school, my bus passed church that used to have very funny sayings that changed weekly. (It was a long time ago and I don’t remember them now.) My friend and I looked forward to seeing the quote of the week. Eventually, I guess they got another pastor, because they went from being funny to being nothing but preachy. I saw one extremely arrogant bumper sticker: [quote] You’d smile too if you were going to heaven. [quote] ---
**Author:** ![red\_dragon60](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@red\_dragon60](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/red_dragon60)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/45 "2002-07-15T15:30:56Z")
If #2 pencils are used the most, why are they number two? Hehehe, Lutheran humor! ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/46 "2002-07-15T16:21:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by red\_dragon60 \* > \*\*If #2 pencils are used the most, why are they number two? > Hehehe, Lutheran humor! \*\* Huh? I guess I’m not Lutheran because I don’t get it. The # refers to the hardness. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/47 "2002-07-15T16:42:10Z")
There is a church down the highway from me, and they have a big, tacky hand-lettered sign on construction debris that says “St. Anne’s Church”. I’m gonna sneak down there at dark of moon and change it to “St. Anne’s Crotch”! 😃 * * * Jesus was in a coma. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/48 "2002-07-15T17:06:16Z")
Being a church goer, i don’t find them annoying at all. I saw 2 cute ones lately: Jesus is a fisher of men You catch em, He’ll clean em and To avoid getting burned, get close to the Son ---
**Author:** ![absimia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbe5ce/32.png) [@absimia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absimia)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/49 "2002-07-15T17:50:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sterra \* > \*\*“Welcome to McDonalds” \*\* That reminds me of a billboard I saw when driving between Springfield and Chicago. I guess you could rent half of it, because it said: McDonalds Big Mac 1/4 mile | Tell them Jesus sent you. I damn near drove off the road. I was still chuckling when I went to the McD’s and told them God wants me to have a Big Mac. ---
**Author:** ![crazy4chaucer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@crazy4chaucer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazy4chaucer)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/50 "2002-07-15T18:02:10Z")
I saw one once that said, “What a friend we have in Jesus.” But some smart-aleck had come along and taken the “r” out of “friend.” teehee. Even though I am a church-goer, I still found it amusing. And yes, we did notify someone at the church so they could fix it. ---
**Author:** ![peasea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc79bd/32.png) [@peasea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peasea)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/51 "2002-07-15T19:26:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Jesus is a fisher of men > You catch em, > He’ll clean em What delightful imagery. The son of God is waiting to peel your skin off and rip your guts out. > [@](#): > > I saw one once that said, “What a friend we have in Jesus.” But some smart-aleck had come along and taken the “r” out of “friend.” teehee. Even though I am a church-goer, I still found it amusing. And yes, we did notify someone at the church so they could fix it. When I was in high school, some friends and I saw one that read, “We’re growing one person at a time.” We took off a bunch of letters and got one from the other side so that it read, “We’re growing dope.” Pretty juvenile, yes. I wouldn’t do such a thing now, but I still get a chuckle out of it. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/52 "2002-07-15T23:19:00Z")
“To get to heaven: Turn right and go straight.” Well, I guess that blows it for all the homosexuals! (they usually turn left at the light…) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/53 "2002-07-15T23:30:08Z")
The church in my neighborhood has a two-sided display forty feet off the ground. On one side: “The best vitamin for a Christian – B-1” On the other side: “We pledge allegiance to Jesus” As long as you take them as basically patting themselves on the back and congratulating themselves for their choice of faith, they’re not too bad. Convincing to the nonbelievers, not at all. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2002, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/54 "2002-07-15T23:52:53Z")
peasea: I never thought of it That way! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/55 "2002-07-16T00:25:02Z")
New one from the church down the street: God one nation :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/56 "2002-07-16T00:39:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, I guess that blows it for all the homosexuals! ba-dum-bump ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/57 "2002-07-16T00:46:17Z")
“Atheists have no invisible means of support.” :rolleyes: Where’s the “THPPPBBBPPTTT!” smilie when you need it? ---
**Author:** ![PosterChild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e274bd/32.png) [@PosterChild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PosterChild)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/58 "2002-07-16T01:43:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*Huh? I guess I’m not Lutheran because I don’t get it. The # refers to the hardness. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![sbic56](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@sbic56](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sbic56)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/59 "2002-07-16T02:06:53Z")
“Religion is like soap; those who need it most use it least.” Annoys the crap out of me how they think they are soooo clever. Well, here’s one back: “Jesus touched me…where I pee.” ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2002, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880/60 "2002-07-16T04:38:38Z")
These are some church signs that I’ve seen and taken pictres of: “IF YOU WAS CLOSE TO GOD AND NOW YOU ARE NOT WHO MOVED” —if you ever gets good grammar will you change your sign “JESUS IS COMING LOOK BUSY” * * * “GIVE GOD BACK HIS HOUSE ANDY” –Not sure what that’s supposed to mean “THIS IS NOT DAIRY QUEEN BUT WE DO HAVE GOOD SUNDAYS” —Haha what an amazing pun : | [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annoying-church-sign-messages-part-whatever-were-at-now/118880.md?page=4)