# Annual "Things stuck in human opennings" listings.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 26, 2016, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626 "2016-12-26T02:37:31Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/1 "2016-12-26T02:37:31Z")
"Deadspin’s Christmas Day tradition returns. It is time to sound the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. Below are the strangest, most awkwardly shaped, and least pleasant objects that America has shoved into its various holes. God bless us, everyone.
As always, objects are sorted by orifice, working south:"
> **[What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?](https://deadspin.com/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year-1790335507)**
>
> Deadspin’s Christmas Day tradition returns. It is time to sound the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. Below are the strangest, most awkwardly shaped, and least pleasant objects that America...
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/2 "2016-12-26T09:45:51Z")
A broom handle stuck in the ass? Couldn’t it just be pulled out? Unless it was … the other end??? :eek:
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### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/3 "2016-12-26T10:48:26Z")
> [@panache45](#):
>
> A broom handle stuck in the ass? Couldn’t it just be pulled out? Unless it was … the other end??? :eek:
Wood absorbs moisture and I guess that can make it stick to moist membranes. Could be that it wouldn’t pull out on its own without causing a prolapse.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/4 "2016-12-26T11:24:01Z")
> [@panache45](#):
>
> A broom handle stuck in the ass? Couldn’t it just be pulled out?
It could have been the handle of a small broom or a sawed-off portion of one, and the whole thing got lost inside. Or it could have had things attached to it for “stimulation” purposes.
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### Author:  [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/5 "2016-12-26T15:23:56Z")
> [@](#):
>
> 3 INCH STRAIGHT PIN
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
> [@](#):
>
> “USING A VIBRATOR LAST NIGHT, THOUGHT WAS INSERTING IN VAGINA, INTERRUPTED BY MOM & SAT UP QUICKLY, INSERTED IN RECTUM, CAN’T REMOVE”
:smack:😃
> [@](#):
>
> “SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM”
:D:D:D
Man, these make me miss working in the ER.
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### Author:  [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/6 "2016-12-26T15:54:33Z")
The dog’s paw in the ear has me very puzzled. Was it a very small dog and a very large ear? 😕
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### Author:  [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/7 "2016-12-26T19:36:50Z")
> [@](#):
>
> “ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A PILL BOTTLE WHEN TAKING HIS MEDICATION”
How?! lol Somehow I find that more implausible than ‘accidentally’ sitting on a broom.
> [@](#):
>
> WINE CORK WRAPPED IN PAPER TOWELS, ELECTRICAL TAPE & A CONDOM
Ok seriously, just buy a damn dildo.
And guys, really…does it feel that good putting something up your bone ranger? Cause damn. I just can’t see it…
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/8 "2016-12-26T20:42:46Z")
Bowling pin? BOWLING PIN?
I have to know - which end? Of the pin, I mean. It’s obvious which end of the patient it found its way into.
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/9 "2016-12-26T20:55:53Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> Bowling pin? BOWLING PIN?
>
> I have to know - which end? Of the pin, I mean. It’s obvious which end of the patient it found its way into.
I think the more important issue is whether they’ve accounted for the other nine pins.
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### Author:  [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/10 "2016-12-26T21:38:33Z")
A friend who spent more than 30 years as an ER nurse (she’s now taken her PhD and moved into teaching) used to share stories of the unusual things people had “up there”. She said the commonest excuse was “I just sat on the couch without looking!” As if people normally sit down, naked, in the dark, with sufficient force to embed deeply enough to be beyond retrieval such items as: hair brushes, cucumbers and other fruits and vegetables, soda bottles _and_ cans, items of statuary, mechanic’s tools, and variously shaped wooden objects of other intended uses. These insertions were observed in both males and females, and were found both anally and vaginally.
But the one that cracked me up (no pun intended) was a woman who had sufficient stretch to her vagina, and sufficient motivation, as to shove her item so far that it was no longer visible from the outside. And apparently she hesitated for at least a day before the discomfort drove her to seek help. I totally broke up at my friend’s deadpan speaking of the simple words “jelly jar”. In fact, I’m chuckling now. 😃
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/11 "2016-12-26T23:25:55Z")
“…and a partridge in a pear tree.”
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/12 "2016-12-26T23:28:10Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#):
>
> I just can’t see it…
Like you’ve never whittled down an ivory domino until it was the size of a hairpin and pushed it into your urethrea.
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/13 "2016-12-26T23:49:45Z")
> [@CannyDan](#):
>
> But the one that cracked me up (no pun intended) was a woman who had sufficient stretch to her vagina, and sufficient motivation, as to shove her item so far that it was no longer visible from the outside. And apparently she hesitated for at least a day before the discomfort drove her to seek help. I totally broke up at my friend’s deadpan speaking of the simple words “jelly jar”. In fact, I’m chuckling now. 😃
I never could understand that “foreign object in vagina” thing, unless it was up there long enough that it got stuck (which is possible) or she had some kind of internal prolapse and couldn’t find it.
There’s a reason why pharmacists tell patients to unwrap suppositories before inserting them, BTW.
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [December 26, 2016, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/14 "2016-12-26T23:56:42Z")
We’ve been discussing [spoiler][https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile\_subincision[/spoiler]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_subincision%5B/spoiler%5D) on another website, and of course I thought of that when I saw the “penis” list. :eek:
Warning: IMNSHO, it’s more grotesque than female genital mutilation.
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### Author:  [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2016, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/15 "2016-12-27T00:11:25Z")
Some of these, one wonders exactly how they made it from home to the emergency room. Lying face down in the back of a van, perhaps.
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### Author:  [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2016, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/16 "2016-12-27T00:55:47Z")
15 years in the ER.
Spaghetti squash.
Expanding foam insulation.
Finesse hairspray (sometimes you need a lot).
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### Author:  [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2016, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/17 "2016-12-27T01:46:07Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#):
>
> Expanding foam insulation.
I guess they took the phrase ‘a grower not a shower’ a bit too seriously huh?🆒
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### Author:  [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2016, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/18 "2016-12-27T03:27:33Z")
That stuff really works. Can’t recommend it even if your colon has the chills.
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### Author:  [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2016, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/19 "2016-12-27T07:38:19Z")
[100-watt electric light bulb.](http://www.well.com/~cynsa/bulb.html)
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### Author:  [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)
#### Post date: [December 27, 2016, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/20 "2016-12-27T17:46:43Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#):
>
> 15 years in the ER.
> Spaghetti squash.
> Expanding foam insulation.
> Finesse hairspray (sometimes you need a lot).
I love that you included the specific type of squash. The fact that you recall the details of butternut vs. spaghetti vs. another possible variety would make me tip my hat to you, doctor, if indeed I was wearing one.
Unfortunately, I sat upon it last night in the dark and, uhm, am considering a face-down-back-of-van ride myself. 😃
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