# Annual "Things stuck in human opennings" listings. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 26, 2016, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626 "2016-12-26T02:37:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/21 "2016-12-27T18:24:01Z")
Gotta wonder about the stuff that doesn’t get to the ER. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/22 "2016-12-27T18:33:55Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I think the more important issue is whether they’ve accounted for the other nine pins. Nurse… fetch my bowling ball please. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/23 "2016-12-27T18:41:38Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > Gotta wonder about the stuff that doesn’t get to the ER. Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it?! I mean, how on earth do people LOSE things in a vagina? A vagina is not like a goddamned magician’s hat. It is not an AD&D portable hole. It has a beginning and a middle and an end. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/24 "2016-12-27T19:03:05Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > Expanding foam insulation. This one sounds to me like something done as a prank on a drunk person. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/25 "2016-12-27T19:18:41Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it?! I mean, how on earth do people LOSE things in a vagina? A vagina is not like a goddamned magician’s hat. It is not an AD&D portable hole. It has a beginning and a middle and an end. Some women are acculturated to consider the area ‘dirty’ and be hesitant to go spelunking for lost items. And to further embarrass myself, I had to ask mrAru to extract my Diva cup the first time I tried to use it …:o I just couldn’t manage to bend in such a manner that I could comfortably spelunk for a slippery little silicone device. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/26 "2016-12-27T20:34:54Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > Expanding foam insulation. :eek: I accidentally got that stuff all over both hands and up one arm once - it was impossible to clean off properly and when it dried, it tore my skin and ripped my arm hair out when it came off. I can’t imagine what it would be like anywhere… \… more sensitive than that. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/27 "2016-12-27T21:19:46Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it?! I mean, how on earth do people LOSE things in a vagina? A vagina is not like a goddamned magician’s hat. It is not an AD&D portable hole. It has a beginning and a middle and an end. Not only that, but the things they choose to insert. Look, a cucumber I can understand. But a lightbulb? I don’t even understand the _potential_ appeal of that. It just demonstrates poor judgment. ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/28 "2016-12-27T21:45:03Z")
Well, anyone can sit on an acorn squash. Comes out with gentle heating and a pound of butter. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/29 "2016-12-27T22:13:15Z")
No men this year accidentally fell on their vacuum cleaners, landing penis-first? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/30 "2016-12-27T22:31:17Z")
> [@CannyDan](#): > > As if people normally sit down, naked, in the dark, with sufficient force to embed deeply enough to be beyond retrieval such items as: hair brushes, cucumbers and other fruits and vegetables, soda bottles _and_ cans, items of statuary, mechanic’s tools, and variously shaped wooden objects of other intended uses. These insertions were observed in both males and females, and were found both anally and vaginally. I think it’s one of those things you’re allowed to lie about and the medical personnel are expected to pretend to believe. “Oh, don’t worry about it, lot’s of people accidently get a vibrating cell phone up there.” ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/31 "2016-12-27T23:25:30Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Some women are acculturated to consider the area ‘dirty’ and be hesitant to go spelunking for lost items. > > And to further embarrass myself, I had to ask mrAru to extract my Diva cup the first time I tried to use it …:o I just couldn’t manage to bend in such a manner that I could comfortably spelunk for a slippery little silicone device. Many years ago, I worked with a woman who said that when she was about 14 years old, she couldn’t find a tampon she’d inserted - and even worse, her mom was out of town and she was alone with her father for the weekend. :o He took her to the ER, because this was not long after all the news about toxic shock syndrome, and the ER doctor said this wasn’t all that unusual a problem, and one that’s important to take care of, not only because of TSS but also because they can smell really bad if they’re left in too long. He (the doctor) removed that tampon with a hemostat, which was especially embarrassing for her because she was a virgin (and yes, her dad did step out of the room). Maybe the string broke off; IDK. (Tampax uses very tightly sewn-on strings; other brands don’t necessarily do that.) ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/32 "2016-12-27T23:30:25Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > No men this year accidentally fell on their vacuum cleaners, landing penis-first? When I was in college, I had a classmate who had worked in a pathology lab, and she said all kinds of…OBJECTS…ended up there. Her favorite story was the dildo that came in in some guy’s rectum one evening; what’s remarkable about this is that someone stole it. :eek: They never found out who. I’m posting this here because she said that the grossest thing that came into that hospital was women who used a vacuum cleaner to perform a self-abortion. This city had an abortion clinic, too! They were usually teenage girls, or married women who were unfaithful and/or in an abusive marriage who didn’t want their husbands to know they were pregnant. I have never encountered evidence of that at any place I’ve worked at; however, the admission reason may have been disguised. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/33 "2016-12-27T23:54:02Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > A broom handle stuck in the ass? Couldn’t it just be pulled out? Unless it was … the other end??? :eek: Might be a ‘Swiffer WetJet’…? “[Whats that make Mommy do…?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGc-qUjmT8Y&feature=youtu.be&t=9)” :eek: (…hope to Hell you change that cartridge before you use it again, Lady…) ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/34 "2016-12-28T01:13:29Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > Not only that, but the things they choose to insert. Look, a cucumber I can understand. But a lightbulb? I don’t even understand the _potential_ appeal of that. It just demonstrates poor judgment. How else you going to find the car keys? ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/35 "2016-12-28T01:39:32Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > 15 years in the ER. > Expanding foam insulation. > [@JcWoman](#): > > This one sounds to me like something done as a prank on a drunk person. > [@Mangetout](#): > > :eek: I accidentally got that stuff all over both hands and up one arm once - it was impossible to clean off properly and when it dried, it tore my skin and ripped my arm hair out when it came off. I can’t imagine what it would be like anywhere… \… more sensitive than that. If someone did that as a prank, I’d think it would be considered assault. It’s great stuff for its intended purpose, but injected into a human orifice? Holy shit. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/36 "2016-12-28T04:02:05Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > No men this year accidentally fell on their vacuum cleaners, landing penis-first? Or a robot arm … because that’s all he needed. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/37 "2016-12-30T16:47:46Z")
They don’t even have a code for that. ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2016, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626/38 "2016-12-31T03:57:14Z")
You mean there’s a _code_ for _jelly jar?_ POP go my illusions! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/annual-things-stuck-in-human-opennings-listings/775626.md?page=1)