# Anonymous abused woman. What to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 20, 2023, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-abused-woman-what-to-do/993438 "2023-11-20T19:11:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-abused-woman-what-to-do/993438/61 "2023-11-21T18:09:56Z")
Ja, what she drunkenly told me was in confidence as far as talking to random strangers is private. I would not have told anything to the cops except she was unfit to drive. I have to respect her privacy and autonomy. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-abused-woman-what-to-do/993438/62 "2023-11-21T19:59:52Z")
There may be variations of this in the men’s room as well, because men can certainly be DV victims. It’s a bigger problem in the LGBT+ community than many people realize. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-abused-woman-what-to-do/993438/63 "2023-11-21T21:28:31Z")
> [@scudsucker](#): > > Ja, she may not even remember me… I want to make the world a better place. This woman’s plight means a lot to me, particularly as I am helpless… Accept your helplessness. I feel every bit of this. I’ve had friends and coworkers (and random people at the bar) who I just can’t help. I’ve got a random woman former coworker who’ll call me up for coffee, show up a half hour late, or one time an hour early. And tell me stories that merely hint at an out-of-control life (Wait, she ‘had to leave’ _another_ apartment? But she was living with Fiancé Number Two since the latest divorce, wasn’t she?). And luckily I figured out that I was powerless to help at all, _BEFORE_ I got entangled in her drama-of-the-month. But I used to just listen and keep my questions and my need to know what’s going on in check. And lately I haven’t even been doing that, as she hasn’t called in ages, and I never call her. I pray and hope that means her life’s under control and she doesn’t need to vent. But I doubt I’ll ever not wonder whatever happened to her. And now you have one of those, and I hope you can look back on this as a bullet dodged (maybe literally). ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2023, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-abused-woman-what-to-do/993438/64 "2023-11-21T23:15:33Z")
When I was in college in the early 1990s, I lived in an apartment that shared a wall with a bigger unit occupied by several women with whom I worked, and their roommate, who was in an abusive relationship. One morning, I was awakened by him slamming her against the wall and screaming at her. I didn’t call the police, which got me a lot of heat at work, but first of all, I didn’t want the police showing up and they say “Oh, there’s nothing going on here” and she gets beaten up worse, or killed, and second of all, I didn’t really have any big desire to have him somehow figure out I called, and break my door down or go after me in some other way. Was I selfish? Probably, but I value my life too. The roommates told her in no uncertain terms, “Either he goes, or YOU go” so SHE MOVED IN WITH HIM (big surprise) and I later heard that he was arrested on a bridge because he was smacking her around on that bridge in broad daylight, and a cop happened to be driving by. This was obviously before cell phones. I sure hope she eventually got rid of him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-abused-woman-what-to-do/993438.md?page=3)