# Anonymous Gay Sex in the Park - Common? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 25, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788 "2006-11-25T22:25:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/41 "2006-11-27T16:56:30Z")
[QUOTE=Stout] I guess I better mention that I live a block from one of these parks, and regularly pass through that park and I tend to avoid the cruising area simply because the furtive atmosphere really creeps me out. [/QUOTE] I was walking my dog through Golden Gate Park one afternoon, just kind of wandering around trails I hadn’t been on before. I saw up ahead a group of people all just kind of milling around, but no one was interacting or really doing anything but waiting for… something. They sure seemed interested in me, though, as I got closer. Kept my head down and gave thanks I had a dog with me. I didn’t really know what they were up to, but it was one of the creepier moments of my life. I told my old boss about it (he lives right near there) and he said it was a gay cruising spot. My boss is one of those “if you don’t bother the gays, they won’t bother you”\* types, so I don’t really consider him an authority on gay culture, but the more I thought about it, the more plausible it was. Then again, I imagine there’s gotta be better places in San Francisco to find anonymous gay sex. If nothing else, it’s chilly in the park. \*-I was about to say “What are they, bears?” but then I realized that the answer could very well be yes. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2006, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/42 "2006-11-27T17:35:04Z")
[QUOTE=Stout] matt\_mcl, no doubt climate plays a large part in the frequency of this type of activity, but livingout here on the wet coast, allows these guys to go all year. Sex in a Montreal park during the winter would be a real challenge. [/QUOTE] Kinda reminds me of a cute cartoon I saw in a gay mag years ago. The caption was “Cruising in Minnesota” and it showed these two guys walking past each other in a snow storm. They were both completely bundled up head to toe - snow suits, boots, mittens, scarves, hats, ear muffs - and the one glances down towards the other guy’s butt as they pass and thinks to himself, “nice ass.” Anyhoo, even here in warm California I’ve seen cruising by car. They used to do it in this one area of Sacramento. It was at the end of a wide street that dead ended near the river in an industrial type warehouse area. Once the bars closed there’d be a stream of cars which would head over to this area and you’d see all these cars slowly driving a circuit at the end of this street. It was kind of amusing watching these cars slowly approach each other, come to a stop, maybe a few words are exchanged then you see the cars leave together. Aw, car love. I wouldn’t be surprised if that form of cruising takes place in colder climates. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/43 "2006-11-28T01:11:43Z")
Google the phrase “on the down low” for more information on this phenomenon. That’s what the practice is called(although not exclusively) in the black community. It’s gotten a lot of press lately WRT concerns about the spread of AIDS and other STDs (since many of the men involved don’t consider themselves “gay” or even “bi”, condom use is sporadic at best). ---
**Author:** ![mks57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@mks57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mks57)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 8:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/44 "2006-11-28T08:58:00Z")
It’s very annoying when you can’t use a restroom in a park or department store without getting propositioned by some stranger. I don’t care what people do in the privacy of their home. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slip\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f475e1/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slip\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slip_1)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/45 "2006-11-28T12:20:36Z")
[QUOTE=fessie] Is this a typical feature of gay culture? [/QUOTE] (donning the “gay spokesperson” hat) There is a subsection of men who have sex with men (MSM for short) who cruise parks for sex. They also may cruise bathrooms (“tearooms”) or bookstores. They may identify as gay, bi, or “straight”. I have known “bush queens”, but not many. Most of my friends would rather go to their comfy homes rather than scratchy bushes (and biting insects and vice squad raids). Reasons listed for cruising parks included the thrill of getting caught (which I guess sounds good until it actually happens) and/or the thrill of fellating a “straight guy” (who doesn’t sound completely “straight” if he’s letting a guy blow him). So, typical? No. A part? Yes. Sounds like it’s a subpart of horny male culture to me 🙂 (taking off hat) ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/46 "2006-11-28T13:43:12Z")
Thanks for sharing your opinions and experiences. I enjoy hearing about the ways other people live. The “straight-bi-gay” thing with men & bj’s, it kind of throws me. People talk about men having gay sex in prison, and I always figured that desperate times call for desperate measures. But does “park cruising” just mean “horny men”, and not “gay men”? Are straight men tempted to try it? Is that why men seem to be so much more homophobic than women? As a straight woman, I’ve had a couple of “girl crushes” over the years, but I couldn’t possibly imagine acting on those sexually. Anonymous sex with another woman? Absolutely not (that’s what the produce department is for). Men and women are so different. Like Elaine said, “I don’t know how you put up with those things.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slip\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f475e1/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slip\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slip_1)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/47 "2006-11-28T17:44:44Z")
[QUOTE=fessie] The “straight-bi-gay” thing with men & bj’s, it kind of throws me. People talk about men having gay sex in prison, and I always figured that desperate times call for desperate measures. But does “park cruising” just mean “horny men”, and not “gay men”? Are straight men tempted to try it? Is that why men seem to be so much more homophobic than women? [/QUOTE] (puts his “gay spokesperson” hat back on and tilts it at a fashionable angle :D) I think the problem that we’re running into is society’s pigeonholing of sexual orientation, when it is really more of a spectrum. [linky](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale) Women, for whatever reason, have increased latitude in terms of orientation. For men, it’s more an either/or (read as straight/gay) proposition, with some assorted bisexuals thrown in just to confuse people 🙂 In reality (and IMHO), I would suspect that men’s and women’s innate orientation “curves” are more similar than different. But, because of societal “norms”, a number of men who aren’t exactly Kinsey “zeros” profess to be zeros, even if they have sexual interest in other men. In terms of homophobic responses, there has been discussion about how the more vitriolic 'phobes are repressing homosexual leanings. That’s for another thread, I’d guess. (putting his stylish hat back on the mannequin’s head) ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/48 "2006-11-30T08:25:36Z")
[QUOTE=Freudian\_Slip] I have known “bush queens”, but not many. Most of my friends would rather go to their comfy homes rather than scratchy bushes (and biting insects and vice squad raids). Reasons listed for cruising parks included the thrill of getting caught (which I guess sounds good until it actually happens) and/or the thrill of fellating a “straight guy” (who doesn’t sound completely “straight” if he’s letting a guy blow him). [/QUOTE] Is it possible that some guys don’t want their hookups to know where they live? Or that to them, the risk of getting caught \< the risk of being seen en route to their house? Or they **can’t** bring someone home? Or leaving the park would make the encounter harder to rationalize as just something that happened? ---
**Author:** ![Future\_Londonite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9dc877/32.png) [@Future\_Londonite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Future_Londonite)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/49 "2006-11-30T09:49:38Z")
I have been occassionaly to one of the cruising parks in DC. Mainly two reasons made me come back. For one it was nice to be in the woods, sit on a treestump, read a book and listen to music, feeling as if was in the middle of the woods yet within 5 mins walk of Dupont Circle. Secondly I liked to see who was interested in me. Maybe I have some severe self-esteem issues or major kinks (I don’t care) but I liked the fact that would be interested in me even though I hardly ever acted upon it - for me it was more about the hunt (the cruising) and not the kill (getting it on). Did I admit/tell my friends I would go there? No - even though in the gay community hooking up is quite common (whether in bars or online), hooking up in crzuising parks is still considered something dirty. I still don’t see the difference between cruising a park or cruising online from the point of looking for sex ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/50 "2006-12-01T00:17:33Z")
I think there are two reasons this “cruising area” phenomenon occurs) (1) an anonymous hookup when you’re really horny can be fast with no attachment necessary (although that happens); and (2) when you’re a gay (or “straight”) man who _really_ needs to get off _now_ (so I’ve heard ;)) going to a gay cruising area (park, peep show, etc.) guarantees that, at least when you make a move, you know your “fellow congregants” are at least interested in what you’re interested in (man on man sex), even if not necessarily interested in you. That way, there’s no fear of phobic rejection (or worse), although homophobes have been know to seek out these places to find people to be victims of their larceny and violence victims. Who’s gonna tell? (Oh right, Kevin Spacey.) BTW, I have a young friend (who I suspect was severely sexually abused by his father – he won’t admit it) who spends several hours a day, _almost every day_, in a park cruising area. He usually engages (but doesn’t always) in sexual activity. I think he he just has extreme need for the sexual attention. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788/51 "2006-12-01T00:18:42Z")
that’s “victims of their larceny and violence.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/anonymous-gay-sex-in-the-park-common/381788.md?page=2)