# Another awkward party situation **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2014, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717 "2014-08-03T14:53:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/61 "2014-08-04T19:43:44Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > My take is pretty much the same as everyone else’s. This wasn’t just rude, it was major-league rude. It’s pretty rude to invite people to a party without at least some sort of light munchies and a reasonable assortment of drinks. But what takes it over the top is the abundant evidence that the real party had already happened, you weren’t good enough to be invited, and she was rubbing your face (metaphorically, at least) in the crumbs left over. > > But if this was the bride from that thread you linked to, the part I have a hard time getting my head around is that she would have enough friends to have a first-tier party where all the goodies were devoured before you got there. > > Let’s see: you got a tour of the house, and this cornucopia of food and drink weren’t pointed out enroute. And your hostess mentioned the possibility of sausages in the fridge, and either you checked, or the fridge was checked for you, and no sausages. Or presumably any other major leftovers from the ‘real’ party that you could have been served instead. > > Have you talked today with any of your co-workers who went to the party, other than the hostess? If so, what did they think about it all? One doesn’t work in this office, so I hardly ever see him. The other wasn’t in today. But she was so drunk…I don’t know if her memory is to be trusted! Regarding the sausages…they were casually mentioned but not in a “go get you some sausages!” way. It was more like the husband was saying he could have grilled more, since he did have some left in the fridge. I didn’t actually look in the refrigerator to confirm because that seems kind of forward to me. Also, while I was hungry, I wasn’t hungry enough to fire up a grill. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/62 "2014-08-04T19:58:35Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > …say, maybe that’s a clue…? > \*Gooey Gooey food! Where are you? > Don’t be a stingy jerk now! > Gooey Gooey food! Where are you? > Come Feed co-workers too now! > > C’mon Gooey Food! I see you! > there’s crumbs left on the silver > You’re not foolin me, cause I can see > the gifts that you just pilfered! > > We know you gotta brand new house (you cheapo-louse!) > so go on and serve up a snack! (Don’t hold back!) > Cause Gooey food > If you come through, you’re gonna > save yourself a lotta flack > (thats a fact!) > > Gooey Gooey food! Where are you? > This plate, it isn’t fillin’ > We should snack on you, Gooey Food! > Before tapping kegs or chillin… > \* Normally I don’t find lyrical posts funny, but this is hilarious. Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/63 "2014-08-04T20:48:18Z")
That’s the rudest, stupidest party I’ve ever heard of. I would cross her off my party list permanently, as either guest or host. And you don’t have to produce any reason for declining future invitations beyond “I’m sorry, I have other plans.” ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/64 "2014-08-04T21:23:43Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Normally I don’t find lyrical posts funny, but this is hilarious. Thank you! No Problem! Besides, while I’m a big fan of party games, “scavenger hunt” really isn’t the right way to cater a house warming. Velma- “Look! Twisting this lamp moves the bookcase…!” Shaggy- “Zoinks! That bowl still has three triskets & a wheat-thin left!” Scooby- _munch_ “Hee-HEE-Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee!” ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/65 "2014-08-04T21:23:59Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Queef I think. > [@Accidental\_Martyr](#): > > That’s a “queef”. > [Urban Dictionary: Queef](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Queef) > [Vaginal flatulence - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_flatulence) > > ETA: Too late. Huh… googled it and somehow found that spelling 😕 ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/66 "2014-08-05T00:08:58Z")
Honestly, if one of my coworkers asked me to come to a birthday party for her husband, who I didn’t know, my immediate reaction would be, “I’m busy.” What an odd, awkward situation. I mean, even serving Dr. Pepper is odd. If you’re going to serve just two types of soda, there’s an unwritten rule that it’s Pepsi and Diet Coke. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/67 "2014-08-05T11:03:18Z")
> [@Sam Lowry](#): > > This sounds a little strange to me, but if it’s normal for your region, there’s nothing wrong with it. Do the invitations make it clear to the second tier people that they are part of the second bunch? Yes, absolutely - the usual phrase is “evening reception” and a time will be clearly stated (say, 7pm - to allow plenty of time for the main meal and speeches to finish). It is expected that some food will be provided gratis, drinks are usually on you as the guest. My wife and I recently received a wedding invitation from a friend of hers where she is invited to the whole thing, and I am only invited for the evening. I am in no way offended by this - weddings are expensive to host! ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/68 "2014-08-05T14:09:18Z")
It is always rude to ask for a gift of money. Always. The party happened before you got there. And I would have voiced my complaints, but I’m like that. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/69 "2014-08-05T15:20:58Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > It is always rude to ask for a gift of money. Always. > > The party happened before you got there. And I would have voiced my complaints, but I’m like that. I may or may not have depending on how well I knew the coworker prior, how cranky I was feeling that day, and how hungry/thirsty I was. However, I definitely would have aired grievances if she started to give me shit about “only” drinking Dr. Pepper the Monday after - and not very politely at that. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/70 "2014-08-05T15:59:15Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > In terms of asking for contributions towards the honeymoon as a wedding gift, I think it’s fine to ask for that instead of household items (because many people these days already have a full compliment of crockery/saucepans/electricals/whatever by the time they get married), it means that those who want to give a gift can contribute something that will be appreciated by the happy couple rather than something that will sit at the back of the cupboard for 20 years. The whole point of wedding gifts is that two young people are just starting out their lives and the cost of setting up a whole new household is exorbitant. Thus, their friends and family get together to each contribute a little to the cause and make it less financially painful. These days I see most people getting married at an age where they both have their own household set up and they are already going to have to throw shit out just to make room for each other. Why the hell do they need more crap/cash? Annoys me. > [@monstro](#): > > In the breakroom today she mentioned all the leftovers they had. How that’s all they’ve been eating all weekend, and how they had to throw so much away due to lack of room in the refrigerator. I just sat there and nodded my head and pretended I wasn’t mentally cursing. You need to stand the hell up. You are getting walked over by being too quiet. This would be the perfect time to have said, “Oh? None of us from the office were able to find anything to eat. Was all the extra food on a table off in some other room?” How is she going to be a less shitty hostess in the future if she doesn’t know she is a shitty hostess now? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/71 "2014-08-05T15:59:26Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > Yes, absolutely - the usual phrase is “evening reception” and a time will be clearly stated (say, 7pm - to allow plenty of time for the main meal and speeches to finish). It is expected that some food will be provided gratis, drinks are usually on you as the guest. My wife and I recently received a wedding invitation from a friend of hers where she is invited to the whole thing, and I am only invited for the evening. I am in no way offended by this - weddings are expensive to host! Do they at least clean up the dishes? When we did it, we did it in three completely different locations so no one felt we were rubbing their noses in "some people got steak and some people got hors d’oeuvres. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/72 "2014-08-05T16:22:25Z")
I guess I am officially old; in my day (cackling) we didn’t host a party or a wedding and invite people we could not afford to feed! We had only the parties we could pay for!! Now get off my lawn. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/73 "2014-08-05T16:43:56Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Do they at least clean up the dishes? When we did it, we did it in three completely different locations so no one felt we were rubbing their noses in "some people got steak and some people got hors d’oeuvres. Yeah, this. I wouldn’t have minded if she’d invited us to come over later, after the first party was over and they’d had a chance to clean up. The way it was done, I felt like we’d arrived late to something–which is something a punctual person like me hates. And I’m sure that’s how we appeared to the attendees present. Like a bunch of johnny-come-latelies. It was an awkward feeling. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/74 "2014-08-05T16:51:41Z")
Holy shit, this reminds me why I never carpool if I can help it - I have to be able to escape when crap like this happens. Unbelievably rude, and to keep talking about it and picking on you afterward just makes it worse. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/75 "2014-08-05T16:53:35Z")
Kay: I bet I’m young enough to be your son, but I agree with you completely! ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/76 "2014-08-05T18:44:50Z")
This is the most unanimous thread I can remember reading in quite a while. Absolutely not normal, and also rude! To me there’s a difference between a coworker and “my friend from work.” Right now I work alone and so currently have neither, but do remember what it was like. I’d be surprised to be invited to a friend from work’s husband’s birthday party unless I’d socialized with both of them. In your place I’d wish I had the nerve to steal something from her house, like an ashtray or a deck of cards, not an iPad. You brought two gifts and didn’t even get cake? The mind reels. I’m trying very hard to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she intended to save the cake until you’d all arrived but Aunt Eunice wanted cake now! so she didn’t feel as if she had a choice. I’m a people pleaser, I’d cave to Aunt Eunice’s demands. But I’d also send my sister to Safeway for another cake. ---
**Author:** ![RobDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@RobDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RobDog)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/77 "2014-08-05T18:55:08Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > … You weren’t invited to a party, you were invited to…well I don’t know what you were invited to… A cake wake? ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/78 "2014-08-05T19:00:13Z")
> [@flight](#): > > You need to stand the hell up. You are getting walked over by being too quiet. This would be the perfect time to have said, “Oh? None of us from the office were able to find anything to eat. Was all the extra food on a table off in some other room?” > > How is she going to be a less shitty hostess in the future if she doesn’t know she is a shitty hostess now? This is a good point. The OP should have said something. If not during the party (E.g., “Where’s the food?”) then the next day at work when the co-worker complained of too many leftovers (“Wait, there were leftovers? I didn’t see _any_ food _anywhere_.”). ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/79 "2014-08-05T19:10:38Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > This is a good point. The OP should have said something. If not during the party (E.g., “Where’s the food?”) then the next day at work when the co-worker complained of too many leftovers (“Wait, there were leftovers? I didn’t see _any_ food _anywhere_.”). I see what ya’ll are saying, but I don’t know how I could do this without hurting her feelings. And since she’s the type to cry at her desk all day long over hurt feelings (she really is this sensitive), I don’t think this is wise workplace behavior. I should have said something at the party though. I could have said, “OK. Enough chitchat. I’m hungry. Can you point me to some grub?” I was too passive and polite. My only excuse is that the awkward entrance made me unsure of the proper protocol. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717/80 "2014-08-05T19:15:18Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > (OK, just to stave off the Dutch people who object: it does seem to be particular to older generation non-urban working class people. But it is not acceptable party behaviour. Foreigners, beware of party invitations from Dutch people.) I’m 100% Dutch and know exactly the kind of do you are talking about. Awful. The Dutch are also famous for offering one biscuit then closing the tin to prevent anyone having - gasp - a second biscuit. Currently I am living in Italy. Here in the north, food is already highly unlikely to run out. However, in the south I think people would spontaneously combust out of sheer embarrassment were they in the host’s position in the situation described by the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-awkward-party-situation/694717.md?page=5)