# Another bathroom etiquette memo: Do you have a prehensile rectum? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 7, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367 "2001-08-07T22:42:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/21 "2001-08-08T17:17:54Z")
LOL!!! šŸ˜ƒ BillyR., I must say that what youā€™ve described is absolutely one of the most disgusting things Iā€™ve read in a while. Thank you. I needed that laugh. But I swear, itā€™s a fitting commentary on what the world is coming to when supposedly civilized folks donā€™t know how to take a dump or a piss and then clean up after themselves. Yā€™all have a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/22 "2001-08-08T18:51:11Z")
Thanks, Celestina. Unfortunately, as a guy, itā€™s a genetic imperative to find this sort of thing funny, as long as Iā€™m not actually the poor bastard doing the cleaning. SO while I was disgusted myself, I laughed my ass off, and thought Iā€™d share. Tev, Zet, I really didnā€™t try for an explanation, he volunteered it, much to my dismay. I just told him ā€œhey, I noticed you left quite a mess in the crapper yesterday, you should clean up after yourselfā€ Why he explained the process of fecal distribution, and not the reason for his lack of post-spray hygeine, I will probably never know. Nor at this point do I have any further desire. b. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/23 "2001-08-09T00:40:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Billy Rubin \* > This morning, privately, I confronted Mr. Fuckwicket. As nicely as possible. Apparently he does use, perhaps overuse, laxatives. He feels that if his digestive tract has anything in it heā€™ll immediately begin to get fat, and he canā€™t stand fat. So he shits like the exhaust of a jet engine. Bravo for taking an active route! BTW - I spend a lot of time at airports. Iā€™ve seen/smelled/felt at a distance jet exhaust. Your last sentence does an injustice to jet engines everywhere. Jet engine exhaust looks nicer, smells better, and leaves less mess than a human shit cannon. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/24 "2001-08-09T09:16:54Z")
For 30 seconds I was wondering if you worked with my father in law. This rant is priceless! ---
**Author:** ![Pnuk\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Pnuk\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pnuk_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/25 "2001-08-09T10:52:26Z")
If he donā€™t want **the Dreaded Splashback[sup]TM[/sup]** then tell him to put a layer or two of toilet paper flat on the bottom of the bowl. Splashback is more than 95% eliminated! Try it today! šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/26 "2001-08-09T17:49:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Broomstick \* > \*\*Jet engine exhaust looks nicer, smells better, and leaves less mess than a human shit cannon. \*\* Right- I had no intention of casting aspersions on jet engines, I was merely referring to velocity and volume. No offense intended. **Pnuk:** Iā€™ll suggest that. Hope it helps,I found another mess today. b. ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/27 "2001-08-11T12:57:13Z")
All the Whos down at Who Inc., the tall and the small Could shit without being revolting at all The Whos, when shitting, would shit in the pot But the Fuckwicket, who worked at Who Inc., would not Just yesterday morning, around ten past eleven The Fuckwicket started shitting at mach oh-point-seven And when Billy Who had to shit his Who-Hash from last night He went into the menā€™s room and got quite a fright: There was shit on the floor, there was shit in the stall There was shit on the seat and on every wall There was shit on the tile, there was shit on the grout There was scarcely a place where shit was not about There was shit on the handle, there was shit on the tank There was shit on the john door, oh how that shit stank! There was shit _everywhere_, the new paint was peeling Why that Fuckwicket even got shit on the ceiling! ā€œHow I hate that Fuckwicket,ā€ sighed poor Billy Who ā€œWere I not making the effort I know just what Iā€™d do Iā€™d make him lick every drop up without even a utensil Then next time heā€™d be careful with his rectum prehensileā€ [sub]I canā€™t believe that Iā€™ve actually typed this up twice.[/sub] [sup] **RTFirefly** , I hope you repost your wonderful observation.\*\*[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/28 "2001-08-11T21:11:26Z")
Borbor, I bow deeply to your skills, I canā€™t imagine where you get this. Just as I feel as if my skills as a reporter of lifeā€™s tribulations has come of age, someone comes along and turns my clumsy prose into deathless poetry. I canā€™t tell you how personally proud I am to have your work on my post, nor how further proud that your work is about my postā€¦ I somehow feel as if Iā€™ve arrived. Whatever the case, by all means, keep up the most excellent work. b. Thanks for typing it twice by the wayā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/29 "2001-08-11T22:09:21Z")
That is just incredibly disgusting. I wonder how he can avoid being hit by some of his own fusillade of shit. Or can he? I mean, if itā€™s hitting the ceiling, itā€™s probably also going to hit him. \ And I shudder to think what his bathroom at home must be like. [sub]mustā€¦scrubā€¦brainā€¦[/sub] **Borborygmi** Thank you for providing me with helpless peals of laughter. ---
**Author:** ![zut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zut/32/2875_2.png) [@zut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zut)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2001, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/30 "2001-08-11T22:17:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Borborygmi \* > Just yesterday morning, around ten past eleven > The Fuckwicket started shitting at mach oh-point-seven I really have nothing to add; I just thought this particular couplet bore repeating. Thanks **Borborygmi**! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/31 "2001-08-12T00:16:40Z")
Now that he will be cleaning up after himself, every time you use the cleaned stall you can wonder if he sterilized it with cleaning chemicals, or just smeared up the shit with paper. ---
**Author:** ![gorkamorka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/87869e/32.png) [@gorkamorka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gorkamorka)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/32 "2001-08-12T04:02:45Z")
There isnā€™t much more I can say. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/33 "2001-08-12T12:04:28Z")
As I said before it was deleted by the reset, there arenā€™t too many posts that make me laugh so hard that I cry, but [b **Borborygmi** ā€™s had tears streaming down my face. I salute you, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/34 "2001-08-12T15:10:34Z")
Hey, thanks for all the thumbs up, folks. Obviously, I found **Billy** ā€™s fine opening rant to be, ah, inspirational. Especially the 3rd paragraph, and particularly the Suessian ā€œShit on the left wall, shit on the right.ā€ Amusing factā€¦ Iā€™m someone who values the near-anonymity one can have on these boards: I donā€™t post much personal info, I hide my e-mail address, etc. But I also generally avoid posting anything that would cause me embarrassment at work or home, just in case. So, naturally, I throw out a post that uses the word ā€œshitā€ seventeen times and the board is hacked wide open within hours. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/35 "2001-08-12T16:45:43Z")
The poem was a hoot, but do any of you realize just how relevant **Borborygmi** ā€™s nickname is to this thread? _That_ got me laughing more than the poem itself. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/36 "2001-08-12T16:50:53Z")
I know **I** did! šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜ƒ šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Rubin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billy_rubin/32/3622_2.png) [@Billy\_Rubin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Rubin)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/37 "2001-08-12T16:53:22Z")
You just learned me a new [word](http://www.qfever.com/20000726/borborygmi.html) Canā€™t believe I didnā€™t know that-hehe! b. ---
**Author:** ![omni-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8dc957/32.png) [@omni-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/omni-not)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/38 "2001-08-12T17:58:30Z")
> [@](#): > > . there was a nearly dime sized spatter of shit on the ceiling Man, thatā€™s still a mystery to me (and, I must admit, a bit awe-inpiring). Low ceiling?šŸ™‚ Or maybe thereā€™s no air-conditioner in the room. Just a fan. And, you knowā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/39 "2001-08-12T19:14:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Borborygmi \* > [sup] **RTFirefly** , I hope you repost your wonderful observation.[/sup] It wasnā€™t one-tenth as good as your inspired Seussian doggerel, **Borborygmi** , but what the hey: From high school and college, I remember repeated occurrences of a bathroom graffito that ran basically thus: ā€œAnyone can piss on the floor. Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.ā€ First reaction: never thought I had to worry about someone actually _doing_ it. Second reaction: Fuckwicket, donā€™t be a hero. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![\_Uigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/e9a140/32.png) [@\_Uigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Uigi)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367/40 "2001-08-12T21:02:58Z")
Borborsā€™ just conducted the most subtle and neatest hijack ever! Who gives a shit; I WANT MORE BORBOR POETRY!!! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bathroom-etiquette-memo-do-you-have-a-prehensile-rectum/75367.md?page=3)