# Another bitchy "worst-of" thread: Your votes for worst bestsellers or classics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 7, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147 "2005-10-07T04:18:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![stargazer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb8c5e/32.png) [@stargazer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stargazer)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/41 "2005-10-07T20:33:23Z")
I agree with _Wuthering Heights_… I read it in high school, and I thought even then that it was horrible – it seemed like it had been written before anyone had invented color. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/42 "2005-10-07T21:20:30Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > When read in tandem with _All Quiet on the Western Front_, I think it makes more sense. Lost Generation, and whatnot. I don’t get the connection. All Quiet on the Western Front was written in 1929, and is about WWI. Salinger wasn’t even born until 1919, and Catcher wasn’t published until 1951. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/43 "2005-10-07T21:42:34Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > Joseph Conrad’s _Heart of Darkness_. I read it over the summer because I’m taking a course in African lit and a lot of African writers hate that book. I’m with them. 100-odd pages of NOTHING HAPPENING. I had to force myself to stay awake through it. Seems as though a hearty, steaming cup of STFU before writing would have done dear old Mr. Korzeniowski, and his readers, a world of good. :smack: And don’t go looking for a Hitchcock movie called _The Secret Agent_. It’s called _Sabotage_. Not to be confused with _Saboteur._ ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/44 "2005-10-07T21:45:13Z")
:smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: :smack: Actually, Hitch DID make a movie called _Secret Agent._ It’s got nothing to do with the book. And it’s actually better than _Sabotage_, if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/45 "2005-10-07T22:16:08Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > snip > > I would submit for terrible bestseller: _House of Sand and Fog_. I got about 80 pages into it (or however long it takes for the policeman and homeless woman to start porking) and couldn’t stand it any more. Awful, and I hated the characters. If you hated the book, you’ll hate the movie even more. I certainly did. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/46 "2005-10-07T23:28:32Z")
**Last of the Mohicans**. It’s the one exception to the rule that movies are inferior to the books. When I read this, I honestly thought that English was Cooper’s second language and I was reading a bad translation. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/47 "2005-10-07T23:39:57Z")
I’m joining the **Wuthering Heights** crowd. Every single character was an annoying whiny bastard/bitch who deserved what s/he got. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/48 "2005-10-08T00:12:43Z")
Not sure if either of these authors were ever best sellers but: Anything by Terry Goodkind or Robert Jordan. Hated them. But of course, as many will probably attest, everyone is different. There were actually plenty in this thread that I enjoy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/49 "2005-10-08T00:20:01Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Everything by Dean Koontz. He’s written the same schlock horror novel over and over again. Burnt-out cop with a tragic past hero? Check. Plucky, brilliant female lead who falls in love at first sight with hero? Check. Sadistic, junk-food loving villain w/ paranormal powers? Check. Unusually intelligent, lovable dog? Check. Gah. My head is starting to hurt just thinking about the life-span I wasted reading his drek in my youth. And they all drink Pepsi. I enjoyed the first Jonathan Kellerman books I read, but I’ve come to realize how utterly crappy and repetive they are. Alex Delaware is called in to assist on a murder, his gay detective friend Milo dresses badly, Alex and his girlfriend make dinner and screw, murder solved. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/50 "2005-10-08T00:33:30Z")
On the classics front, another vote against Salinger’s _Catcher…_. Actually, I find it to be a just fine adequate tale, it’s just I can’t get my mind around what in the world makes it a “classic”. As for regular commercial bestsellers, nonfiction, _Who Moved My Cheese_ is pathetic. “You need to see change as an opportunity.” Great. I ain’t paying you $12 for taking a fortune-cookie aphorism and stretching it through enough pages to square-bind the thing. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/51 "2005-10-08T00:50:00Z")
The Chicken Soup for the Soul books sucked. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/52 "2005-10-08T00:50:36Z")
If we’re talking bestsellers, anything **Ann Coulter** has ever written. It amazes and disturbs me that she has enough of a following in this country to get her books on the bestseller list. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/53 "2005-10-08T00:51:14Z")
**Dune**. I read it in college, was very disappointed, then lots of people told me that it was great so I tried again. Stopped halfway through. I mean it would have made a great 200-250 page novel, it’s those extra 300 pages or so that bore me to tears. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/54 "2005-10-08T00:54:16Z")
_Lord of the Flies_ _On the Road_ There are a few books on here that I was okay with, but nothing I love. I hated all the Dickens I read in high school, but I think it’s possible that that’s just not the time to teach Dickens. > [@AuntiePam](#): > > I think he’s a decent writer who’s fallen into a formula trap to give his fans what they expect. A friend insists that Phantoms and Watchers are excellent, but to stop with those two. Well, Ben Affleck was the bomb in it. Or not. Given the movie, I can’t imagine the book was any good. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/55 "2005-10-08T00:54:29Z")
I’ll join the hatefest for **Silas Marner**. I also had to read **The Mill on the Floss**. These were books I didn’t so much read as burrow through. You just had to take a machete to the turgid prose and grimly hack your way through to the end. My theory is that English Lit types forced students to read them because, having read them, everything else would seem good. Which may explain why I enjoyed **Heart of Darkness.** After you’ve worked your way through **Mill on the Floss** , **Heart of Darkness** is a red-hot, thrill-a-minute actioner!!! ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/56 "2005-10-08T00:58:04Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > **Last of the Mohicans**. It’s the one exception to the rule that movies are inferior to the books. When I read this, I honestly thought that English was Cooper’s second language and I was reading a bad translation. Mark Twain would agree with you there. (Well, maybe not about the movie part—but Cooper would have been _his_ “worst” pick.) Gee, some of the books you folks have been naming have been ones that I thoroughly enjoyed, or at least kinda liked. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/57 "2005-10-08T01:35:41Z")
> [@Captain Amazing](#): > > I don’t get the connection. All Quiet on the Western Front was written in 1929, and is about WWI. Salinger wasn’t even born until 1919, and Catcher wasn’t published until 1951. By God, you’re right. Well…my face is a bit red. I could’ve absolutely _sworn_ that Catcher was published in the early Thirties. Crap. I imagine I could still construct a post-war, widespread-numbness-and-nihilism argument that contained fewer holes than a Dunkin’ Donuts, but it wouldn’t be nearly as germane. Those two books always dovetailed so well in my mind that I made a false connection. Sigh. Proceed with the Caulfield-bashing. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/58 "2005-10-08T02:23:52Z")
Anything by John Le Carre, the poor man’s Graham Greene {and that ain’t saying much - Greene was vastly over-rated: lapsed Catholics yomping around exotic locales for three hundred pages in search of The Meaning Of It All} - quit it with the fucking omniscient narrator, already: it takes a character three pages to drive across town because we have to be treated to an interior monologue of everything that flits across his mind plus the plot exposition. And I bet he just made up all the spy stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Bomzaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@Bomzaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bomzaway)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/59 "2005-10-08T02:34:16Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > **Dune**. I read it in college, was very disappointed, then lots of people told me that it was great so I tried again. Stopped halfway through. > > I mean it would have made a great 200-250 page novel, it’s those extra 300 pages or so that bore me to tears. Same here. I _wanted_ to like it, but I just couldn’t. I’ve liked both of the film renditions though. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/60 "2005-10-08T03:17:15Z")
> [@Theologue](#): > > _The Bridges of Madison County_ > > Worst. Book. Ever. I could not convince my neighbor that this book was not only not a “TRUE STORY” but that it **TRUELY SUCKED**. I even bought her a copy of the parody “The Ditches of Madison County.” We remain best friends but don’t discuss books anymore. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147.md?page=4)