# Another bitchy "worst-of" thread: Your votes for worst bestsellers or classics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 7, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147 "2005-10-07T04:18:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/61 "2005-10-08T03:22:33Z")
I didn’t like \* The Shipping News \* either. I found it poorly written and thought the lead character was a hopeless doof. I don’t think I got halfway through that book. Then there was one book–I think by Anne Tyler, but I’ve tried to suppress the memory of both the name and the author–which featured a man breaking his leg after his cat tries to enter the house through the dryer hose while the drier is on. WTF? And that was just the beginning; it got worse. Maybe that one doesn’t count because as far as I know it wasn’t a classic or bestseller (at least I hope not.) Whitley Streiber’s _Communion_ --the book about the space rapists from Mars–well, where do I begin? I suppose it wasn’t the worst book I’ve ever read, but I’ll include it because it scared the living _#@_ out of me. ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/62 "2005-10-08T03:36:53Z")
Cold Mountain could cure anyone’s insomnia in a flash. And the current best seller The Historian is just plain awful. I don’t know how you can make a book about a modern day search for Dracula boring, but the author managed to do so. (Ironically, I am a history teacher.) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/63 "2005-10-08T03:51:10Z")
I’ve bitched about her before, but historical fiction author Sharon Kay Penman is capable of writing only three characters: rogueish bad boy, noble knight, and spitfire heroine. _That’s it_. Somehow, she’s managed to write some eight or nine books featuring only these three characters. I got a good ways into the _Scarlet Pimpernel_ before coming to a horribly ant-Semitic passage about a disgusting Jewish caricature. I flung the book down and was never able to finish reading it. Baroness Orczy can suck it. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/64 "2005-10-08T03:58:56Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > Well…my face is a bit red. I could’ve absolutely _sworn_ that Catcher was published in the early Thirties. Except in the early Thirties, there were no nihilists, only Stalinists. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/65 "2005-10-08T04:05:31Z")
I found **The God of Small Things** just insufferably tedious. Everybody was creaming themselves over Roy’s genious vision and prose, but all I could see was a Rushdie clone (hint: Capitalize Everything, or runyourwordstogethreforemphasis), right down to the soporific drudgery of it all. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/66 "2005-10-08T05:16:52Z")
Couldn’t finish **Confederacy of Dunces** and never saw much funny in the part I read. More cringe-inducing than laugh-inducing. I’m a big Salinger fan, but **Catcher in the Rye** is my least favorite of his work. It’s a pretty painful read. However, might I suggest to the folks that knock Holden Caulfield as a whiny and unlikeable character: Yeah, so? Is it the job of a novelist to create characters that you like? Or are they supposed to create fully developed, three-dimensional, real, believable characters. Maybe the reason people have such a visceral reaction to Holden Caulfield (whether positive or negative) is because he strikes a nerve. What if Salinger intends for you to dislike Holden? If he’s successful at that task is the novel really overrated? Given that, perhaps I should give Confederacy another chance. Also, you have my pity if you can’t enjoy John LeCarre. As for an original contribution to the thread, I’ve never understood the appeal of **Dave Barry** or **Carl Hiasson**. I don’t think I’ve ever read a Barry column that wasn’t derivative, predictable or grabbed a cheap and easy laugh. And Hiasson may be a great columnist (don’t know, never read his journalism), but his books are formulaic and his characters cardboard. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/67 "2005-10-08T06:17:26Z")
> [@AugestWest](#): > > And Hiasson may be a great columnist (don’t know, never read his journalism), but his books are formulaic and his characters cardboard. You have _my_ pity if you can’t enjoy Carl Hiaasen, but I agree that Dave Barry sucks pustular stumps. You’re pretty much on the money about Holden Caulfield, too: I think Salinger’s point was that he _was_ an annoying little twerp and not some existential anti-hero. Which didn’t make him any easier to read about, admittedly, but I can’t remember the book having that much of an impact on me either way. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/68 "2005-10-08T06:57:53Z")
Does it count if it was a bestseller in 1850? _Uncle Tom’s Cabin._ Aaargh. And it’s a classic, to boot. Well, everybody knows its name, my guess is few these days have read it, and with good reason. Also, to join in the pile-on on _The daVinci Code,_ that one, specifically, and all books that rely on the cheesy device wherein people who are presented as superintelligent and extremely well-educated miss really obvious points so the average reader can solve the puzzle first and feel superior, thereby contributing to said average reader’s positive feeling about the book. There’s a lot of this in mysteries; just don’t present the doofuses who can’t solve the puzzle before I do as geniuses, okay? [Is it just me or does the word “doofuses” look exremely weird?/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/69 "2005-10-08T06:59:42Z")
> [@Hilarity N. Suze](#): > > Does it count if it was a bestseller in 1850? _Uncle Tom’s Cabin._ Aaargh. And it’s a classic, to boot. Well, everybody knows its name, my guess is few these days have read it, and with good reason. Good choice. Didactic, melodramatic, and not well-written. And like I’ve said a few times here, racist and patronising. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/70 "2005-10-08T08:15:08Z")
Okay, this is embarrassing. > [@Larry Mudd](#): > > James Patterson […] The lazy bastard just scribbles “Detective Jablome looked like Al Pacino. He was interrogating a suspect who was the spit-and-image of Martin Landau…” I’m ashamed, but I’m going through some really cheesy audiobooks at bedtime. They’re free-to-me, and they blow insomnia away. Anyway, tonight I started _First to Die_, by the very same Mr. Patterson that I maligned above. (Sucker for punishment.) First chapter-- let’s define our protagonist! Oooh, first-person narrative: > [@](#): > > Nobody ever thought that I looked like an inspector – the only woman homicide inspector in the entire S.F.P.D. My friends always said that I looked more like Helen Hunt, married to Paul Reiser in _Mad About You_. Aaaargh, I just can’t do it. I can’t go through with it. **digs around for an old disc of _Richard Diamond_ adventures** ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/71 "2005-10-08T12:30:09Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > And I bet he just made up all the spy stuff. I doubt it. Le Carre [used to work for MI6.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_le_Carre) ---
**Author:** ![wonder9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c57346/32.png) [@wonder9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonder9)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/72 "2005-10-08T12:57:45Z")
The Life of Pi…stupid, sanctimonious and tedious. And did I say stupid? ---
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/73 "2005-10-08T13:13:22Z")
David Sedaris. People say he’s great, hysterically funny, insightful, and on and on. I say he’s just annoying, and what I’ve read mostly seems to be based on contempt for those around him. Erle Stanley Gardner is bad too. Perry Mason on TV, as played by Raymond Burr, was great, but the books struck me, on the few occasions I tried them, as just being badly written - slow, clumsy prose that puts me off before the end of the first page. As for classics, I’ll have to agree with _Heart of Darkness_, the Dickens works mentioned above, and _The Picture of Dorian Gray_. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/74 "2005-10-08T13:51:12Z")
Let’s not forget Patricia Cromwell’s book about Jack the Ripper wasn’t even good fiction, and don’t try to tell me it was non-fiction. ---
**Author:** ![LVBoPeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/858c86/32.png) [@LVBoPeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVBoPeep)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/75 "2005-10-08T16:04:17Z")
How about _Snow Falling On Cedars_ ? I’m just glad I bought it at Goodwill for a buck- what a pile of steaming goo… ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/76 "2005-10-08T16:38:18Z")
I’m currently suffering through \*The Aeneid \* in LAT 420, so that’s currently at the top of my hate list. I’m seriously thinking of pitting Vergil. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/77 "2005-10-08T17:34:05Z")
> [@Frostillicus](#): > > And the current best seller The Historian is just plain awful. I don’t know how you can make a book about a modern day search for Dracula boring, but the author managed to do so. > > (Ironically, I am a history teacher.) 😃 Ditto that!!! What a piece of amateurish crap. Poorly plotted, flat characters, totally unbelievable plot contrivances. I made it almost to page 600 and then kicked myself for wasting so much time on it. I wouldn’t have hated the book quite so much if it hadn’t gotten such good mainstream reviews. WTF! I’ll never trust Newsweek’s reviews again. Some of the Amazon reviews are pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/78 "2005-10-08T18:23:31Z")
Camus’ L’Etranger. I had the misfortune of having to read it twice in high school. Once for English, and then a few years later for French. It did not improve when read untranslated. I found Catcher in the Rye more enjoyable than most literature I had to read in HS, so it’s not on my hate list. I can see why it’s on others’ though. I hated Wuthering Heights, and Mme Bovary. I was a masochist of the first water, however, and enjoyed Moby Dick when I read it in fourth grade. (Of my own free will, too.) On my own, I tried to read some things listed here. I tried to read Confederacy of Dunces, and just couldn’t do it. I even started a Danielle Steelle book, once. I did not, however, manage to finish it. And I regularly read romance novels. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/79 "2005-10-08T20:20:42Z")
> [@Linty Fresh](#): > > I doubt it. Le Carre [used to work for MI6.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_le_Carre) So what? Ian Fleming had a prominent role in Naval Intelligence during WW2. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2005, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/80 "2005-10-08T21:57:46Z")
> [@AugestWest](#): > > I’m a big Salinger fan, but **Catcher in the Rye** is my least favorite of his work. It’s a pretty painful read. > > However, might I suggest to the folks that knock Holden Caulfield as a whiny and unlikeable character: Yeah, so? Is it the job of a novelist to create characters that you like? Or are they supposed to create fully developed, three-dimensional, real, believable characters. Maybe the reason people have such a visceral reaction to Holden Caulfield (whether positive or negative) is because he strikes a nerve. What if Salinger intends for you to dislike Holden? If he’s successful at that task is the novel really overrated? I got pretty much the same thing from The Catcher in the Rye. I didn’t think the point was “look how great this kid is” but “look how messed up he is”, and how he starts to change a little as the story goes on. I mean, he ends up in a mental institution. That makes it clear to me, unless you think Salinger was trying to pain him as a misunderstood martyr, in which case I wouldn’t like the book either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147.md?page=5)