# Another bitchy "worst-of" thread: Your votes for worst bestsellers or classics **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 7, 2005, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147 "2005-10-07T04:18:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![MrAlpen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@MrAlpen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrAlpen)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/101 "2005-10-09T19:11:21Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > It was required reading in one of my English classes in high school. We were forced to read it. At gunpoint. If my English teacher hadn’t had that AK47 aimed at me the whole time, I would NEVER have read it! That’s a lovely picture of the American schoolroom! If I was heading towards the shreader, I’d be carrying everything by Tracy Chevalier apart from Girl with a Pearl Earring. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/102 "2005-10-09T20:01:55Z")
> [@Darkhold](#): > > Read **Regina’s Song** then after you finish weeping in misery over the poorly written incompetent book you’ll see why all he can do is write the same crappy cycle over and over. > > On second thought don’t read it just take my word for it. It’s the only book I’ve ever thrown in the trash. Sorry, it’s too late for me–already read it. Damned if he didn’t have the exact same arch, self consciously cute talking, annoyingly hackneyed characters as usual, but presented as contemporary people, ugh! Piers Anthony spent too much time out in the horse pasture doing his typing, should have published the horseapples instead. Oh, and who did Janet Morris blow to get published? Most ham-handed, cow footed excuse for prose I’ve ever seen in my life, gorge became buoyant in record time! “Run, Holy Mother of God, run!” \<— actual first line of Janet Morris story–at first I assumed someone had a bet on the horse race or something… :rolleyes: Then I imagined the sack race at the nunnery which featured the special celebrity guest star… ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/103 "2005-10-09T20:59:06Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Has anyone mentioned _Stranger in a Strange Land_ yet? Because that book was the suck. Couldn’t agree more. And it starts out so promisingly! Most horrible mainstream bestseller I’ve ever read: _Message in a Bottle_, by Nicholas Sparks. Godawful prose, insipid characters. I hated, hated, hated this book. The only reason I didn’t throw it away was that the copy belonged to my roommate’s aunt, and the only reason I finished it at all was that I was out of the country and desperate for anything written in English. (I read a couple of my roommate’s aunt’s Danielle Steel books too - also terrible, but not on the same plane of crapitude that _Message in a Bottle_ acheived.) ---
**Author:** ![Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@Long\_Time\_First\_Time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Long_Time_First_Time)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/104 "2005-10-09T23:18:00Z")
Have to toss in Dick Francis as somebody who as taken a horse-killed it-then beat it over and over and over again. Some people write have written 20 books in their life. Dick Francis has written the same book 20 times. ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2005, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/105 "2005-10-09T23:35:37Z")
Another vote for Elizabeth Kostov’s _ **The Historian** _. An unreadable bore…hundreds and hundreds of pages about people sitting around reading letters written by some people who sat around and read letters. How this turkey managed to fool so many critics is something I’ll never understand. ---
**Author:** ![Giant\_Spongess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@Giant\_Spongess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giant_Spongess)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/106 "2005-10-10T00:42:34Z")
All I have to say is: fuck Jane Austen and her Bronte clones. I had to read a few for lit classes (WHY???) and unfortunately my mother and sister LOVE them, so I’ve had to sit through the interminable, innumerable multipartite movies. Argh! ---
**Author:** ![MsMitey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@MsMitey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsMitey)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/107 "2005-10-10T01:53:59Z")
Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett. I don’t remember much of the plot, but it caused a sensation, and I have no idea why. That said, I really love a lot of the books listed here. Though I’ll second Catcher and Stranger in a Strange Land and raise you A Fairwell to Arms. ---
**Author:** ![Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nefarious_chipmunk/32/1045_2.png) [@Nefarious\_Chipmunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nefarious_Chipmunk)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/108 "2005-10-10T03:15:25Z")
I have just started to read Eragon and it is already painfully clear that it was written by a teenager. I have to second Hard Times by Charles Dickens. That was so boring, it was literally the only book I have ever read that I stopped before I finished it (I am usually way to stubborn to start a book and not finish it). I also have to put down Romeo and Juliet. Man oh man was that bad, and I like Shakespeare. I am just glad it wasn’t my first exposure or I would never have continued to read on. ---
**Author:** ![YWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6f9a4e/32.png) [@YWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YWalker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/109 "2005-10-10T03:17:55Z")
Sign me up as another who thought that **A Confederacy of Dunces** was horribly tedious. Go take your eructations somewhere else, bud. It’s not amusing. ---
**Author:** ![LonesomePolecat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a88e57/32.png) [@LonesomePolecat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LonesomePolecat)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/110 "2005-10-10T03:32:17Z")
William Burroughs was easily the most overrated writer of his generation. With the exception of _Junkie,_ I’ve never managed to actually finish any of his books that I’ve attempted: _Naked Lunch, The Soft Machine, The Ticket That Exploded_ and _The Wild Boys_. He has his moments. _Junkie_ is a passably good autobiographical novel that gives a pretty good picture of the drug scene of the fifties, and there are passages here and there in other works that are very striking. But overall, he’s a waste of time. James Joyces _Ulysses_ and \*Finnegan’s Wake \* are also tremendous wastes of time. The first is about as readable as a phone directory, and the second is incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t willing to spend years of his life deciphering it. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/111 "2005-10-10T04:43:59Z")
Anything by Ernest Hemingway. A vastly overrated author. Great Expectations by Dickens nearly made me toss my cookies. And Jordan’s Wheel of Time series broke an axle around volume 3, but he didn’t notice and kept churning them out. ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/112 "2005-10-10T08:15:57Z")
I second, third, whatever _The DaVinci Code_. God how I hate that book. _Eragon_ drove me mad when I read it, I have a proof of the second still sitting on my bookshelf. I’ll read it eventually,but not any time soon. David Sedaris has failed to capture my imagination - I’ve heard him described as Augusten Burroughs, but funnier, so maybe I’m missing something - I enjoyed _Dry_ and _Running With Scissors_, but _Dress Your Family…_ seemed kinda flat - is it not his best work? I pitched Jodi Picoult’s _My Sister’s Keeper_ across the room when I’d finished it. It got rave reviews from people I work with, but I just found it to be full of cheap character tropes and a get-out-of-jail-free ending. And I’m told it’s her best, so I won’t be going near her again. I hate hate hate the Alex Rider series of books. (_Stormbreaker_ etc) Granted, I’m hardly the target market, but almost every day someone comes in wanting something similar for their son, because it’s all he’ll read. Gah. I hope like hell I missed the point of _the bone people_ when I read it years ago, otherwise that’s one of the most overhyped pieces of NZ literature (it won a Booker! Eee!) around. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/113 "2005-10-10T14:30:41Z")
Psssssst, **Sampiro**. I’m afraid your chief security eunuch is going to have his hands full. Maybe while he’s got us all lined up against a wall he could tell us the one about the tire in the middle of the road. I think we’d all enjoy that a _lot_ more. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/114 "2005-10-10T15:11:13Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > And Jordan’s Wheel of Time series broke an axle around volume 3, but he didn’t notice and kept churning them out. I’m surprised it took this long to get to Jordan. If not worst overall, it certainly is the series that had the most precipitous drop in quality for no conceivable reason. I can understand that you should savor the journey as much as the destination. No need to run straight to the ending, but a 1000 page book needs to advance the plot. I gave up on his series, if/when he finishes it, I’ll read the reviews to see if it’s worth it, then maybe I’ll borrow them from the library. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/115 "2005-10-10T15:30:58Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > I’m surprised it took this long to get to Jordan. If not worst overall, it certainly is the series that had the most precipitous drop in quality for no conceivable reason. > > I can understand that you should savor the journey as much as the destination. No need to run straight to the ending, but a 1000 page book needs to advance the plot. > > I gave up on his series, if/when he finishes it, I’ll read the reviews to see if it’s worth it, then maybe I’ll borrow them from the library. No need to be surprised, because it didn’t take this long to get to Jordan. I mentioned him back in post #48. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/116 "2005-10-10T18:30:29Z")
> [@Frostillicus](#): > > And the current best seller The Historian is just plain awful. I don’t know how you can make a book about a modern day search for Dracula boring, but the author managed to do so. I definitely agree with that one. And have you _ever_ heard of a 15-year-old girl that talks like the narrator in _The Historian_? Good grief. I’m surprised I made if halfway through. Do children’s books count for the list? How about Madonna’s book, _The English Roses_? Absolute tripe. If it had been written by anyone other than Madonna, it wouldn’t have sold a dozen copies worldwide. I’ve enjoyed several of Anne Rice’s books (even while finding Ms. Rice herself absolutely insufferable), but _Cry to Heaven_ just capped it. No more Rice. Just stop, already. For those complaining about books being bad because they’re formulaic, I think it all depends on which book you read first. I gave up on Piers Anthony’s _Xanth_ series far later than I should have, but if I had read book 12 before book 1, I might have liked it better. Who knows? ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/117 "2005-10-10T18:47:41Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > I mentioned him back in post #48. Oh, nuts! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/118 "2005-10-10T18:55:29Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > I’ve enjoyed several of Anne Rice’s books (even while finding Ms. Rice herself absolutely insufferable), but _Cry to Heaven_ just capped it. No more Rice. Just stop, already. Ex-sister-in-law insisted I read that one. In retrospect, I would rather have spent the time going jogging on the muggiest day of the year while wearing an athletic supporter lined with Owens-Corning fiberglass insulation. I finished it only so I could detail for her exactly why I thought it so dreadful. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/119 "2005-10-10T20:04:36Z")
> [@InvisibleWombat](#): > > I definitely agree with that one. And have you _ever_ heard of a 15-year-old girl that talks like the narrator in _The Historian_? Good grief. I’m surprised I made if halfway through. Then you didn’t get to the part where she explains why one of the major characters (not sure which one, they were all alike) **forgot** that he’d fallen in love with someone a few weeks before. It was because of something he drank. Yep, Greek booze causes amnesia. Not general amnesia, very **selective** amnesia, the kind that authors use to wave away conflicts in the plot. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2005, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147/120 "2005-10-11T00:08:56Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Then you didn’t get to the part where she explains why one of the major characters (not sure which one, they were all alike) **forgot** that he’d fallen in love with someone a few weeks before. > > It was because of something he drank. Yep, Greek booze causes amnesia. Not general amnesia, very **selective** amnesia, the kind that authors use to wave away conflicts in the plot. :rolleyes: Ah yes, the famed “Plot Hole Ouzo,” rarer than absinthe… And no funny comments about oozy plot holes, either! :dubious: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-bitchy-worst-of-thread-your-votes-for-worst-bestsellers-or-classics/325147.md?page=7)