Yeah, I think a twelve year old getting a handwritten thank you note on paper from a peer these days would be unappreciated, and quite possibly mark the sender as “weird” and/or “uncool.”
Not that this necessarily has relevance, but still.
- send thank-you notes
- must be on paper*
- see 2
- must be handwritten (of course she has excellent penmanship; she is MY daughter:D)
*She can use the type she owns in her favorite color with her initials printed on the front
-
Do you require your daughter to send thank-you notes, or is saying thank-youat the party sufficient? Notes.
-
If you require your daughter to send thank-you notes, is it okay to send them by social media or email, or must they be on paper? We have sets of “Thank You” cards for her to choose from.
-
If electronic messages are acceptable, is a single update to her own Facebook wall sufficient, or must she post an individual update to each guest’s wall? N/A, as it’s not acceptable to only send electronic messages. As a supplement to the notes, that’s fine, but the notes are mandatory. Also, my 13yo doesn’t have a FB account.
-
If electronic messages are not acceptable, must the thank-you notes be handwritten, or is printing them out acceptable? Handwritten.
- For those who favor sending handwritten notes: how many does the hypothetical 12-year-old owe?
One for every guest to come to the party.
As a parent of a 12 (well, just turned 13) year-old, this isn’t correct.
Although I have some sympathy for this position, it’s an unfortunate fact of life that occasionally, finances dictate outcomes. And while I’m sure everyone would like to be able to afford all the folks they’d like to every party they host, it just isn’t always feasible.
As an aside, my adult daughter-in-law did not send thank you notes after her wedding shower, although help was offered. I’m still baffled how that could have happened, then I think of how her mother is and I understand completely. Some things must be taught in childhood to avoid unacceptable behavior as an adult.
? No. Of course not. If you care so much track the package, it costs 1.05. Doing something simple to save other people bother is the definition of graciousness.
It’s a terribly difficult concept for some people, that a gift should be open hearted and without strings.
Apparently, I’d be raising my hypothetical 12 year old not to have manners. No thank you notes. It would be sufficient for me if she said thank you and accepted the gift gracefully at the party.
I would rather not exchange gifts with anyone who’d be hurt or angry if they didn’t receive a handwritten note, in addition to being thanked in person.
1) Do you require your daughter to send thank-you notes, or is saying thank-youat the party sufficient?
Saying “Thank You” at the party is all that’s needed.
2) If you require your daughter to send thank-you notes, is it okay to send them by social media or email, or must they be on paper?
FUCK NO. Requiring them at all for such an informal event would be crazy. Even for a formal event, I consider a verbal “Thank You” much more meaningful than any drivel Hallmark adds to a card.
3) If electronic messages are acceptable, is a single update to her own Facebook wall sufficient, or must she post an individual update to each guest’s wall?
If she wants to send any kind of follow-up “Thank You,” she can do it however she pleases.
4) If electronic messages are not acceptable, must the thank-you notes be handwritten, or is printing them out acceptable?
FUCK NO. Writing out “Thank You” notes is the mark of an etiquette snob or a 110-year old woman.
So your 13-year-old does send thank you notes? And receives them and appreciates them from their friends? I don’t think I would have thought it was weird or uncool when I was 12 to receive a thank you note, but it would have been surprising. Maybe this is a regional thing? Or more common among certain groups?
Yeah, when I was growing up my mother (also from Texas) expected us to send thank you notes to gifts we received in the mail from our relatives, but we were not expected to send thank you notes for gifts received at a party. I don’t remember ever receiving a thank you note after attending another child’s birthday party, either.
A quick Google pulled up this brief page on thank you notes from the Emily Post website, and it says that although it’s “never wrong to send a written thank you” the “rule of thumb” is that this should be done when the giver was not thanked in person at the time the gift was received. It also says that close friends may be thanked by phone or email.
As for the OP’s question about Facebook, I would consider a private message via Facebook equivalent to an email. I don’t think it would be appropriate for the girl to handle thank yous via wall posts that could be seen by others. For an adult maybe that would be okay (not “proper” but not the sort of thing I’d raise an eyebrow over either), but since other kids in the class weren’t invited to this party then making a semi-public post about the great gifts she received could lead to hurt feelings and major adolescent drama.
Incidentally, while I’m sure there are plenty of 11 and 12 year olds on Facebook, the site does require that all members be at least 13.
Yes, she sends notes, usually the day after the party.
Not many of her friends do the same, but some do. Not really worried about their manners, however - they’re not my kids.
This year, Sophia is having her party tomorrow and has already got a heads start on the cards by addressing them.
I know that. I also know plenty of kids that age (and their parents) who ignore that rule.
Handwritten thank-yous are an antiquated tradition. Nobody expects little boys to send them. So girls shouldn’t have to do it, either. The only time in my life I plan to send thank-yous is after my wedding reception, and there’s a good chance I’ll type them out + sign the bottom.
Ignoring the little qualifier, my 16-year-old nephew has always been required to send them.
ETA: That is, he’s always been required to send thank-you notes and sign them by hand.
They’re kids, so hand-written notes is going overboard. Just thank people at the party and be done with it.
And what about my liver? :dubious:
You just can’t afford to invite everyone. A dozen is plenty of people! Really I think the rule for children’s parties - guests should be equal to the child’s age + 1 - works fine. So a three year old only gets four children at his party, WHICH IS FINE.
If the parents want, they can certainly invite more, but not everyone can invite everybody, and if they want, they can also throw ONE big party, like a quincenera or a high school graduation.
Not all of us are hurt or angry that we didn’t get a thank you card…but you know, I love my niece and nephew, and I love the little cards in their chicken scratch. Is it really so awful for them to sit their asses down and write a few cards? They have the entire family doting on them, it would do their entitled asses good to learn to express appreciation for that love.
How does having a limited budget make one a scumbag?
I would not force a child to do something that was considered antiquated when I was a kid. I also don’t see the value in forcing a thanks to anyone. Teach the kid to actually be thankful, and then let them express that however they wish.
I also will note I attended a lot of birthday parties as a kid. I never once got a thank you note. The only time I’ve ever used thank you notes is for graduation gifts, and the only time I’ve ever received them is for weddings and graduations. Those are formal occasions. A birthday party is not–it’s a fun time with games and stuff.
I’m also confused about the idea of providing food in addition to cake if you are on a budget. I would let the kid decide whether to just have cake and as many people as they want, or a smaller, more personal gathering with more stuff being provided. Even from age five, I made decisions about my own birthday party.
Get cheaper refreshments then.