# Another facebook unfriending **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 13, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058 "2010-10-13T23:15:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/1 "2010-10-13T23:15:23Z")
I don’t post on Facebook much and this kind of stuff is why… My DH is Jack. My kids are Ruben and Annie. Their friend is John. The kids are all around 14. We are caucasian and John is black. I think John is an awesome kid and I really like him, as do the kids. My husband, not so much. John “liked” a FB post that said something like “Come here sweetie. No? Well, F\*\*\* U B\*\*\*\*. Now you’re angry. LOL” My husband posted to John that the post was inappropriate. John unfriended Jack. A few days later, when John came over, Jack had some kind of conversation with John about the post, complained about being unfriended, and told John to “Take off”. Jack said the post was ‘ghetto’ to my kids but I don’t think he said that to John, although he may have. John, who normally spend a lot of time at our house hasn’t come back over and has indicated to both Ruben and Annie that he’s not comfortable coming over here anymore. The kids and I are gonna miss him. We were supposed to attend an all day fair this weekend, but I hear John doesn’t want to go. I suspect John is feeling like Jack doesn’t like him because he’s black. It may just be because he’s a teenager the same age as our daughter. I’m torn. While I agree the post was rude, I don’t think it’s worth losing a friendship over. I thought it would be a good parenting moment to discuss why it was a rude post and encourage him to delete it, rather than running the kid off completely. So, what/where is the problem here? ---
**Author:** ![curious11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@curious11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curious11)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/2 "2010-10-13T23:25:53Z")
what’s a DH? ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/3 "2010-10-13T23:26:33Z")
> [@curious11](#): > > what’s a DH? Dear Husband ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/4 "2010-10-13T23:32:24Z")
The kid is 14. It explains A LOT. But he’s playing his cards, and you’re a fool if you play to those cards. ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/5 "2010-10-13T23:39:12Z")
So let me get this straight… “John” is not your child, and yet your husband thinks it is appropriate to attempt to parent him in a public space? Facebook is not your house; your husband has no control over what John does in a public space when he is not your responsibility (e.g. you are taking care of him or something.) Your husband was rude, and, if he actually told John that the post was “ghetto,” extremely inappropriate as well. I don’t blame John in the least for getting out of there. Also, you said John “liked” the post – you know that’s not the same as making a post, right? Did he actually post this message or not? Seems to me your husband has the right to do two things in this situation: de-friend John, so he doesn’t have to see his “ghetto” posts, and, if he decides that John is a terrible influence, force your children de-friend John as well. He doesn’t have any right to police what John does. Also, your husband really needs to grow up. This kind of Facebook drama is for high schoolers, not adults. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/6 "2010-10-13T23:41:57Z")
Bravo, Tanaqui. Well said. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/7 "2010-10-13T23:46:40Z")
It sounds like Jack is the one being a jerk here. Here’s my understanding of what happened. 1. John liked a post that had some swear words in it. 2. Jack decided to give him a lecture. 3. John unfriended Jack. 4. Jack decided to continue the lecture in person, and told John to leave. John left. I’d have done the same thing as John at 14, or now. He was getting grief for the content of a post he didn’t even write, and apparently Jack’s such a small man that he can’t take being unfriended by a 14-year-old in stride, and tells the kid he’s not welcome. Unsurprisingly, John no longer feels welcome with your family. You mentioned that Jack doesn’t like John, and that he made what could be interpreted as racist remarks about him (“ghetto”). I’m sure John was aware that Jack didn’t like him before Jack decided to start being confrontational. Is it any wonder John doesn’t want to be around? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/8 "2010-10-13T23:49:09Z")
See, this is yet another reason why it’s insane for parents and kids to be all Facebooky together. When we used to have inappropriate discussions, we’d just have them when parents weren’t around. Now parents and kids are all socializing online together, and this kind of idiocy is bound to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2010, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/9 "2010-10-13T23:51:24Z")
Thanks for your opinion, Tanaqui. Yes, John did not “post” the post, it was a pop-up from a ‘like’.I feel like my husband was wrong, but can’t articulate why. Clearly, the post was rude, but I didn’t consider it a big deal and I am very unhappy with the real world fallout. I don’t get your meaning, Chimera. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/10 "2010-10-14T00:02:22Z")
Thanks, Cat and Walrus. (LOL) ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/11 "2010-10-14T00:18:48Z")
If I defriended every person who had thoughts or opinions I disagreed with I wouldn’t be friends with anyone on facebook. You can’t take people’s facebook crap seriously or you’ll never be able to stay friends with anyone. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/12 "2010-10-14T02:36:14Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > If I defriended every person who had thoughts or opinions I disagreed with I wouldn’t be friends with anyone on facebook. Yabbut that probably applies to pretty much everybody, doesn’t it? I’m kinda wondering why that’s supposed to be a _bad_ thing… Facebook is a pernicious time-suck. ---
**Author:** ![atomicbadgerrace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@atomicbadgerrace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/atomicbadgerrace)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/13 "2010-10-14T02:52:46Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > I feel like my husband was wrong, but can’t articulate why. **Tanaqui** nailed this one. IMO, your husband was wrong because he stuck his nose where it didn’t belong. And then tried to lecture a kid who wasn’t his own at a later time. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/14 "2010-10-14T02:59:22Z")
So, your husband is facebook friends with the real life friends of your kids? Wow, that’s kind of inappropriate to begin with. The kid probably thought it would be rude not to accept the friend request, and look where that got him. ---
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/15 "2010-10-14T04:22:28Z")
Black kids have hard lives. Many people take out thier latent racism on them because they are too chicken to confront black adults. I am not saying that your husband is a racist, but from the kids perspective, well…I am sure he has put up with a lot of this. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/16 "2010-10-14T04:33:46Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > So, your husband is facebook friends with the real life friends of your kids? Wow, that’s kind of inappropriate to begin with. The kid probably thought it would be rude not to accept the friend request, and look where that got him. I disagree. Both my husband and I are friends with several of our daughter’s friends, all of whom requested friendship with us, not the other way around. Our daughter has also friended some of her friend’s parents. She’s 11. At this age, I guess these kids expect parents to be in earshot, so to speak, and don’t seem to have a problem with it. I also actually enjoy some of their posts and share comments with them on occasion. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/17 "2010-10-14T04:37:39Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > She’s 11. Why is she on Facebook? ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/18 "2010-10-14T04:43:08Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > > > She’s 11. > > Why is she on Facebook? Because she is 11 and alive? ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/19 "2010-10-14T04:46:26Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > > > She’s 11. > > Why is she on Facebook? Um, it’s a social network and I guess you weren’t aware of this, but 11 year old girls are highly social. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2010, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058/20 "2010-10-14T04:46:56Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > > Why is she on Facebook? > > Um, it’s a social network and I guess you weren’t aware of this, but 11 year old girls are highly social. I suggest your daughter turn herself in. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-facebook-unfriending/557058.md?page=2)