# Another "Help with Dating Profile" Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 19, 2015, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423 "2015-03-19T20:41:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/1 "2015-03-19T20:41:30Z")
I didn’t want to hijack [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=752014) thread, so I’m starting one of my own. I’ve been out of the dating field for a LONG time. Been separated for 5 years and just recently divorced (beginning of March). Had a girlfriend for the last 4 years, but that just ended as well. ☹ I can’t link directly to my profile at Zoosk (they require you to login, apparently), so I’m posting my main info here. I know it’s lame! **Story:** Hi! I’m a recently divorced father and have a 9 year old son, who lives with his mom. I have him every other weekend, though. We are amicable, and there is no drama with his mother. I’ve not been on the dating scene in quite a few years, so please excuse me if I’m rusty at this. I really love to cook, but only a couple dishes I’m really good at (my chili is great, if I do say so myself)! I’m a MINI Cooper enthusiast and am in my 4th one at the moment. I enjoy getting together with our local MINI groups monthly for a nice dinner where we talk about our cars and enjoy each others company. I’m also a Network Administrator and Software Developer and love to work with new technology! I LOVE dogs and have a 13 year old mix from the shelter at home! I’m not a cat person, however. I’m an old-fashioned kind of guy who still opens doors for ladies, too. As I said, I’m rusty at this, so I’m not really sure what else to say. **Perfect Match:** A good match, who loves dogs! I like girls that like to be treated like ladies. I also love to laugh and to make her laugh! **Ideal Date:** Something simple. Dinner and drinks to get to know each other and see where it goes! Can anyone give me any pointers/help? I know I suck at this! ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/2 "2015-03-19T21:10:03Z")
Use a few fewer exclamation points! They make you sound anxious! You don’t really need them everywhere! Other than that, this is a good start. I wouldn’t phrase your relationship with your ex as “no drama”, as just seeing the word “drama” is going to plant the idea of drama in the reader’s mind. Say your situation is “relaxed” or something else positive, or even better don’t bring up your ex at all. If you do leave this in, move it a little lower. I don’t want to be confronted with a guy’s ex in the first paragraph. Does not bring a cat person rule out people with cats? If not, don’t bring it up. I would add in a bit more that hints at what you look for in a partner. Are you more active or more of a homebody? Are you driven or more laid back? Do you work to live, or live to work? I want to see more about who you are as a person, and what type of person would complement that. But overall, this is a reasonable, basic profile. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/3 "2015-03-19T21:20:26Z")
On the ideal date, you’ll want to reveal a bit about your thought process, not just the literal activity. This is your chance to show people what you really enjoy, and you’ll want to paint a little picture. It may be something like: “I’m a fan of good conversation, so I prefer simple and relaxed venues where we could get to know each other. Maybe a good discussion over gnocchi at my favorite Sardinian bistro, followed by gelato in the park.” I’m not a fan of the bit about holding doors open. To me, it reads like a subtle dig at feminism and would make me skip you. If that’s what you intend, that’s fine, but if you are cool with a little feminism I would take it out. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/4 "2015-03-19T21:20:41Z")
Here are a few things that stuck out to me: [ul] [li]You twice say that you are rusty at this, I’d keep that at one mention, or maybe not have it at all. [/li][li]Why do you mention not being a cat person? If you are hugely anti-cats, and don’t want to date someone with a cat, then I’d leave that in there. But if you just don’t really care for cats one way or the other, then I don’t see that needs to be in there.[/li][li]Maybe put more in your “Perfect Match” section. You say you’d like a dog lover, which is great. The “girls that like to be treated like ladies” sounds weird to me, but some women might like that. And “I also love to laugh and to make her laugh!” is just filler you see on a lot of profiles, most people do like to laugh so saying that doesn’t say much. It’s like saying that you like to have fun.[/li][li]Be a little more specific on what you like to do for fun and what you’d do for dates. Dinner and drinks doesn’t say much, maybe say what specific restaurants or types of food you like, or what bars you like to go to. Seeing that someone’s profile says they like to go to Niko Niko’s or Grand Prize Bar tells me a little more about him, and gives a possible message topic if we start up a conversation on the website. [/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/5 "2015-03-19T21:34:52Z")
I know how to treat a lady. I work in IT. Love dogs and Mini-Coopers. Just got out of a long-term relationship. Looking for someone to share a home-cooked meal (I know my way around a kitchen) over a glass of wine. (No fatties.) ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/6 "2015-03-19T21:59:29Z")
About the cat thing - I’m fairly allergic. Nose stops up like nobody’s business. Thanks for all the tips so far. Keep 'em comin! ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/7 "2015-03-19T22:07:39Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > … I’m not a fan of the bit about holding doors open. To me, it reads like a subtle dig at feminism and would make me skip you. If that’s what you intend, that’s fine, but if you are cool with a little feminism I would take it out. That kind of statement is ALL OVER dating sites. To me, it says, “I prefer traditional gender roles, and I prefer that you do, too.” > [@Orionizer](#): > > About the cat thing - I’m fairly allergic. Nose stops up like nobody’s business… I’d clarify the “allergy” thing. Makes it less about a personality thing (“ooh, he hates cats, maybe he’s an asshole”) and clarifies if this is something that could foreseeable change about you in the future, for those who think you just don’t like the critters. You didn’t ask, but: _ **pictures** _. Post them. Post as many as you can _that are good photos_. I have seen – no joke – profiles where the only photo the dude seems to possess of himself is the one his buddies took while he was passed out surrounded by empties … or his wedding photo with the bride’s face blacked out. If that’s truly the only pictures you own of yourself, take some goddamn selfies or something, or ask your kid to snap a shot of you. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2015, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/8 "2015-03-19T23:57:21Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > That kind of statement is ALL OVER dating sites. To me, it says, “I prefer traditional gender roles, and I prefer that you do, too.” I think it would read better if another word were substituted for ‘girls.’ “I like women who enjoy being treated like a lady” or something. ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/9 "2015-03-20T17:18:29Z")
Ok, I’ve made a lot of the changes suggested here. I’ve also created an OKCupid account, so you can directly view it [here](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/MINI-Enthusiast). I am uploading more pics tonight and editing more of the “about me” section then, as well. I’ll post when I’ve updated it so I can get more feedback. Thanks ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/10 "2015-03-20T20:59:03Z")
How did I know **even sven** would be the first to post? (Another good job by the way) As far as pictures go, OKCupid has done some really good data analysis on what works and what doesn’t. [Here](http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/) are the two [articles](http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/dont-be-ugly-by-accident/). If you are going to include a picture of your car, I would try to get yourself in it. That kind of shot tends to be cliche for younger guys, but with your interests it might work for you. This: > [@](#): > > I’m just out of a long term relationship (4+ years while legally separated for 5), and am looking for someone to get to know well and take things slow with. is confusing. I would not be sure what you meant without this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/11 "2015-03-20T20:59:22Z")
Ok I’ve updated things a bit as well as added a few things about me. Let me know what you think (click on the link in the previous post for OKCupid). Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/12 "2015-03-20T21:34:36Z")
So take the LTR info out Flight? Also, are you telling me I’m ugly in my pics? I really want to know! ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/13 "2015-03-20T22:41:59Z")
Personally, I would. Women rarely want to know about their predecessors on a dating website. If you mention you are just out of a relationship they might think you are looking for a rebound and if you have been out of one for a long time, they might think there is something wrong with you. One of the ideas that helped me was to look at the profile through the eyes of the reader. Everything in there should be saying something. What does that say about you? Same actually goes for pictures. Each one should tell a story. If several tell the same story, you only need one of them. The links were just for how to make each one do the best possible job of presenting the best you it can. You should keep something about splitting time with the kid and it being amicable, but you need to put something interesting about you that you are interested in earlier. Something positive to catch their attention. So far that would either be the car or dog information. ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2015, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/14 "2015-03-20T23:03:29Z")
Thanks! I’ll try to shake it up a bit and post back afterward… It’s been a LONG day today, so probably sometime tomorrow. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/15 "2015-03-21T19:53:56Z")
Allow me to help: > [@](#): > > Hi! > I am looking for someone to get to know well and take things slow with. Because taking things quickly only draws attention on security cameras. > > My partern in crime should be someone who: > > - Shares my love for dogs. I have a 13 year old mix I picked up at the shelter for wayward dogs. He’s not dangerous - mostly done petty crimes. Stealing pizza from the dinner table; Chewing up a perfectly good loafers (always the italian ones and always the left… why always the left?). I love cats too but my dog is allergic to them. > > - Wouldn’t mind getting to know my 9 year old son. He’s much better trained than the dog. Responds well to treats and can walk himself down the hall to the bathroom. > > - Loves to cook as much as I do but has a better repertoire, or is at least willing to submit to culinary adventure. I love just about any kind of food: Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, American, Italian. Love them all. And they are all on my speed dial for take-out or delivery. > > - Will at least feign amused interest for my MINI Cooper enthusiasm. I’m on my 4th at the moment. I enjoy getting together with our local MINI groups monthly for a nice dinner where we talk about our cars and give our SO’s a much needed break on the subject. > > - I enjoy a variety of music styles and I play a little guitar as well. Sure, it’s air guitar and it’s mostly in my shirt and socks when no-one is looking but I’ve become pretty good at it. I’m thinking of investing in an air drum kit and putting together a band. If you play we can jam. > > The six things I could never do without: > > Air > Water > Food > Shelter > Technology > Asteroid Insurance > > I spend a lot of time thinking about: > Work. But I limit myself to business hours. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night with a solution to a problem I’ve been working on. So I note the time on the clock and bill it on my next time report. Everything else is superfluous and is more information that you want to disclose before you even learned the name of the person you’re trying to attract. Leave something for the first coffee date conversation. Even then, try not to be a little reserved. Nobody wants a verbal diary of your life on the first meeting. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2015, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/16 "2015-03-21T21:27:33Z")
I like Quicksilver’s idea of using bullet points. Right now, your profile reads like a list, but it isn’t quite like a list, so it feels a little disjointed and lacks depth. You still need to put some thought into how to make it a little less superficial. I see a lot about your hobbies and interests, but very little about _you_ as a person. Are you adventurous? Conservative? Active? Relaxed? A dreamer? Down to Earth? Ambitious? Sensitive? No-nosense? I have no idea. All I really know is you like dogs and cars…and really, that’s not what I need to know if I’m wondering if I should date you.You need to use your hobbies and the like to illustrate what type of person you are. Why do you like these things? What aspect of you do they bring out? What ignites your passion? What makes you tick? These are the kinds of questions a profile needs to address. It’s a tough balancing act, because you dont’ want to turn it in to some kind of LiveJournal. But you at least need to give little tantalizing glimpses of your inner self. ---
**Author:** ![Orionizer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orionizer/32/4442_2.png) [@Orionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orionizer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2015, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/17 "2015-03-22T20:15:56Z")
**QuickSilver** , that was hilarious and actually quite good! Thanks! \*\* even sven\*\*, do you agree with the somewhat sarcastic profile that **QuickSilver** posted? It actually made me about spit my beer reading it, but I’m afraid it might be a turnoff. Anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2015, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/18 "2015-03-22T23:45:00Z")
I love the way he wrote it, but that is probably because I write like that. It would be great to use, but only if that is how you sound as well. If you come off serious or with a very different sense of humor in correspondence and in person, then the kind of women you attract with the profile will not be happy with who you are, and no one wins in that situation. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/19 "2015-03-23T00:25:52Z")
> [@Orionizer](#): > > I’ve not been on the dating scene in quite a few years, so please excuse me if I’m rusty at this. > As I said, I’m rusty at this, so I’m not really sure what else to say. Omit these parts. You’re apologizing, kind of twice and admitting your not sure. You have nothing to apologize for, and always come across as sure. Chicks dig it.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2015, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423/20 "2015-03-23T01:15:32Z")
> [@flight](#): > > I love the way he wrote it, but that is probably because I write like that. It would be great to use, but only if that is how you sound as well. If you come off serious or with a very different sense of humor in correspondence and in person, then the kind of women you attract with the profile will not be happy with who you are, and no one wins in that situation. Agreed, if this isn’t your style, don’t do it in your profile. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/another-help-with-dating-profile-thread/715423.md?page=2)